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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Tattoo and partner

47 replies

Plussizemum · 03/08/2023 12:33

So when I met my partner I had a couple of tattoos, he’s always openly hated tattoos but he knew I had them and it was fine. 5 years down the line, a child later I decided I wanted their name tattood as I had their siblings name already. It only seemed right to have both and it was something I wanted. I like tattoos but for me, mine needed to mean something not just to be random (not that I think that’s a bad thing for people who choose to do that).
Anyway it ended up the tattoo time got bought for me as a gift, my partner couldn’t hide how annoyed he was and how upset he was that someone who knew his dislike for tattoos would gift this. He hasn’t been angry about it with me upfront but there’s snide comments, the day I had it done he was distant and quiet, he won’t look at it, talk about it etc. Now I feel like I have to hide it, I’ve been made to feel like I’ve done something wrong. He isn’t a bad guy I’m not painting him out to be he’s always very easy going and I guess this is why I don’t know how to get around this feeling of uneasiness.
Am I on the wrong for getting it? I don’t know, I’m not even sure what I want from this thread.

OP posts:

BlastedIce · 03/08/2023 12:34

Ignore him, don’t pander to him, he’ll get over it!

pinkyredrose · 03/08/2023 12:35

Why did he get with you if he hated tattoos?

Seasideanticscanleadtosandybuckets · 03/08/2023 12:37

My exh told me he knew my new tattoo was fake because I wouldn't have dared to get a real one. And he wasn't sleeping with a tattooed woman. Win fucking win!
Exh. I never discussed getting them as my body wasn't his business..

Original poster

Plussizemum · 03/08/2023 12:42

Honestly it just seems ridiculous, I don’t even know why it’s such a thing. He’s acting like he’s forgotten it and the tattoo/ his behaviour around it never happened and I’m just left feeling really awkward about it 🙄

OP posts:

dementedpixie · 03/08/2023 12:42

He needs to get over it. Your body, your choice

TheGoodBanana · 03/08/2023 12:43

Just ignore him, he doesn't get a say over your body and he can't hate them that5 much, he got with you knowing you had some.

PaintedEgg · 03/08/2023 16:12

just ignore him

he married someone with tattoos, he can deal with the consequences of said person getting more tattoos :D

HowAmYa · 03/08/2023 19:58

Yeh your post needn't have been that long. You don't need to explain ANYTHING here.
You like tattoos. He doesn't.
Your body. Your choice. No one else's but yours.
If he is going to be such an ass over it then that's on him.
Don't ever allow anyone to make you feel like you have to hide any aspect of who you are. He actually thinks it's acceptable to be like this.

Also why the fck did he get mad that someone got you a present that HE openly didn't like. The present was for you!!! He doesn't own you but he bloody well thinks he does!

Pablothepalm · 03/08/2023 20:34

Didn’t you post about this before - a few weeks ago? You’re getting the same answers now.

ItsMyUkelele · 03/08/2023 20:42

I kind of get where he's coming from.

I hate tattoos (sorry). My ex had one when we met and then he had it covered up with a much bigger one which was even more horrible. I could never get my head round why he'd want to do that knowing how awful I thought they were. It kind of seemed like he didn't respect my opinion at all.

That said, your body, your choice.

(And it wasn't the reason he became my ex 😂)

MrsTerryPratchett · 03/08/2023 20:46

I'm not a huge fan but even I think if you have all the DC but one, that's pretty terrible. And it's your choice.

TheCrystalPalace · 03/08/2023 20:47

You got another tattoo knowing full well he didn't like them or find them attractive and are now complaining because he isn't falling over himself to compliment you on them?
Hope it was worth it.

IDontLoveTheWayYouLie · 03/08/2023 20:48

He literally tones you had tattoos when he decided he wanted to be with you. Tell him to piss off.

My partner doesn't have any and doesn't really 'like' them if there isn't a meaning to them but he's never said anything bad about mine.

IDontLoveTheWayYouLie · 03/08/2023 20:49

IDontLoveTheWayYouLie · 03/08/2023 20:48

He literally tones you had tattoos when he decided he wanted to be with you. Tell him to piss off.

My partner doesn't have any and doesn't really 'like' them if there isn't a meaning to them but he's never said anything bad about mine.

Knew not tones!

MrsTerryPratchett · 03/08/2023 20:50

TheCrystalPalace · 03/08/2023 20:47

You got another tattoo knowing full well he didn't like them or find them attractive and are now complaining because he isn't falling over himself to compliment you on them?
Hope it was worth it.

You can't very well have one child's name and not the other. Come on.

porridgeisbae · 03/08/2023 21:05

I could never get my head round why he'd want to do that knowing how awful I thought they were. It kind of seemed like he didn't respect my opinion at all.

I can see why OP would feel she should add her 2nd DC's name as she has the first one there. It's hardly a massive tattoo to have.

You got another tattoo knowing full well he didn't like them or find them attractive and are now complaining because he isn't falling over himself to compliment you on them?

She isn't expecting him to compliment it, she's said that precisely nowhere. But he's being OTT weird about it.

TheCrystalPalace · 03/08/2023 21:18

It only seems as if he's being weird about it because you don't personally have an issue with tattoos. Put yourself in the position of your dp deliberately doing something (permanent or not) to their appearance that you detest, e.g, oh I don't know, deliberately shaved their head or got a gold tooth right at the front or insisted on wearing a clothing style you hated - sandals and socks or a mankini or something.
Silly, I know, but would you still lust after them? Would you be able to enthuse about it?

porridgeisbae · 03/08/2023 21:23

No one's asking him to enthuse about it. But I'dve thought he can see why she might want her other DC's name on, a whole few centimetres' text under the DC's name that's already there.

Wherearemymarbles · 03/08/2023 21:25

I dont see how you could have 1 child's name and not the other.
He is being a dick. I dont like tattoos, they give me the ick so I’d never date someone who had them. If I did, I’d accept they’d probably get more.

TheCrystalPalace · 03/08/2023 22:03

porridgeisbae · 03/08/2023 21:23

No one's asking him to enthuse about it. But I'dve thought he can see why she might want her other DC's name on, a whole few centimetres' text under the DC's name that's already there.

Well, the OP kind of is, in that she's said he won't look at it or talk about it and she's been left feeling awkward. So presumably she is looking for some sort of positive acknowledgement.
And he may well see why she wants it but that doesn't mean he's happy to see yet more skin covered in ink. And yes, I can very well see why he'd be pissed off that someone else (a family member??) has encouraged her by gifting it.

Original poster

Plussizemum · 03/08/2023 22:16

No I’ve only had the tattoo a week

OP posts:

AvidMerrian · 03/08/2023 22:21

Did you think he’d like it?

Original poster

Plussizemum · 03/08/2023 22:23

@TheCrystalPalace I’m not asking him to be looking at it and loving it or talking about it 24/7 what I mean is I just said about getting moisturiser for it and he gets weird. I’m not having one childs name and not another. I’ve already accepted that I’d have no other tattoos as I wouldn’t be that disrespectful I understand he doesn’t like tattoos so therefore why can the understand that the one I had, has such meaning behind it. It’s give and take. I’m not asking him to be jumping for joy but to not even be able to mention it is abit OTT

OP posts:

porridgeisbae · 03/08/2023 22:24

Well, the OP kind of is, in that she's said he won't look at it or talk about it and she's been left feeling awkward. So presumably she islooking for some sort of positive acknowledgement.

No, well that would be the ideal but she'd be ok (or happier than now) with him just not being massively off about it.

'More skin covered in ink'- well presumably it's one word, under another word.

greenteaandmarshmallows · 03/08/2023 22:24

Is it possible he's jealous you didn't get his name?

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