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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

DH behaviour - groping

28 replies

Lamentation · 03/08/2023 14:53

Changed username for this. Leaving all the other issues in my relationship with DH to one side, this is one I cannot speak with my friends about.

DH gripes about me not having sex with him often enough. If I wanted it, I would - but he's constantly complaining about everything & doesn't appreciate me. I don't fancy going into details. Anyway, I was cuddling DH in bed recently & had just turned down sex when DS (13) came into the room. DH put his hands down my underwear and groped my bum & genitals. I froze; had DS been out of the room he wouldn't have tried this because I would have pushed him away. It was opportunistic, sleazy and out of order. When DS was gone I set DH straight that objectively, he had assaulted me. Clearly he thinks I'm overreacting. WTF. I'm still angry but also disappointed that this is the state of my marriage.

OP posts:

StartSWagaintomorrow · 03/08/2023 14:55

The fact he did it when your son is in the room is abhorrent! It’s seriously gross behaviour.

Pebbledashery · 03/08/2023 14:57

He sexually assaulted you. That's it.
Do you want to stay married to a person who has absolutely ZERO respect for your boundaries and indirectly your son's?
He's a scumbag.

Pebbledashery · 03/08/2023 14:57

Would ask MN to put a trigger warning your post too x

VeridicalVagabond · 03/08/2023 15:02

He sexually assaulted you and made your child complicit in that by doing it in front of him so you wouldn't be able to react/resist/pull away.

That's absolutely repugnant behaviour and would be the end of the marriage for me.

IDontLoveTheWayYouLie · 03/08/2023 15:03

He's a dick and it's not fair on you or your son.

Original poster

Lamentation · 03/08/2023 15:03

Thanks for responding. I know you're right. It just seems so unreal.

OP posts:

itsmyp4rty · 03/08/2023 15:04

Wow I thought he was 'just' going to be another sex pest, but this is even worse. Doing it while your child was there so you couldn't do anything about it is just appalling abusive behaviour.

Pebbledashery · 03/08/2023 15:05

It's chillingly calculated.
OP I would rethink your marriage to this man... what if it's worse next time.

Original poster

Lamentation · 03/08/2023 15:07

I agree. Where does it end. I'm so angry, there's no trust here.

OP posts:

IDontLoveTheWayYouLie · 03/08/2023 15:10

It doesn't sound like this is the only problem in your relationship either from your first post. Is it really worth staying with him? I know a lot would change but it sounds like you would be better off.

Seasideanticscanleadtosandybuckets · 03/08/2023 15:14

Next time mil is there slyly twist his balls under the table...
He is gross...

Bananas1350 · 03/08/2023 15:17

Oh my god. What an utterly disgusting thing to do. What a huge turn off and what a fucking idiot to do to in front of ur son. I’m sorry. But any man who thought that was acceptable would be out the door. And I know that people say that a lot on here. But my god. Can he not keep his hands to himself for five fucking mins thay he has to grope his wife in front of his son. I would be kicking him out and suggesting he gets therapy.
there is not one ounce of respect for u in this and how u would feel. Gross.

Original poster

Lamentation · 03/08/2023 15:33

I think you have all understood - this was all under the covers - my son didn't see. But clearly I couldn't react/fend DH off because that would have drawn my son's attention to the fact that DH was groping me.

OP posts:

Aquamarine1029 · 03/08/2023 15:35

Your husband is repugnant. He truly is. Get yourself to a solicitor and get out of that marriage.

Foxblue · 03/08/2023 15:38

Oh god OP, I'm so sorry this has happened to you. What a fucking vile man, absolutely no way to treat anyone never mind your own wife. It's not okay and don't let him convince you it's not a big deal, it's assault, just as it would be if he went up to a stranger in the street and did it.

LightSpeeds · 03/08/2023 15:50

So sorry this happened to you. Please get yourself away from him x

Humidititties · 03/08/2023 16:08

Disgusting pig, get you and your son away from him sharpish. I'd be worried about escalation

GoldDuster · 03/08/2023 16:16

Vile. It doesn't matter if he thinks you're overreacting, the opinion of a man who would do this means zero.

MissHarrietBede · 03/08/2023 16:22

Utterly repugnant behaviour. Foul on so many levels.

Bananas1350 · 03/08/2023 16:25

The fact that he did this under the covers makes no odds. Stop defending him. This is disgusting behaviour and not one from a man who loves and respects u.

SummerHouse · 03/08/2023 16:26

I read it as being under the cover, unseen by your son. I think it's clear op and I think most if not all pp's interpreted that way.

I would leave him for that alone but it sounds like there are more things adding only more weight to the case.

Darby3785 · 03/08/2023 16:31

Your DH clearly has no respect for you! If you don't want sex, you don't want it, he isn't doing himself any favours trying to take control of you like that either, he did it without your consent, it was unwanted so it was sexual assault!
I'd be explaining that he doesn't have the god given right to touch you whenever he likes just because you are married and that he should be prepared to pack his things and go because you won't stand for it. How dare he tell you your overreacting!!
Grown men should be able to control their sexual urges, if they can't to the point of assault they need help! It's like oh I don't care about your feelings, I need and want sex so I'm having it and I'm going to grope you in front of DS so I can have a feel knowing you can't do anything.....how disgusting!!
If my husband did what your husband did, my marriage would be done. It must be devastating for you OP 🩷

Sex is about intimacy, love and trust in my opinion, your husband just made it seedy and dirty. No wonder you don't want to have sex with him OP

Original poster

Lamentation · 03/08/2023 17:14

Thank you - I am grateful for your support and honesty. I can't bear him any more.

OP posts:

Tilllly · 03/08/2023 17:34

Lamentation · 03/08/2023 17:14

Thank you - I am grateful for your support and honesty. I can't bear him any more.

Understandably

Truly horrible behaviour, I'm sorry this happened to you

What's your plan?

Daleksatemyshed · 03/08/2023 17:46

So your DH knew you wouldn't want to upset your DC and took the chance to grope you. He took advance of your love for your DC Op, there's a word for people like him, it's not a nice word, not nice at all.

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