Page 3 | Turning 39 in a few months. Is it too late for me?

Lampshadegreen · 2023-07-31T19:04:20+00:00

Relationship down the pan. I want a husband and a baby. Is it too late? (please don’t say go it alone - I can’t).

Whataretheodds · 02/08/2023 09:46

Well done OP. Are you paying for bumble boost? Or whatever the one is that means you go straight to guys who've liked you?

Original poster

Lampshadegreen · 02/08/2023 13:10

Whataretheodds thank you! Yes paid for a few months. I’ve got 100+ likes today so far. I’ve never had a problem attracting men. But It’s meeting the right kind of man that I’ve clearly struggled with. And they don’t always reveal themselves to be commitment phobes until months and months in…as I’m quite careful with my screening…but it’s just time I don’t have to waste anymore.

I think I’m going to look into going it alone as a back up.

OP posts:

Fruitandnuts · 02/08/2023 13:30

Met my partner aged 38, he already has a DS, i asked pretty quickly did the want kids. He was open to the idea and after 1 year and a bit dating i went for some fertility tests. Internal scan and bloods, there was hope but was told the clock was ticking. That focused my mind majorly, stopped the pill and started folic acid, vitamins and Q10/ubiquinol. Do your research on boosting fertility, i also stopped smoking/vaping, cut back on alcohol and did some acupuncture.

It took 15 months to get pregnant naturally aged 39, I'm now 27 weeks pregnant and 40 years old. My and partner will be together 3 years by the time baby is here.

know what you want, go for it, knowledge is power and weed out the time wasters in dating. If its not a hell yes from them then its a no. move on and you will find someone. defo look at your fertility stats

Whataretheodds · 02/08/2023 14:14

I think I’m going to look into going it alone as a back up.

Do, I honestly think you'll feel more powerful as a result. Check out The Stork and I on Instagram.

Also. Make a list of all the things that are hard or impossible or very rare when you are pregnant/have small children. And a list of all the other things you want to do in your life.now that I'm pregnant all I can think about is booze lunches, grown-up city breaks, long hausl adventures like hiking across Nepal or backpacking round the world

ilyana · 02/08/2023 14:28

No idea, but I'm in the same situation. Looking at what most men are like, I've decided I'm actually not arsed anymore anyway. I feel like I've got my power back.

It's harder to have kids after 40, but not impossible. I do quite a few people who have done it, some naturally. One friend broke up with her ex shortly after turning 40 and assumed that was it. She met a bloke at a comedy night a few months later, and they're now married with a six-month old.

I would advise you to be cautious, though. The aforementioned friend, I'm not sure she vetted her husband anywhere near as much as I'd have done, because she knew she was really running out of time for a baby. Desperation blinds people to red flags. Always make sure you can get out.

ilyana · 02/08/2023 14:35

Lampshadegreen · 02/08/2023 13:10

Whataretheodds thank you! Yes paid for a few months. I’ve got 100+ likes today so far. I’ve never had a problem attracting men. But It’s meeting the right kind of man that I’ve clearly struggled with. And they don’t always reveal themselves to be commitment phobes until months and months in…as I’m quite careful with my screening…but it’s just time I don’t have to waste anymore.

I think I’m going to look into going it alone as a back up.

I'm not raining on your parade, but likes are meaningless, honestly. Any time I've joined OLD, I've had hundreds of likes and matches within a few hours. Lots of men swipe right on everyone and then filter later, and out of the ones who match with you, most have no intention of having a serious relationship.

Like you say, it's meeting the right kind of men, and there just aren't many of them. That's the truth. The very lucky women managed to settle down with men they met in their twenties and take them off the market. Those of us who had long term relationships break down at 30+ are fishing in a small pond.

ilyana · 02/08/2023 14:36

Summer2424 · 31/07/2023 22:31

Hi @Lampshadegreen i met my husband at 40 yrs old and had a baby all in the same year. It's not too late hun x

Is it working out? I'm always amazed by stories like this. It feels like such a gamble. Every relationship I've had, they seemed amazing in the first 3-4 months and then the red flags revealed themselves.

Original poster

Lampshadegreen · 02/08/2023 14:39

ilyana I’m trying to keep this thread positive for my experience. Thank you.

OP posts:

ilyana · 02/08/2023 14:52

Lampshadegreen · 02/08/2023 14:39

ilyana I’m trying to keep this thread positive for my experience. Thank you.

You started a thread and asked for people's opinions.

If you've matched with 20 men in 24 hours, that means you've liked at least 20 men in that time, which is more than I'd have usually swiped right on in a month, and I live in a city with 10 million people in it. It's probably much easier to find someone if you're not very picky and cast your net wide, yes. I still advise being very cautious and not tying yourself to someone unsuitable because the clock is ticking. Once you have a kid with someone, they're in your life forever if they want to be, whether you like it or not.

Best of luck.

Original poster

Lampshadegreen · 02/08/2023 15:00

Thanks. I’m still being very picky. That’s why I’ve swiped no to hundreds and hundreds of likes. I also live in a big city. If I wanted any bloke, I could have been pregnant years ago.

OP posts:

Pista41 · 02/08/2023 15:06

You should look into going it alone for sure. I did/am. It’s hard, but as someone once told me on here, “parenting alone is a lot easier than parenting with a twat”. Frankly a lot of my friends’ issues with their partners make me feel very lucky I don’t have to deal with that! And as others have said, you do run the risk of not spotting red flags when you’re in a rush. And then if you end up splitting you have to still deal with them for life!

Olika · 03/08/2023 20:15

Lampshadegreen · 02/08/2023 08:36

Right I’ve been on Bumble for just over 24 hours and I have two calls set up, with two men in their 40s - they want a serious relationship. One def wants kids. The other can take it or leave it. Another has asked me out for a drink. I’ve matched with 20 guys, only a handful message back. I’ve probably been through 300-400 likes. It’s hard work.

Guys are always keen in the beginning. My recent ex said he wanted marriage and kids, and kept progressing the relationship. Yeah he suddenly said he didn’t and that was that.

I’m trying not to have trust issues, but that’s easier said that done.

How do I stop men from wasting my precious time? I’m being really clear about what I want.

I online dated for several years before I met my now husband (online). What I did towards the end after having met with so many men that I wasn't interested in was that after initial chatting on the app, I would have a call with them and if he still came across good then I would meet face to face. This all within 2-4 days as I didn't have time to waste on wrong people. On meet ups I would concentrate on listening to what the man is saying, how he is behaving etc. most of the time I never saw the man again. Ref my husband he wasn't even the most interesting one I was chatting with online but we had a good short phone call one evening and when we met we had good time and I felt like he gets me intellectually. I didn't even fancy him until some time later. Every date I would just concentrate on that date, then decide if I wanted to see him again. I really concentrated to see him for who he is, not for my dreams and fantasies about finally having met a person who I will marry.