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Original poster

Early warning signs that new boyfriend's a "Disney Dad"

29 replies

Ypa79 · 26/07/2023 01:05

I have been single for some years and now trying OLD. The man I'm seeing has 1x DS. I have never dated another parent before. Is there anything to look out for? My ex is a total Disney Dad but I assume he hides this from his girlfriends as if they knew what my ex was really like, they would run a mile. At this point there has been no major red flags (e.g. new guy hasn't asked me to babysit or even suggested his DS and I meet) although he has said he doesn't get on well with his ex. My ex and I don't get on either though, because my ex is an abusive and violent alcoholic!
Just wondering if anyone's encountered anything subtle that is a sign of a Disney Dad? The new guy has his DS with him alternate weekends and half of the school holidays.

OP posts:
Bluesheeps · 26/07/2023 01:07

I guess if he just waits an appropriate amount of time to introduce you and doesn’t as you to do any parenting?
do you have kids?

SleepingStandingUp · 26/07/2023 01:27

I suppose the big qn for me is why he doesn't have him more. And I guess lookout for him slagging off the ex about how she spends all HIS maintenance on herself etc. Tales of being totally OTTwhen he does have him

calmcoco · 26/07/2023 01:38

I think 50% of non-school days is pretty standard. Splitting 50/50 can end up very disruptive for the child.

The things that would concern me would be being disrespectful about the mum, chopping and changing arrangements, not having boundaries/standards of behaviour for the child, never doing the hard bits. Obviously any unkindness as a parent would majorly put me off.

LabelleLabelle · 26/07/2023 06:47

A Disney dad is one who just rocks up on weekends and spends a ton of ££ on trips and toys but pays basic child support and moans about paying for school shoes. He will make a fuss about sharing special occasions for the glory but use his annual leave to go on his own holiday and not to take time off with the kids in the school holidays. A Disney dad will get his mum to help him with childcare so will visit her nearly every time he has DC. He might even do overtime on his child contact days and go to the pub as well but let the DC stay up late eating whatever they want. A Disney dad doesn’t have any boundaries with the kids as they don’t respect him and his house has no rules, but he does have silly weird immature rules

Goldencup · 26/07/2023 06:59

LabelleLabelle · 26/07/2023 06:47

A Disney dad is one who just rocks up on weekends and spends a ton of ££ on trips and toys but pays basic child support and moans about paying for school shoes. He will make a fuss about sharing special occasions for the glory but use his annual leave to go on his own holiday and not to take time off with the kids in the school holidays. A Disney dad will get his mum to help him with childcare so will visit her nearly every time he has DC. He might even do overtime on his child contact days and go to the pub as well but let the DC stay up late eating whatever they want. A Disney dad doesn’t have any boundaries with the kids as they don’t respect him and his house has no rules, but he does have silly weird immature rules

Well explained, my question is can you have a Disney Dad that still lives with his children ?

Atalanta1 · 26/07/2023 09:39

Does he have a proper bedtime for his son? Actually cook for him himself? Do homework?

Songlines · 26/07/2023 09:43

LabelleLabelle · 26/07/2023 06:47

A Disney dad is one who just rocks up on weekends and spends a ton of ££ on trips and toys but pays basic child support and moans about paying for school shoes. He will make a fuss about sharing special occasions for the glory but use his annual leave to go on his own holiday and not to take time off with the kids in the school holidays. A Disney dad will get his mum to help him with childcare so will visit her nearly every time he has DC. He might even do overtime on his child contact days and go to the pub as well but let the DC stay up late eating whatever they want. A Disney dad doesn’t have any boundaries with the kids as they don’t respect him and his house has no rules, but he does have silly weird immature rules

You've just described my STBX SiL exactly!

Epidote · 26/07/2023 09:44

@LabelleLabelle oh gosh, I've just realised my ex is a Disney dad. I always thought he was just a morron.
Thanks for the clarification.

ConnieTucker · 26/07/2023 09:47

Does he take his child on holiday when he has a holiday?

LabelleLabelle · 26/07/2023 10:01

Goldencup · 26/07/2023 06:59

Well explained, my question is can you have a Disney Dad that still lives with his children ?

Show quote history

Yes for sure. This is someone who posts really nice photos on Insta of a day out he paid for but did no planning and you were so stressed out, but makes out like he was having the best fun ever and best dad but expects thanks for ‘babysitting’ his own kids. If you go out, he will not put them to bed as it was too hard and they played up. He will buy them things he likes to play with himself and tell you that you are being boring if you want to have boring things like rules or routines

LabelleLabelle · 26/07/2023 10:08

Basically a Disney dad is someone who wants all the fun bits but not the boring hard bits. It’s like having another child around. They either just don’t seem to get it or they don’t WANT to get it

a dad who hates his ex isn’t always a Disney dad but anyone who uses the kids to get back at their ex is not a good person really.

You want to spot a man who is an equally active parent who doesn’t undermine the other parent and has their DC best interests at heart not their own

CindersAgain · 26/07/2023 10:11

To be fair to him, he might be only telling you the fun bits. It’s understandable for him to tell you about the water park he took them to, but not that he had to buy them new trainers and spend ages on their spellings. Just seems like more interesting conversation.

Thechitterbug · 26/07/2023 10:18

@LabelleLabelle
Perfectly described. My youngest is getting to be almost grown up now(17) and it's funny how men haven't changed much sadly. I would also add(obviously when you get to know him better); does he mention his child's Parents' Night (attending it or being interested in how he is getting on at school), (my NSDex couldn't tell you what our DD is doing re: A-levels, ),would also reinforce if he seem to slag off his ex , especially in front of DS. Does he support his ex's boundaries like if she disciplines DS for being naughty , does he go along with it or just ignore it. (My ex if I removed pocket money from our DD for not doing chores would undermine me by giving her cash, so it was useless.) I appreciate the wee guy might be too young for these and it's early doors. Good luck OP!

Mble · 26/07/2023 10:29

I briefly dated one once. It was really obvious. Lived a long way from his child, even though his job wasn’t great and he could easily have moved to the same city as his son. Very self absorbed about his own emotions over not seeing his child but unwilling to actually do anything about it. Spoilt his son massively when he came to visit even though he knew it annoyed his ex. He spent loads on outings, gifts and stuff for his son, so he could get the benefit of looking like a great dad to his son, but couldn’t really afford it and I got the impression he payed very little towards his sons actual upkeep. He had no boundaries about who his child met and would have happily introduced me to him even though we were not serious(I refused). I found his parenting style a total turn off and my sympathies lay with his ex.

CatsSnore · 26/07/2023 10:31

Green flags would be:

Bedtimes and in their own beds

Spellings

Reading to dc

Knowing what shoe size they are

Thinking/communicating with ex what uniform bits they're both getting.

Being fair to ex - so not a you get child support you have to pay for everything but also not a walk over where he pays for absolutely everything on top of child maintenance.

Boundaries eg, not complaining that his dc won't go out for a walk and letting him play xbox all day, ie letting dc rule the roost.

But that's my list and tbh I'd never date a man with young dc again as that's my type of parenting and I can't deal with permissive types or overly authoritarian either.

Mble · 26/07/2023 10:34

Also, he would make a huge fanfare about having him for week during the holidays. He was so wonderful and special for being responsible for this child he had created. As if he was dad of the year for having him to stay a few times!

Thechitterbug · 26/07/2023 11:13

@Mble oh Gawd, yeah tell me about !

gogomoto · 26/07/2023 11:30

@Goldencup

Sure can, my exh was one. The kids aren't stupid though, they saw through it and he wonders why as an adult one of my DD's isn't interested in seeing him much, she reminds him he never bothered with parents evenings, school events, played golf when they were in holiday childcare

Original poster
Ypa79 · 26/07/2023 17:49

Thanks for all the posts. My ex is such a Disney Dad, to the extent that he goes abroad with his girlfriend then does nothing when DC are with him! And all the other behaviours you listed too 🙈🙊

New boyfriend has mentioned that he is more like a friend to his DC. It is an ambiguous phrase and can mean different things to different people. But I have always been very clear that I am not my DC's friends, I am their mother first and foremost.

OP posts:
Original poster
Ypa79 · 26/07/2023 17:52

Mble · 26/07/2023 10:29

I briefly dated one once. It was really obvious. Lived a long way from his child, even though his job wasn’t great and he could easily have moved to the same city as his son. Very self absorbed about his own emotions over not seeing his child but unwilling to actually do anything about it. Spoilt his son massively when he came to visit even though he knew it annoyed his ex. He spent loads on outings, gifts and stuff for his son, so he could get the benefit of looking like a great dad to his son, but couldn’t really afford it and I got the impression he payed very little towards his sons actual upkeep. He had no boundaries about who his child met and would have happily introduced me to him even though we were not serious(I refused). I found his parenting style a total turn off and my sympathies lay with his ex.

He sounds utterly vile - that poor little child of his 😰

OP posts:
Original poster
Ypa79 · 26/07/2023 17:55

CatsSnore · 26/07/2023 10:31

Green flags would be:

Bedtimes and in their own beds

Spellings

Reading to dc

Knowing what shoe size they are

Thinking/communicating with ex what uniform bits they're both getting.

Being fair to ex - so not a you get child support you have to pay for everything but also not a walk over where he pays for absolutely everything on top of child maintenance.

Boundaries eg, not complaining that his dc won't go out for a walk and letting him play xbox all day, ie letting dc rule the roost.

But that's my list and tbh I'd never date a man with young dc again as that's my type of parenting and I can't deal with permissive types or overly authoritarian either.

Thanks for this it's a really helpful list - I love the thing about knowing shoe-sizes!! My ex does not know our DC's shoe sizes

OP posts:
Original poster
Ypa79 · 26/07/2023 17:58

Bluesheeps · 26/07/2023 01:07

I guess if he just waits an appropriate amount of time to introduce you and doesn’t as you to do any parenting?
do you have kids?

Happy Dance GIF by Warner Bros. Deutschland

Yes I do have DC of my own who are slightly younger than this new boyfriends DC. I am not looking to introduce them to anyone for the foreseeable future as my split with my ex was horrendous and my ex has had several different girlfriends who they have grown attached to then they just vanished from their lives 😪

OP posts:
Pinkbonbon · 26/07/2023 18:04

I'd be more worried about him not getting along with his ex. Sounds like unnecessary baggage tbh.

I mean I guess thr same could be said of you if your ex is still in your life tbf. But I'm just pointing out that there's really no need to choose people who have drama with exs.

Either way I'd want to know WHY he doesn't get on with his ex. And things like - does he take ANY responsibility for the breakdown of that relationship? That way you can establish maturity. Or lack of.

Original poster
Ypa79 · 26/07/2023 18:10

Did not mean to add that gif, sorry 😅

OP posts:
Original poster
Ypa79 · 26/07/2023 18:16

Pinkbonbon · 26/07/2023 18:04

I'd be more worried about him not getting along with his ex. Sounds like unnecessary baggage tbh.

I mean I guess thr same could be said of you if your ex is still in your life tbf. But I'm just pointing out that there's really no need to choose people who have drama with exs.

Either way I'd want to know WHY he doesn't get on with his ex. And things like - does he take ANY responsibility for the breakdown of that relationship? That way you can establish maturity. Or lack of.

Yeah that is a good point actually - regardless of the reasons it is unnecessary baggage to be with someone who doesn't get on with their ex. Their relationship broke down because she left him for her current partner. I think their DC was very small at the time though not exactly sure of the age

OP posts:
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