Is no message a message in itself?

Hiddenvoice · 29/07/2023 23:29

Sorry but I don’t think you guys are a match. You want more and that’s okay but he isn’t willing to give it. The okay with a thumbs up is such a rubbish reply. If he wanted to fight for the relationship then you’d have heard from him. Yes you’ve said stuff that’s probably upset him, did you explain more as to why you were feeling like that?

Don’t keep messaging him, leave it be now. It’s hard as you were invested and wanted it to go the distance but be thankful you know what he’s like now.

Slinkyminky22 · 29/07/2023 23:30

It sounds like it's over for him.
You told him he wasn't bringing anything to your life and it doesn't sound like he wanted to talk that through. Now he's completely ignoring you. He's shut off from you I'd say.
I hope you're OK.

SleepPrettyDarling · 29/07/2023 23:30

No communication is in itself communication.

It’s now time to take a deep breath, find your friends, and find your fortitude, and think about life’s next chapter, without this lad. You know the drill: block.

AquamarineGlass · 29/07/2023 23:31

Do nothing.

He will be in touch in his own time when he's processed everything.

This gives you lots of time to do your own thinking.

Don't chase a man whose ignoring you. It never ends well.

Original poster

Whowahway123 · 29/07/2023 23:41

This is exactly what I needed to hear. And if I’m being honest, it’s probably the same advice I’d give a friend in this position too. Better not to chase when he’s just not that in to me.

I tried to soften how I was feeling in my text but at the end of the day if someone was telling you you were currently bringing nothing to their life, it would hurt so I do get it and I told him I was sorry to have to bring it up. But i did try to be delicate about it & not character assassinate him.

Boredom (not calling you guys boring iykwim!) on a Saturday night is making me feel a bit glum & wanting to text him.

OP posts:

category12 · 29/07/2023 23:43

Well, do you believe you're worth more than this guy is prepared to give you or not, like you told him, or are you a fibber and not worth much after all?

If you're desperate for any old bloke, go chase him down. He's made it clear he isn't arsed and won't be making more effort.

Or don't settle. Being single can be good, it's what you make it.

Slinkyminky22 · 29/07/2023 23:48

Whowahway123 · 29/07/2023 23:41

This is exactly what I needed to hear. And if I’m being honest, it’s probably the same advice I’d give a friend in this position too. Better not to chase when he’s just not that in to me.

I tried to soften how I was feeling in my text but at the end of the day if someone was telling you you were currently bringing nothing to their life, it would hurt so I do get it and I told him I was sorry to have to bring it up. But i did try to be delicate about it & not character assassinate him.

Boredom (not calling you guys boring iykwim!) on a Saturday night is making me feel a bit glum & wanting to text him.

I understand. I remember that pull to keep contacting them but honestly, he's shown his feelings.

Try and find something to distract you when you feel like texting him. Make something to eat. Clean something. Open a pile of post. File and paint your nails. Empty the bins. Or just go to bed and sleep lol. You'll feel better soon, once you start to move on from thinking about him.

Lampan · 29/07/2023 23:55

“Would it not be better to have someone rather than no one?”
Absolutely not. A thousand times no. This thought is how so many people end up trapped in terrible relationships.
You want someone who enhances your life, not makes it more stressful

Grendell · 29/07/2023 23:56

You write as if you still have some control or agency over this relationship when he cut you off and became completely non-responsive. So, the answer to your question is, Yes - no response is a response. The answer is No.

Make your life interesting to yourself. You can get over this!

Moonshine5 · 30/07/2023 00:00

He sounds awful and you know deep down you deserve far better. To quote MN "he's shown you who he is, believe him".

TheInfusionist · 30/07/2023 00:02

If someone told me I didn't bring anything to their life, and that they were worth more, I'd consider myself dumped. The thumbs up would be acknowledging that I'd been dumped, and I wouldn't respond again.

You somehow feel like you've not ended things by telling him this, and want him instead to consider it as a constructive critique? This seems odd to me, unless there was a whole conversation around it that you've not shared with us.

Hawkins0001 · 30/07/2023 00:05

I guess wait and then if or when he messages then see from there. At least then it keeps the communication lines open

Restinggoddess · 30/07/2023 00:09

You deserve better - good on you for calling out his behaviour, if he was worth anything he would be making a better effort, but he isnt
Make other plans - walk away - live your best life
You deserve better

Aprilx · 30/07/2023 00:10

You seem surprised that you haven’t heard anything since you told him he brought nothing to your life and you are worth better! That was you dumping him. It’s over and sounds like you are better out of it.

Original poster

Whowahway123 · 30/07/2023 00:12

@TheInfusionist i made it clear that was not ending things with him, that I didn’t want to end things then and there, I wanted to work on our relationship. Even a simple ‘nah I’m done here time to move on this ain’t working for either of us’ would have been better than the non comms.

I keep on repeating to myself about someone enhancing my life …

OP posts:

WunWun · 30/07/2023 00:13

I think after three and a half weeks of blanking you you can definitely presume it's over unfortunately

weneedhelpandlove · 30/07/2023 00:19

Whowahway123 · 29/07/2023 23:25

Been with a guy 14months.
Worked away a bit but thought it was serious enough & had introduced him to my parents & teenager.

Bit of a rocky period around Easter where he said he was stressed & shut down for a bit but we picked it up again.

my birthday turned into an alright flop. I honestly thought he was only messing about with the sheer lack of thoughtfulness & crappy petrol station flowers, but nope, that was it. Now I have to admit I possibly went a bit glum on him, he went away for a work again.

I expressed my disappointment via text 3.5wks ago & he replied with ok and with the dreaded 👍🏻 I didn’t call off our relationship. I said that we had to work on our relationship as the way it was going I was unhappy. I maybe (horribly) told him he wasn’t bringing anything to my life right now and things had to change. I told him worth more than this which I genuinely think I am 🤔

and that, that is the last I’ve heard from him! Total ghosting! Blanking whatever you want to call it.

he isn’t answering texts or phone calls, I’m not blocked it’s double ticks and ringing out. I’m not sure if he’s home so i haven’t swung by his house as it’s about 45mins away.

should I keep texting asking to talk? Or should I just bag up all his stuff and myhermes / evri it to him and declare it over?

is the good old saying of ‘no answer is your answer’ in this context?

not going to lie, I’m pretty bummed at being in my 40s and being treated like this. I’m also trying to work out if I’m missing him or missing the idea of being in a relationship / having a partner ??? I’m kid free tonight but home alone because everyone else is coupled up. Would it not be better to have someone rather than no one? These are the thoughts running through my head oh wise MNetters.

any wise words?

Firstly, do you know if he's alive? I know that sounds dramatic but perhaps priority one would be to perhaps text him 'clearly it's over but can you let me know you're alive so I don't need to do a welfare check?' To perhaps prompt a reply. You're saying it's going to two ticks so I'm assuming it's WhatsApp, does he have his bluebticks/read receipts on, do you know he's seeing the messages?

Once you've established he's safe then heck yeah you deserve better. I'm just guessing he's a similar age? He shouldn't be playing games and messing with your emotions. Especiallly after an established relationship, you put so much effort in and introduced him to the people you love. The way he's behaving is disrespectful and nomatter what comes from this, he doesn't deserve to be with you. Even if he messages you months down the line saying he's made a mistake or that he just needed time to think, that doesn't concern you anymore. This is your story, your chapters, you deserve to be loved and respected and most of all, happy!

You've got this OP! Keep strong!

Annaishere · 30/07/2023 00:26

I think more than anything you’re never t liking being ignored. But contacting him even if you forced him to speak to you won’t make you feel better because you’re still being treated disrespectfully and now allowing yourself to be. He sounds really immature

Ofcourseshecan · 30/07/2023 01:59

From the birthday fiasco to the careless ‘ok’ reply, he has made it clear he doesn’t give a damn about you, in the most disrespectful way. Please don’t demean yourself by chasing him, which you are doing by messaging him. He’s not worth the effort.

Downunderduchess · 30/07/2023 02:11

Mate, move on. If someone likes you & wants to spend time with you they will let you know. It’s not meant to be a mystery/puzzle to be solved.

Divebar2021 · 30/07/2023 02:30

I don’t know why you’ve chosen to have a delicate conversation on text message - it’s madness. He’s taken your comments as a criticism ( which they clearly were). You would have got a thumbs up and no further contact from me too tbh.

ZeldaWillTellYourFortune · 30/07/2023 03:14

Whowahway123 · 30/07/2023 00:12

@TheInfusionist i made it clear that was not ending things with him, that I didn’t want to end things then and there, I wanted to work on our relationship. Even a simple ‘nah I’m done here time to move on this ain’t working for either of us’ would have been better than the non comms.

I keep on repeating to myself about someone enhancing my life …

If you have to "work on" a "relationship" that is barely a year old, why bother???

Newnamehiwhodis · 30/07/2023 03:22

I think he has earned your absolute indifference from this point out. His response is childish, passive aggressive and gross.
you do deserve better. Laugh in his stupid face if he ever tries to come back.
better Yet, simply block him everywhere.

daisychain01 · 30/07/2023 04:14

Firstly, do you know if he's alive? I know that sounds dramatic but perhaps priority one would be to perhaps text him 'clearly it's over but can you let me know you're alive so I don't need to do a welfare check?'

why should the OP give a shiny shit if he, an adult male to whom she owes zilch, is alive or not. Not Her Problem.

welfare check

the funniest suggestion on MN ever!

LightSpeeds · 30/07/2023 04:39

Whowahway123 · 30/07/2023 00:12

@TheInfusionist i made it clear that was not ending things with him, that I didn’t want to end things then and there, I wanted to work on our relationship. Even a simple ‘nah I’m done here time to move on this ain’t working for either of us’ would have been better than the non comms.

I keep on repeating to myself about someone enhancing my life …

He's ended things with you.