Forcing partner to work

[Commonhousewitch]

I've posted a number of times about my partner. I work full time and my partner does n't work- we have one teenage child . My partner takes on little life admin, little housework ( we have a cleaner) and excuses by saying that i am a control freak so there's no point him doing anything as he'd get it wrong. After a holiday where I paid for everything, planned everything, booked everything and executed everything (every day would be "what are we doing next?) - peaking when he lost his bank card and asked me to sort it out. i really need to have things change. Its not so much the money- but he has basically become someone I hate and someone who acts like a retired person. I resent everything about him. I suspect he is depressed but frankly i don't care anymore
Previously he has agreed to get a job and done nothing - or done a little bit or work and kept money for himself. How do I force the issue? If i refuse him access to the joint account- this feels like financial abuse- but i don't have any other way of making him. Get a job or get out .. i think he just wouldn't go and then what do i do

After separation you have 2 years to go to court for a financial settlement.

What are your residency rights? For both do you and your DS? How long have you lived here?

PR/5 Years
I think i am stuffed if we split up here - effectively he gets to live off me for the rest of his life despite me never agreeing to it or wanting to.

Thinking about it you have 2 choices. Move back to the UK, and separate there. He has no defacto rights then.

But then you will possibly be stuck there and couldn't move back to Australia if he doesn't give you permission to take your DS with you. Financially this might be the smarter option if you have sizeable assets.

Or you could stay and if you've lived here for more than 12 month, or are citizens etc, then you are bound by Australian law.

Crap, 5 years old, yep, child maintenance for 13 years.

Go for a promotion in the UK, make it sound amazing. Move over there with him. Stay "together" at least 6 months.

He would be hard pressed to prove to an Australian Court that he plans on living in Australia permanently.

Sorry, I thought your DS was 5, but can see that's how long you've lived here. How old is your DS.

I haven't a clue about Australuan law, but spousal maintenance is usually not lifelong in other countries

Australian law

De facto couples: commencing property proceedings
For a court to make an order in relation to property or spousal maintenance for a de facto couple, the court must be satisfied that either or both parties to the relationship were "ordinarily resident" in Australia (except Western Australia) when the application was made and either:
• (a) both parties to the relationship were ordinarily resident during at least a third of the relationship; or
• (b) the applicant made substantial contributions in relation to the relationship in one or more States or Territories in Australia at the application time.
Alternatively, if both you and your ex-partner were ordinarily resident in Australia when the relationship broke down, you may issue property proceedings.
For a declaration as to the existence of a de facto relationship, it must be established that one or both of the parties to the relationship were ordinarily resident in Australia when the primary proceedings commenced.

If he is only 5 you will get 50/50. You will have to pay maintenance, but it will still be better to leave. Definitely see a family lawyer.

he's 13
I may speak to a lawyer as we've been here less than a 1/3 of our relationship and that may matter,
We always intended to go back after 3-4 years - unfortunately covid changed things and my son is now settled

I think in Australia usually in a case like yours you split everything maybe 60/40 worst cases scenario 70/30. You will have maintenance, but spouse maintenance is unlikely (I could easily be wrong). I doubt he would be able to stay in the family home and you still have to pay the mortgage.

If you have a trusted family member maybe go interest only on your mortgage, stash the extra money in someone else’s account. Once you have a bit to get you started see a lawyer and leave. Anything he has in his super will go in the shared pot too.

I’m Australian and I don’t think that’s right that he will live off you for ever here at all. Yes de facto is as good as married here except your superannuation isn’t touched but I doubt you will have to pay for him at all. I’d seek legal advice asap so you know what to plan.

You need legal guidance asap. In Australia de facto partners are given the same rights as being married, this can include not only access to equity in property (I don't know how foreign owned property plays into this) but also your savings and your super.

In some circumstances of separation and divorce, spousal maintenance is a consideration, a person has a responsibility to financially assist their spouse or former de facto partner, if that person cannot meet their own reasonable expenses from their personal income or assets.

De facto partner maintenance is financial support paid by a party to a de facto relationship that has broken down to their former de facto partner in circumstances where they are unable to adequately support themselves. Spousal maintenance payments are separate to Child Support payments. This can be one large payment which covers the partner to seek training to to re-enter the workforce. The good news is our courts do not like people not working once children are of age to be at school.

If you come under Australia law for separating, financially your best outcome would be to move back to the UK and then seperate.

Good idea to see a lawyer. Also, maybe force the issue of him working by not supporting him financially. Don't starve him or anything, but don't give him may for anything other than absolute essentials and force him to get a job. It will be better for any potential settlement if he's working, and he might not even go for a settlement.

Please be careful with some of these suggestions too on controlling money.

In Australia economic abuse is recognised in domestic and family violence legislation in every Australian State and Territory. A number of these suggestions fall under economic abuse categories and you can legally find yourself in strife. There's excellent online resources to help you understand our laws and impact regarding economic abuse.

Yes de facto is as good as married here except your superannuation isn’t touched

Super is property so is part of de facto relationships.

I know three women who got royally fucked over in terms of their super by lazy OHs.

I guess It's how long you want to support the mooch. You need to consult a solicitor asap because you hate the man and I don't blame you. You probably can't refuse him access to the joint account- it's joint. Open a separate bank account and put your money there and cut him off ruthlessly.

Yes, you might take a financial hit but the longer you wait the bigger the hit and at least you will be rid of him. You should check whether you and your child can go back to the UK - could be described as a holiday - and whether you would owe him any settlement at all not being married if you established domicile/residence and were presumably married in the UK.

I too live in a country where three years is enough to end up sharing your assets. Of course, I contracted out and I'd advise people who don't want to share their assets after three years of co-habitation to do the same. There is no life-long maintenance though.

When you're not supporting him, he surprise you with his resourcefulness. It will probably involve finding another gullible fool to support him rather than finding a job though.

I would assume he wouldn’t get benefits here so you might have to support him. I would move back to the uk and separate.

You need some proper legal advice. Maybe try Women’s Legal Service NSW, they are really good.

Time is of the essence. The more time that trickles away the more difficult your options are likely to be. I suggest you invest in professional advice to establish with crystal clarity what your options are.

I suspect he is depressed but frankly i don't care anymore

Then maybe the answer is to get divorced.
He might or might not decide that actually working is a good idea.

But I think you’ve reached the end if the road there.

Sorry missed the fact you are in Australia.

You need to go and see a lawyer.
You also need to decide if you want to stay in Australia or move back to the uk

Plenty of things you can do re divorce there,

Yep I agree there.

Harder with a teen but if you live in the U.K., it’s the U.K. rules that apply fur divorce.
Note that he can then make things VERY difficult if he refuses to acknowledge anything and heave things just hanging.