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Original poster

Erectile Dysfunction

56 replies

Cindy1990 · 24/07/2023 07:59

I had a huge fight with my husband with which I have two children. He said some really hurtful things about me so I faced him with erectile dysfunction.
I love him despite all his flaws but he was hurting me very badly so it just came out.
It's been a month now, he blocked me on all social media platform, he is not even asking about the children. He is sleeping at his parents house.
I wrote him more than 15 apology texts with no answer.
What do you think shall I do? Should I keep reaching out to him even though he is not answering? Should I give him space?
Awaiting your feedback ladies.

OP posts:
adriftabroad · 24/07/2023 10:50

Disgustingly, it is usually over use of porn/extreme shite/only fans/take your pick.

STBXH was pathetic with it.

WannaBeRecluse · 24/07/2023 10:56

It could be performance anxiety. Was with my Dh anyway. Gosh, the way he handled that. I'm not surprised you snapped. Chances are you've tried to be nice about it, bottled up all your frustration, then his being mean to you made it come out. He's really reacting over the top about it though.

Original poster
Cindy1990 · 24/07/2023 11:02

@WannaBeRecluse yes he's been dealing with it for 2 years now and I have been supportive although in many occasions he used to blame it on me saying that I don't know how to turn him on. As @adriftabroad had said, it is maybe because he is used to masturbate a lot that the feeling of a woman won't satisfy him as much anymore.

OP posts:
guineacup · 24/07/2023 12:02

BatheInTheLight · 24/07/2023 10:15

Did the ED have anything to do with getting the snip? Out of interest before we go ahead with it 😆

I wouldn't just take my word for it, but having the snip doesn't have any impact on sexual performance (apart from the period immediately after when it heals but that js pretty quick). If anything it helps as it removes the anxiety of accidental pregnancy.

NoDatingFor0ldMen · 24/07/2023 12:21

FedUpMumof10YO · 24/07/2023 08:05

So he can say hurtful things but you can't ?

Has he apologised ?

I think the relationship is over and so it should be.

Yep, apologies have to go both ways

CarrieOnBoris · 24/07/2023 17:43

Maddy70 · 24/07/2023 09:17

ED is the cruelest thing to mock a man over I'm not saying that it justifys any of his hurtful comments to you. But that is something he can't do anything about

Write a letter saying this will be your last communication with him. Be clear. He had to communicate or this is the end of your marriage and to not see the children is punishing them and is cruel

Add if he refuses to communicate you will then have no option but to contact a solicitor and arrange custody agreement

He can do something about ED. Go to see his GP for a health check for a start. ED can be a precursor to a heart attack so it very important to get checked. They may be medication for the ED.

guineacup · 24/07/2023 20:58

"ED is the cruelest thing to mock a man over I'm not saying that it justifys any of his hurtful comments to you. But that is something he can't do anything about "

Errr, heard of viagra?!

Original poster
Cindy1990 · 25/07/2023 07:33

Well he did Viagra for some time but then he starting having blood pressure issues so he had to stop them.
I don't mind his problem, I love him unconditionally. It's just that he can be extra mean sometimes. He is hard to please. And the worst part is that during this entire month he has ignored his children.
I understand that he can be a bit hurt but it's been a month now and we have two kids to take care of and I have apologized many many times about it.
His behavior is driving me crazy.

OP posts:
WannaBeRecluse · 25/07/2023 07:35

Cindy1990 · 25/07/2023 07:33

Well he did Viagra for some time but then he starting having blood pressure issues so he had to stop them.
I don't mind his problem, I love him unconditionally. It's just that he can be extra mean sometimes. He is hard to please. And the worst part is that during this entire month he has ignored his children.
I understand that he can be a bit hurt but it's been a month now and we have two kids to take care of and I have apologized many many times about it.
His behavior is driving me crazy.

That's pretty lousy behaviour on his part, especially towards his kids. What are you going to do if/when he wants you to come back? Sounds like he's maybe being passive aggressive here?

Original poster
Cindy1990 · 25/07/2023 07:39

@WannaBeRecluse I will keep texting him every once in a while in hope that he will wake up one day and admit his responsibilities. Meanwhile, I will try shifting my focus towards the children.

OP posts:
WannaBeRecluse · 25/07/2023 07:40

Cindy1990 · 25/07/2023 07:39

@WannaBeRecluse I will keep texting him every once in a while in hope that he will wake up one day and admit his responsibilities. Meanwhile, I will try shifting my focus towards the children.

I think I'd make him chase me, rather than the other way around.

Original poster
Cindy1990 · 25/07/2023 07:41

@WannaBeRecluse You think so?

OP posts:
WannaBeRecluse · 25/07/2023 07:46

Cindy1990 · 25/07/2023 07:41

@WannaBeRecluse You think so?

Well, that's up to you, but it's just my style to not let someone keep me 'in reserve' for when they are ready to pick me up again.

LetItGoHome · 25/07/2023 07:52

I think he has shown his true colours. Please don't beg and grovel for him back. What message does this give to your children?
Your poor children having a father who ups, leaves, then goes no contact for a month.
I think your focus should be on the emotional wellbeing of your kids now and move on without him.

Stratocumulus · 25/07/2023 08:30

I’m so sorry you are going through this. It sounds like you have been very patient with his ED issues.
.
If you stop contacting him I think he just might get curious about why? That might drive him to be in touch?
Who knows how the male brain works.

Give him a taste of his own medicine & stop reaching out to him. Give him space.

If he’s not in touch for another couple of weeks or a month I think you’ll have to accept your relationship is dead in the water. In that case I’d see a solicitor & start the of legal separation process. Just get something legally-binding drawn up.

Life’s too short for his power game shenanigans.

Original poster
Cindy1990 · 25/07/2023 09:16

@LetItGoHome @Stratocumulus omg ladies it is draining! I will try my best to focus on the children. I will stop contacting him to see where things will go.
Thank you so much for your feedback.

OP posts:
adriftabroad · 25/07/2023 09:18

Please do not contact him and see a lawyer in the meantime to get an idea of where you stand. x

Tiredmummaoftwo · 25/07/2023 09:31

Tempone · 24/07/2023 09:16

His feelings are hurt so he has ignored his children? That's awful, I would stop apologising, tell him stay where he is. I can't believe he is punishing his children like that. He is a useless father.

This 💯.

You told him a hurtful truth. It happens sometimes. It's not a reason to not see your children. Men putting their dick first 🙄

SpringleDingle · 25/07/2023 10:58

I'd stop contacting him and move on with my life focusing on the kids initially and making plans to split up. His behavior is unforgivable. You had a row and both said hurtful things. It's fine for him to take space for a few hours to let tempers cool before addressing issues with you but this is stonewalling and is totally out of line. He is punishing you in the hope of brining you to heel and in turn is punishing his kids. I'd not be able to get past this.

Stop apologising, find your anger, consider very strongly starting divorce proceedings.

Itistimeandiamscared · 25/07/2023 11:22

Tempone · 24/07/2023 09:16

His feelings are hurt so he has ignored his children? That's awful, I would stop apologising, tell him stay where he is. I can't believe he is punishing his children like that. He is a useless father.

This.
And this again.

Stop apologising. Stop chasing him. He was being mean to you. You responded to his actions. He is not a victim here.

Original poster
Cindy1990 · 25/07/2023 11:51

Gosh ladies, I don't know how parents can sometimes take revenge on innocent children. This is horrible. I also brought up that he needs to settle their tuition fees the soonest possible with no response at all. This behavior disgusts me. Some people are not meant to be parents.

OP posts:
AnneLovesGilbert · 25/07/2023 11:55

You shouldn’t, and likely don’t, love anyone unconditionally but your children.

The relationship sounds completely dysfunctional and broken.

Go see a lawyer, you can file for divorce yourself, and open a claim for child maintenance. It’s over.

Tighginn · 25/07/2023 12:59

He is trying to manipulate you to conform. His parents probably behaved in this way. The fact they are allowing him treat you and his children in this way whilst they sit back at watch it live show is disciple, you know what they are capble of now, they will never support you or your children.

Beargrumps22 · 25/07/2023 14:23

Doubt he has told his parents the whole truth. personally sounds all a bit childish and tit for tat. for a problem like ED you should have been working together to get help he needed but he does not sound much of a man not checking on the kids but he is probably licking his wounds. time to move on for you both

Justcallmebebes · 25/07/2023 16:39

I can't understand why you're being so passive and accommodating. He's verbally abusive towards you, can't get it up, which is your fault, and is emotionally negligent towards his v young children. Where's your anger?

You should change the locks and serve him with divorce papers. Pathetic excuse of a man and father and you're letting him do this