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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Dating a divorce man with 3 kids

49 replies

TinaTran · 30/07/2023 12:56

I’m 32 never been married with no kids. He’s 35 going through a divorce with 3 kids. He’s working on the road so he’s traveling to different states and he was here in my state for 5 months and that’s how we met. He’s currently in Memphis right now and traveling 5 hours almost every weekend to see me (we’ve only been dating for 2 months). He’s a pretty good dad to his kids. He said the reason for him to leave his wife is because he fell out of love for her and was unhappy with the marriage for so long (5 or 6 years he was trying to work things out with her) they’ve been married for 13 years. My gut is telling me to leave because I’ve never dated anyone with kids, but I’ve never felt such strong connection with someone so part of me don't wanna give up so soon and regret it later on. Before me he was dating another girl for 6 months and at that time he was separated with his wife but i know it was wrong because he was still married. when we first met i didn't know he was still married because he lied to me said he was already divorced i found out he was still married later on through FB i was angry at him for lied to me and he said he lied because i would never talked to him if i know the truth and he was going to getting a divorce anyways even if he didn't meet me. they are waiting on court for the divorce to be finalized now. should i stay or should i leave?

OP posts:

Aprilx · 30/07/2023 14:09

Of course you should dump him, he is married and has had a line of girlfriends!

You are only 32 as well, I'd still be looking for one that has not been married or had children at your age.

Thisisworsethananticpated · 30/07/2023 14:14

I just read the thread title and I was like ‘good luck with that’

speaking from personal experience , divorce seems to bruise men waaay more than women

Milyt · 30/07/2023 14:16

To be honest, regardless of anything else, I would not date anyone with 3 kids when I was without children myself. Find someone single and create your own family with them without any complications.

Olika · 30/07/2023 14:18

In my opinion you should walk away. Too complicated and it started by him lying to you.

FiddleLeaf · 30/07/2023 14:20

He’s lying and he’s a crap dad.

Mari9999 · 30/07/2023 14:27

@TinaTran

Your initial introduction to this guy involved him lying to you about a serious matter. After knowing him for 2 months ,and having never had the opportunity to observe him with his kids, you can't possibly know what kind of dad he is.

Actually ,after 2 months, the only thing that you with certainty is that he is a liar.

Emmamoo89 · 30/07/2023 14:37

Definitely end it.

Cosmosforbreakfast · 30/07/2023 15:33

He lied to you that he was divorced when he was still married. Walk away from this.

Readyplayerthr33 · 30/07/2023 15:38

There are a lot of threads right now with the exact same writing style. No paragraphs, poor use of English, very few full stops and no capital letters free the full stops that are used. Is this more AI threads?

Original poster

TinaTran · 30/07/2023 16:04

🤣🤣 my English is awful I know. I’m trying my best though. Just needed advices since I can’t talk about this to anyone. I got no friends either

OP posts:

Hibiscrubbed · 30/07/2023 16:36

Are you serious?

Original poster

TinaTran · 30/07/2023 16:43

i know! I’m dumb 😂

OP posts:

Mari9999 · 30/07/2023 16:46

@TinaTran
Work on expanding your friendship network. As your network expands your opportunity to meet eligible and unencumbered prospects will likely grow.

Don't settle for whatever falls off of the shelf.

ErinAoife · 30/07/2023 17:10

He is a liar, run away from him. I will not be surprised if he had a girl in each state. 3 kids is a lot to manage for someone who doesn't have kids. How old are the kids?

Onelifeonly · 30/07/2023 17:22

He has not even let the dust settle after his divorce before dating..... no wait, he isn't even divorced yet. He knew he 'had' to lie because it wouldn't look good to you BECAUSE it isn't good.

You're only 32, you can afford to wait for a single man or someone who has properly moved on from a previous marriage. He isn't it.

He's probably a charmer who appeals to a lot of women - he's already had a previous gf since leaving his wife (apparently). Don't fall for that, it's likely only skin deep.

You're not dumb btw. Wanting romance and love is absolutely fine. And you posted for advice so I think you knew what the answers could be anyway.

Original poster

TinaTran · 30/07/2023 19:23

10, 8 and his youngest is a year and a half

OP posts:

Original poster

TinaTran · 30/07/2023 19:27

I love your comment! I just couldn’t talk about this to my family or my close friends. I’m currently in my most valuable state right now ( I diagnosed with breast cancer) and more than anything I just wanna settle and be happy I’m 32 years old lol he’s not the right one though knew that. I just wanna hear advices since I couldn’t talk to anyone about this

OP posts:

Original poster

TinaTran · 30/07/2023 19:30

*vulnerable I meant! Gosh my English is horrible 😅😂

OP posts:

TheaBrandt · 30/07/2023 19:41

All very odd doesn’t seem as if written by an actual person…

Redbluedog · 30/07/2023 22:06

There is nothing remotely attractive about a man that doesn’t bother with his children. A good dad doesn’t pick dating and sex over seeing his kids. That would be the biggest turn off in the world to me. His poor ex wife too left to pick up the day to day slog of raising his kids because he does not. He has not even let the dust settle on his marriage and is already dating and wants to move in with you. I bet he is the sort of man that claims to have a crazy awful ex wife in the background too. They always do.

AnotherDelphinium · 30/07/2023 22:11

Run. Seriously. Just run. Dating a man with kids is absolutely horrific. Get out before you get serious!

Msmarkle · 31/07/2023 09:54

OP I do feel for you as you sound like you have got yourself in a bit of a difficult situation, where you have opened your heart and started to get involved with a man who is just not a viable relationship for you. It sounds as though you’ve attached yourself to this man far too quickly. That in itself is not healthy.

You need to remove those rose tinted glasses. I think you are vastly dismissing the realities of the fact this is a man with young children and what that involves. His children are too young to just be hopping on planes to visit him. At those ages and with the newness of the breakdown of his marriage he should be putting all his spare time into seeing and building those connections with his children. He is not a good dad if he is using his limited time to see you miles away from his children. That should give you a very indication of the sort of husband and father he would be if you were to have your own children. As a past poster commented you will be in the exact same position of having a part time partner/husband as his ex wife.

This is if he is even being honest. He could be living a double life for all your knowledge. He has already proven he can lie so easily. If you read up on past mumsnet chats, you will see so many men who cheat all follow the same pattern or script. They were all apparently desperately unhappy for years, although none of them thought to communicate this to their wives.

I was on the other side of a cheating husband 10 years ago, since then he has gone on to cheat on his next partner and left her with a very young child. He had the same spiel of “we were unhappy for years” rewrote our relationship and did everything possible to try to shift the blame and justify his actions. At no point did he think to actually talk to me. It was the best thing that ever happened to me and I went on to marry a lovely kind man and I am happy.

You are 32. You are young. Find a man who actually respects you and you can have a real relationship with.

Readyplayerthr33 · 31/07/2023 13:52

AnotherDelphinium · 30/07/2023 22:11

Run. Seriously. Just run. Dating a man with kids is absolutely horrific. Get out before you get serious!

Do you say that about single mother’s too? Would you advise men to get out and run away from women with kids?

Redbluedog · 31/07/2023 13:59

I think there is a big difference for dating a women with kids, compared to dating a man who barely sees his kids. There is likely to be resentment in the background of an ex if a guy is not pulling his weight.

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