Name changing for this.
Looking for a bit of advice here.
My younger brother has been having a tough time of it recently in his current relationship of over a decade. There has been issues with his grown up stepkid stealing and also I know that the romantic side of the relationship has died a death. He's not the type to give up and leave and we've had a lot of conversations about this over the last two years. He's not happy but he's not "a quitter" in his words.
I've seen him cry about it. He's a very patient and sweet man and he's always been very steady. Not flighty or impulsive at all.
Two months ago a lovely friend of mine met him at one of my parties. She's drop dead gorgeous and usually has men losing their heads over her, but she's quite careful in her dating choices and hasn't dated anyone in four years since her partner died. The two of them hit it off really well. They both have a similar set of interests and they ended up chatting all evening at the party like they had known each other forever. I thought it was nice to see him animated and smiling again but didn't think more of it at the time because I know what he's like - he's not flirtatious in the slightest (he's very nerdy). They have been at a few events since and they gravitated towards each other but I just thought that was maybe him coming out of his depression and engaging with people generally more and the same for her. Just to add they are both in their fifties so this isn't young folk we are talking about here.
She told me that one night last week he messaged her and basically very awkwardly blurted out to her he wants to be with her, arranged to meet her and then stood her up. All this is very out of character for him.
She likes him and was very hurt by his behaviour. And he's now hiding away feeling guilty about both his wife and her. He apologised to her and said he's feeling terrible for blurting and then standing her up when she's been through so much already. He came over here later that day and mumbled a lot about being an idiot but didn't talk about it. Of course I've now joined the dots. I think he was trying to tell me what he'd done but he's too ashamed of himself.
How to handle it? Do I tell him I know and ask him to chat? Or leave it to them to sort it out? We normally have a close relationship so I feel I could say something to him and just let him talk. I know he's struggling with his own sense of personal responsibility and guilt but I don't think he should be handling it alone without talking because it's obviously doing his head in.
My friend is handling it very well and she was nice to him about it but I now think in hindsight that he's head over heels about her and that's why he's now gotten himself into a pickle. She's alway now for a few months working abroad so she's effectively removed herself from the picture. Do I just tell him I know and then see what he says? I hate the idea of him being upset and struggling - our father was the same and stayed in his second marriage to the detriment of his own mental health and I'm worried my brother is doing the same, in silence.
The other part of my head is thinking WHAT A TWAT HE IS.