17 year old daughter and her boyfriend...

[WhatWouldYourPositionBe]

OK. My daughter is 17 as is her boyfriend. Both in 6th form, both applying to go to university this year. They've been together for nearly 2 years.

They are great kids. He comes from a lovely family, is really thoughtful, respectful, kind to her. She is similar. They don't argue, the relationship is lovely tbh. She's said herself that she doesn't expect them to still be together when they go to university because they're applying to opposite ends of the country and they both have great career plans but neither of them is thinking about that now. Neither is a 'problem' in any sense of the word. And she says he's set her a really high bar in terms of what to expect from a relationship in future!

She's quite a homebody - doesn't go to parties, doesn't drink, no drugs and he is the same. He also has HFA so is pretty tight on right and wrong. Both have part time jobs. Just really decent kids.

Anyway, that's just to give you a bit of background/context.

They've both dated someone else for a few weeks previously but this is the first real relationship for both of them.

She is staying at home for 3 nights while my partner and I go away in a couple of weeks. My eldest is coming to stay with her for a couple of nights because they just like to hang out together/for company but she'd have one night alone which she is fine with and quite enjoys (because she gets free rein in the kitchen basically!)

She has asked if he can stop the night that night. I know if I said no, she wouldn't have him to stay. If she hadn't asked, she could have asked him anyway and I'd be none the wiser anyway. But she's respectful like that. And I, in turn, respect her.

My gut feeling is that I don't actually have a problem with it. She has already said that they aren't having sex (due to his HFA). And she's not daft - she doesn't want to get pregnant.

They are in a solid (as it can be at 17!) relationship and love each other. So, if they were having sex, I wouldn't have a problem with it anyway.

Am I being a bit stupid or would anyone else be ok with this? Obviously, you don't know them! But in theory. Just wondered what other people think. Thanks.

I wouldn’t have a problem with it. By 17 I was happy for boy/girlfriends to stay over whenever.

Perfectly fine in my opinion

I think it’s really nice and very respectful of her to ask
you. You obviously think a lot of both of them.
I think I’d let her stay, she’s 17 and she’s been honest and upfront about it. I would probably just say to her that he’s welcome as long as his family know the plans too.

I'd be fine.

Would buy her a pack of condoms & say 'so if you did get, ah, caught up in the moment, they're here. If not, chuck them out...save them for use some time in the future...if you need to talk any time, I'm here, but if you want me to mind my own business, that is also fine, ok?'

I mean, I know that if they decide to have sex, she/he could buy their own & probably will, but I'd feel happier knowing there was a pack 'on site' in case of their getting spontaneously carried away - they're 17, it happens!

Phew! Brilliant that's what I think too! 😁

And, yes, I'd make sure his parents know and know that I know too.

Yep. Will do that too!

I think that she asked you when she could have easily deceived you is a reflection of the respectful relationship you have with each other. I would be inclined to reward that honesty, particularly as you have written nothing to suggest either of them is irresponsible.

What’s HFA?

She sounds really lovely! Bloody hell, when I think of the nonsense I had with my daughter!!! As others have said, buy the condoms and let him stay. I'd feel safer with him there than if she was on her own.

Just googled either something to do with halal or high functioning autism?

No issue at 17, my sons girlfriend stays (both 17, met at Uni), they share a bed

I would she is being very mature and honest

High functioning autism 😊

She sounds really lovely! Bloody hell, when I think of the nonsense I had with my daughter!!!

She is. I mean, she's not without the drama- we've spent a lovely afternoon just chatting and whatever and she's just flipped out because she hung out some washing just wearing her socks and now her socks are wet! 😁

But she's a good girl 😉

Great. Really pleased to see so many saying they've done/would do similar. Yeah, I do kind of want to recognise her honesty. But wasn't sure if I was being a bit irresponsible and this has really reassured me.

My mum wouldn't have allowed it at the same age and her dad would go ballistic. But her dad doesn't live with us (cos he's the kind of man who goes ballistic...) so it's not his business. So it was good to get some reasonable feedback. Thanks.

High functioning autism 😊

She sounds really lovely! Bloody hell, when I think of the nonsense I had with my daughter!!!

She is. I mean, she's not without the drama- we've spent a lovely afternoon just chatting and whatever and she's just flipped out because she hung out some washing just wearing her socks and now her socks are wet! 😁

But she's a good girl 😉

Great. Really pleased to see so many saying they've done/would do similar. Yeah, I do kind of want to recognise her honesty. But wasn't sure if I was being a bit irresponsible and this has really reassured me.

My mum wouldn't have allowed it at the same age and her dad would go ballistic. But her dad doesn't live with us (cos he's the kind of man who goes ballistic...) so it's not his business. So it was good to get some reasonable feedback. Thanks.

Fine with me.

At their age they'll probably be shagging in a car or a field if they don't have access to a bed, so I'd let them be happy.

I think you've raised a really respectful young lady who knows exactly what she wants and doesn't want x
I wouldn't worry about her for the night and let them raid the kitchen and you enjoy yourself x

I’d be fine with it - my boyfriend and I were staying at each other’s houses at that age.

Why do you need to tell his parents? This over involvement in grown kids lives on MN is very odd to me.

I have a 17 year old daughter and if she was in a respectful and loving relationship I wouldn't have a problem with it. I would make sure she was on contraception first though.

She sounds very sensible and switched on. Take pride in the fact she asked you as you mention. At 17 I wouldn't have an issue.

1. because he is autistic.

2. because I want them to know I know about it.

3. I wasn't all0wed to do anything until I had left home.

My DS is 17 & his girlfriend of 2 years is 18 they are really good kids, I am happy for her to stay here & her parents let him stay there, I was an absolute nightmare at that age & up to all sorts that my parents had no idea of, I am glad my DS can be honest with me.

They can't do anything overnight they can't do before midnight !

I put condoms in the bathroom cupboard drawer so my DD's had no excuses not to use them, drs gave them away free back then at least

1) because he is autistic.
2) because I want them to know I know about it.
3) I wasn't all0wed to do anything until I had left home

All these reasons are still odd for a 17yr old, he is HFA I'm sure he has plenty of independence, they need to know he's staying; he can tell them himself, what you were allowed isnt relevant.

Keep your nose out, my DC would cringe if I was this involved.