How important is sex to you

[needhelpgivelove]

So if you're in a living relationship with a nice man. He treats you right, he's sweet and you both have a giggle, would you be able to live the rest of your life without intense, passionate, sexy sex?

I'm in a really weird mindset. I'll be 30 soon, I've had intense, wild relationships and I'm no idiot. I know they where quite toxic but I miss feeling wanted. Feeling sexy and fucked. Is this normal? I've only been with my current partner for about 18 months but it's always been very tame.

Everyone has different desires and preferences. All the best op

He sounds more like a friend than a lover. If it's all very lukewarm now, it certainly isn't going to get any better. Sex is the glue that holds relationships together. It's what bonds two people together, which helps get through tough times.

It sounds like you are having sex but just not the intense kind? Could you try to improve it?

It's very important to me. Part of the reason I married DH was because he was generous and skilled in bed and because we've always had great sex. Part of what keeps our relationship strong and healthy, IMO, is our shared commitment to our shared sex life.

It's less important or not important at all to some people, and that's fine. And no relationship fulfils a person's every need. But I personally am a believer that in bed is where problems in the rest of the relationship often show up first. Selfish lovers are selfish in other ways. A lack of communication over intimate affairs often becomes a lack of communication in other important things.

I think of everything else is good, you need to talk to him. It's possible he'll never be the bend them over the desk and fuck them type.of that's important to you, dump him, but perhaps there's a compromise you can reach to turn the heat up.if its mismatched libidos not sure much will change it

I would take this foundation of a good relationship and build on it to e eventually fulfil all your wants and desires. I've been with my dh a long time but he didn't know me fully as a person when we got married, I just knew the trust was there for me to open up in time when I felt ready. Married 10yrs and I only told him my dirtiest fantasy last week.

Not that major to be honest!

It used to be majorly important but then our children grew up and became teenagers with impeccable hearing and very strong opinions 🙄

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Kind of meh. I like the after effects more than sex itself.

Very important, I wouldn't want a relationship where the sex was tame and meh

I don’t agree with PP that ‘sex is the glue that holds relationships together’. There are lots of reasons why some very loving, committed, healthy relationships have limited sex lives.

This is a really personal matter OP, there is no right or wrong answer. I’ve been in your situation, I was with a really lovely, stable guy, but he was boring in bed. We stayed together 5 years, but I eventually left him for the total opposite. A big hunky sex god, which fizzled out after 6 months.

I’ve married someone in between the two.

Is the sex fulfilling for you in other ways? Like maybe he can’t fuck you, but does he make love convincingly? Are you connected?

Maybe get him a book; ‘she comes first,’ is supposed to be good.

If you’d have asked me a few years ago I’d have said not that important. Then I dated someone who was great in bed and we had some pretty passionate sex. So now I wouldn’t want to settle for missionary boring kind of sex.

Very. I have a lot of very close friends: if I want love and closeness and humour and sweetness, I can go to any of them. I want something more from a romantic partner.

But why is the sex meh? Does he lack confidence, experience? Or is he just lazy and not interested in your pleasure or what gets you off? You can work with the former, if he’s engaged and willing to explore. Books, games, couples therapy, experimenting. There’s not a lot you can do with the latter, and I’d dump for that.

How are we defining passionate and boring?

Because a 'boring' session lying in bed can be very passionate if you're attracted to your partner and enjoy it.

Meanwhile an adventurous session can be awkward and not feel good at all. Or you can feel self-conscious.

Is the issue the things that you do together, or is it that his attitude is 'meh', and you don't feel desired?

he's sweet and you both have a giggle, would you be able to live the rest of your life without intense, passionate, sexy sex?

Yes.
Actually, I’d very happily live without any sex.
It just doesn’t mean anything to me.
I tried to force myself to care about it, but I just really don’t get it.

If it isin’t okey for you, then you should let this man go. He sounds amazing, and some other woman could be looking for man who isin’t obsessed with sex.
And you can find someone who is.
And everyone can be happy.

It's not that important to me as long as I feel close to someone emotionally.

I had a couple of long term relationships in my late 20s 30s where we didn’t have sex for months. Then I met a man in my late 40s who I actually really really found attractive and still do, and sex is very important. Every day if we can!

You obviously aren’t happy with what you consider an important factor of your relationship, so how are you planning to solve it ? Do you believe it can be solved ?
If the answer is no, then it’s best to end things as soon as possible or somewhere down the road you will, in all likelihood meet someone else who can address those needs and then life will go very sour, but please be aware ‘passionate, sexy sex’ with one person, that lasts a lifetime is highly unlikely. Growing older changes all manner of things, both physically and mentally. Good luck with whatever decision you make.

I'm 50, and it's very important, I want to be desired and fucked, ideally daily....I want that connection with my DP

Op I think really you care there is no passions in the relationship! And this is all that matters really? What you are asking is if you should compromise and accept a dead bedroom
in exchange for a nice guy?
I couldn’t be in a relationship like that! 30 is young, you are not past it by any means!
I’m 46 (f) and DP (m) is 42, been together 4 years and have passionate sex at least 3 times a week and we spend alot of time on lovemaking and do have more of its Xmas break or holidays. I get upset if it’s less than 3 times as I fancy him so much
and want to feel desired! We hold hands, leg squeeze, cuddle and tap each others bums in passing. He’s a very nice guy too and both elements so hand in hand plus having same aims for our future together.

I'm intrigued by your "dirtiest fantasy"!

Is there a clue in your username?

Im 51, its important to me in a relationship. I dont mean energetic , chandelier swinging sex (disability), but connection and intimacy related to sex yes.
Im single atm...so not too bothered..i miss the intimacy and touch but nothing else tbh

I’m married to the most amazing man - there’s absolutely nothing I would change about him.

I don’t see sex as that important to be honest, r probably do it 1-2 times a fortnight but I can go longer and not even realise. I don’t miss it if we aren’t having it.

We used to have a more frequent sex life but then children came along and things changed.

When we do have sex it’s great and I really enjoy it but it’s not an hugely important factor of our marriage to me.

My DH would have sex much more frequently if he could but he understands that my drive isn’t as high as his.

What’s actually making it tame/boring for you? Lack of positions? Lack of lust? Is it rushed? What exactly is it that you aren’t happy with?