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Original poster

Early warning signs that new boyfriend's a "Disney Dad"

29 replies

Ypa79 · 26/07/2023 01:05

I have been single for some years and now trying OLD. The man I'm seeing has 1x DS. I have never dated another parent before. Is there anything to look out for? My ex is a total Disney Dad but I assume he hides this from his girlfriends as if they knew what my ex was really like, they would run a mile. At this point there has been no major red flags (e.g. new guy hasn't asked me to babysit or even suggested his DS and I meet) although he has said he doesn't get on well with his ex. My ex and I don't get on either though, because my ex is an abusive and violent alcoholic!
Just wondering if anyone's encountered anything subtle that is a sign of a Disney Dad? The new guy has his DS with him alternate weekends and half of the school holidays.

OP posts:
MintJulia · 26/07/2023 18:21

Atalanta1 · 26/07/2023 09:39

Does he have a proper bedtime for his son? Actually cook for him himself? Do homework?

This.

Does he actually put any effort and thought into looking after his child - or does he rely on his mum to buy pants, socks, calpol etc. Does he look after his dc when he is poorly?

Does he help with schoolwork, teach him to swim or cycle.

Or does he just take dc on flashy days out and buy lots of tech for them to keep in their rooms?

Pinkbonbon · 26/07/2023 18:33

There's usually a lot more to it than someone just going to be with the other woman/man though isn't there? IF that's how it happened.

I mean sure, sometimes they do just cheat and leave but...especially for women id say, there's generally a lot more too it than that. Women tend to want to work at relationships...when they leave its normally because they've dine everything they could to fix it.

I'm generalising of course but...

Put it this way, if a guy cheated on you and left, even though you know it was wrong of him you'd probably still wonder what you could have done differently.

If he said something like 'I look back and see that we were not happy. I should have spoke with her more about things when we were together. She was wrong to do what she did though'.

To just say she cheated with no sign of any self reflection... would worry me.

I'm NOT saying anyone is responsible for their partner cheating. Just that normal people tend to look inwards and reassess their choices when it happens.

If there's no sign of any self reflection...it would worry me. Potentially.

Original poster
Ypa79 · 26/07/2023 23:33

Pinkbonbon · 26/07/2023 18:33

There's usually a lot more to it than someone just going to be with the other woman/man though isn't there? IF that's how it happened.

I mean sure, sometimes they do just cheat and leave but...especially for women id say, there's generally a lot more too it than that. Women tend to want to work at relationships...when they leave its normally because they've dine everything they could to fix it.

I'm generalising of course but...

Put it this way, if a guy cheated on you and left, even though you know it was wrong of him you'd probably still wonder what you could have done differently.

If he said something like 'I look back and see that we were not happy. I should have spoke with her more about things when we were together. She was wrong to do what she did though'.

To just say she cheated with no sign of any self reflection... would worry me.

I'm NOT saying anyone is responsible for their partner cheating. Just that normal people tend to look inwards and reassess their choices when it happens.

If there's no sign of any self reflection...it would worry me. Potentially.

That's a really good point you raise here. There was little reflection on his part just that the ex has left him for someone else.

He definitely does "fun dad" stuff with his DC but not sure how much boring stuff he does; that being said if he only sees his DC in the school holidays and EOW then why wouldn't he be doing fun stuff.

OP posts:
Original poster
Ypa79 · 26/07/2023 23:36

calmcoco · 26/07/2023 01:38

I think 50% of non-school days is pretty standard. Splitting 50/50 can end up very disruptive for the child.

The things that would concern me would be being disrespectful about the mum, chopping and changing arrangements, not having boundaries/standards of behaviour for the child, never doing the hard bits. Obviously any unkindness as a parent would majorly put me off.

Yes I have my DC more than my ex, who has them 1 school-night per week. I know that 50/50 is the starting point now but also that this can be extremely disruptive for children.

OP posts:
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