Possible dv?

[georgieeb487]

Just looking for some advice as im feeling very lost at the moment. I've been with my current partner for 9 months now, we both have children from previous relationships and he's great around my children. He's amazing with me very reliable and for the most part everything I've ever wanted in a partner, however he has some anger problems. It's clear that maybe things were over looked when he was younger and he often questions weather he has adhd or something similar. He has a skilled job but can become overwhelmed by small tasks outside of work. He's never lost his temper infront of my children or when they've been home however usually during a weekend they're with their dad we have an incident. So he's never punched me or anything but on one occasion smacked me on the leg during a disagreement and it left a hand print on my leg for the whole day, during a disagreement he's not allowed me to walk away or have space and blocks ny way, he's grabbed my throat on a few occasions out of frustration, he's pinched me, grabbed me inappropriately during a disagreement, called me a slag, on another occasion he continued to have sex with me after I'd repeatedly told him no when he was doing it every second he said are you sure you don't want it and I said I do not want it please stop but never pushed him because one I was scared and two he's much bigger, he's pinned me down before and so on. In short he can not control his frustration. After an incident when I was driving last week I've told him enough is enough we can't be together at the moment. I don't deserve this, I had a very very traumatic childhood I don't need to feel anxious constantly when I'm still trying to recover from severe anxiety. He's been non stop pleading and begging since I broke it off, he's cried his eyes out to me and visited his gp today for help. What I'm wondering is could things improve, would I be evil to leave him when he's struggling so badly I'm full of guilt. But I'm also full of anger because I didn't deserve this. I think because it's never happened around the children I feel maybe it's not so bad. He does things for me nobody else does and I've never had anyone love or want me as much as he does. I'm just very confused and lost. Has anyone had any similar experiences or has knowledge? Thanks

@georgieeb487 My heart breaks for you. You have been through an ordeal, but you will come through the other side on this. The mental strength to report it all to the police is the hardest part and you've gotten through it. Please stay strong and look after yourself. Go to those close to you for support. You will be OK.

@georgieeb487

I really applaud you for the strength you have shown in acknowledging you need help and asking for it, then following through with taking the actions you needed to take to get that help and away from a rapidly escalating abusive man. I'm sorry that your abuser has made life so difficult for you since breaking up with you, but well done for contacting the police when you did. You might want to make a Clare's Law report to the police, adding your own experience, so that warning is there for the next woman your Ex encounters.

I really hope you manage to find new suitable accommodation elsewhere soon. Good luck for the future. 🌹

Well done for leaving 🩷🩷

Well done for being strong for your children

Well done on reporting, I hope you're being given proper support by one of the officers. I'm the meantime look at using brightsky and hollieguard. They are apps you can use on your phone. Hollieguard is a safety app and brightsky is a support and diary app. Your experiences will automatically be added to his record so will already be on any further Claire's law request. Has the oic done you a referral to NCDV and the safe spaces/sanctuary scheme to improve security at your address?

We'll done, I can only imagine how hard this has been for you but you've done the right thing.
Despite everything you've gone through you've found your boundaries and acted on them. Be proud of yourself.

Well done for getting rid, OP.

thankfully you don’t have children with him so he should leave you alone, but if he doesn’t please record and keep everything. Do not speak to him on the phone if he ever contacts you again, save every message if they are threatening or abusive. If he comes round again call the police immediately.

Well done. You are stronger than you realise. Please get some help to cope with your trauma. Women's Aid are very good at this, they really helped me get things sorted in my head and reinforced where you need to build boundaries in relationships. It was also good meeting other women who had been through abuse as you feel less isolated (although obvs awful that there are actually so many of us). They can also provide you with support through the legal process.

Again, well done, you might not feel it, but you've done a great thing for you and your children, I applaud you.

Well done for involving the police.

You poor poor woman.

I am so sorry for you.

Such a terrible criminal.

Please reach out for victim support.

We are here for you.

Hope all goes ok for you. Hope this is a turning point in your life for the better. There is a brilliant fictional book, but based around the author’s mum’s experience, called It End With Us, by Colleen Hoover. I couldn’t put it down when I read it and have gone on to read the sequel, It Starts With Us. It is inspirational and might help you see how you’ve done the right thing.

Well done op