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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

DH, what do you think of this?

34 replies

namechanged221 · 23/07/2023 20:50

When an attractive woman with a nice bum walks past us, DH always purposely looks off in another direction.

But it's just so obvious the way he does it.

This evening he was literally looking up into the sky... instead of looking at his brother's girlfriend's bum when she was walking in front of him.

I actually said, why are you walking along looking up at the sky???

He might as well say, oh she's got a nice arse?

It's just a bit annoying. is this normal behaviour?

OP posts:
mrstiggytinkle · 23/07/2023 20:53

I don't know to be honest.

Difficult one.

My partner said - there was a context, but of an argument - that he makes an effort to never look at a woman when he's with me as he'd hate to make me uncomfortable.

Torn between thinking that is considerate as everyone man notices attractive women (I do too), and wondering what he does if I'm not there, or why he has such a strong urge he has to fight.

Since he's said it I've noticed he sort of looks away if we drive past someone in gym gear etc. I'm not sure how I feel. Let me know if you work out whether to be upset or outraged. Confused

MNetcurtains · 23/07/2023 20:58

namechanged221 · 23/07/2023 20:50

When an attractive woman with a nice bum walks past us, DH always purposely looks off in another direction.

But it's just so obvious the way he does it.

This evening he was literally looking up into the sky... instead of looking at his brother's girlfriend's bum when she was walking in front of him.

I actually said, why are you walking along looking up at the sky???

He might as well say, oh she's got a nice arse?

It's just a bit annoying. is this normal behaviour?

Would you prefer it if he ogled her arse and drooled? Jesus women!, Maybe he's being considerate towards you.

Original poster
namechanged221 · 23/07/2023 21:01

I don't know.

It's just so obvious. He might as well just say it outright??

I really could just do without him doing that, cant he just act normally?

OP posts:
Original poster
namechanged221 · 23/07/2023 21:03

Would you prefer it if he ogled her arse and drooled? Jesus women!, Maybe he's being considerate towards you.

Maybe that's what I need to hear?

But I wish he made it less obvious?

OP posts:
Wheretostartstitching · 23/07/2023 21:09

He is purposely looking away because he doesn’t want you to think he is looking.

It doesn’t mean he thinks her arse is nice (though it might be). There’s no judgement on anyone’s arse in that action.

he doesn’t want you to think he is looking or he doesn’t want to be accused of looking so is looking away.

It almost sounds like you want him to stare at womens arse so you have something to have a go at him about. Which would explain why he looks completely away.

cigarettesNalcohol · 23/07/2023 21:13

Do you easily get jealous though ? If he notices an attractive woman and you noticed he has noticed her... would you get upset with him / start sulking ?

OhTheHokeyKokey · 23/07/2023 21:15

Sounds like a case of "damned if he does, damned if he doesn't.."

MNetcurtains · 23/07/2023 21:17

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Aria2015 · 23/07/2023 21:19

Sounds like he's trying to be considerate to you and not be a perv by staring. Much better than the alternative imo!

Original poster
namechanged221 · 23/07/2023 21:23

'It doesn’t mean he thinks her arse is nice (though it might be). There’s no judgement on anyone’s arse in that action.'

Well there is because he only does it when there's an obviously attractive woman there.

I don't say anything about it... just quietly notice the behaviour. So why not just act normally rather than this ridiculous display of looking away?

If you saw it, you'd probably get what I mean..

I see attractive men around and I manage to behave in a consistently normal way, without drawing attention to myself?

OP posts:
pinksheetss · 23/07/2023 21:30

Attractive people are everywhere and it sounds like if he even looked toward them then he'd be perving?
He's trying to be respectful by looking away

Definitely sounds a 'damned if you do, damned if you don't' situation

Original poster
namechanged221 · 23/07/2023 21:36

I know that there are attractive people everywhere, is it not just possible to behave normally?

OP posts:
Wheretostartstitching · 23/07/2023 21:37

namechanged221 · 23/07/2023 21:23

'It doesn’t mean he thinks her arse is nice (though it might be). There’s no judgement on anyone’s arse in that action.'

Well there is because he only does it when there's an obviously attractive woman there.

I don't say anything about it... just quietly notice the behaviour. So why not just act normally rather than this ridiculous display of looking away?

If you saw it, you'd probably get what I mean..

I see attractive men around and I manage to behave in a consistently normal way, without drawing attention to myself?

Or he knows which women you assume he will be eyeing up. It’s entirely possible he knows how insecure you become around women that look certain ways. And if you think he is looking you will be annoyed.

The more you post the more I think he is doing it for a quiet life. He doesn’t want to be accused of anything so looks completely away, then He can’t be accused of anything.

pinksheetss · 23/07/2023 21:38

Depends what your perception of 'normal' is

Sounds like if he'd looked straight ahead when walking then he'd have been looking at her bum and that seems to be the only thing you have picked up?
Have you confronted him about it before?

Original poster
namechanged221 · 23/07/2023 21:41

No I've not, as I said I just keep quiet and notice the behaviour.

If he looked straight ahead that would be normal because that's how people usually walk along the street? And wouldn't draw attention to himself?

But this evening I actually said why are you walking along looking up at the sky??

OP posts:
daisychain01 · 23/07/2023 21:47

namechanged221 · 23/07/2023 21:36

I know that there are attractive people everywhere, is it not just possible to behave normally?

Absolutely! Why can't your DH treat a woman like a person, whether they're attractive or otherwise. It sounds like he's doing it to make a point.

Yes thanks DH you're such a fab person for looking in the opposite direction when a woman walks past [sigh].

What does he want, a medal?

Mommasgotabrandnewbag · 23/07/2023 21:47

I get it OP. My husband manages to NOT oggle women whilst simultaneously acting normal. It can be done.

This would piss me off

Original poster
namechanged221 · 23/07/2023 21:50

Mommasgotabrandnewbag · 23/07/2023 21:47

I get it OP. My husband manages to NOT oggle women whilst simultaneously acting normal. It can be done.

This would piss me off

Yes exactly. Thank you... it just makes me feel uncomfortable actually.

Especially if I thought we were chatting and he suddenly does this thing.

And this evening it was his brother's girlfriend which makes it just really uncomfortable.

OP posts:
weathervane1 · 23/07/2023 21:50

It could also be that the OP's DH doesn't want the women with the nice figures to think that he may be perving and so is trying not to make them feel uncomfortable, and in doing so is perhaps coming across as a bit awkward?

Zoeywelly · 23/07/2023 21:53

Hehe! I think that’s kinda respectful to you and cute, I mean people have nice figures, and some have better looking faces than us, but he is saying “nope, I refuse to look cuz I love my other half” 😊 don’t you think?

Original poster
namechanged221 · 23/07/2023 21:56

weathervane1 · 23/07/2023 21:50

It could also be that the OP's DH doesn't want the women with the nice figures to think that he may be perving and so is trying not to make them feel uncomfortable, and in doing so is perhaps coming across as a bit awkward?

Well he was behind, so they wouldn't see that... so not that.

But yes that would be a nice interpretation but I do feel that there's no action actually needed.

Most people just behave normally in this situation.

OP posts:
OsirisservesAnubis · 23/07/2023 21:57

My DH does this. He doesn't want to be looking at (and potentially having thoughts) about other attractive women, the reason is two fold - he feels it's disrespectful to me and it's disrespectful to the other woman.

I don't mind. It's totally unreasonable to think he (or I) will never find another person attractive.

Dery · 23/07/2023 21:58

Not read the full thread because I was just so irritated with someone complaining about their BF looking away from attractive women’s butts. I mean - poor man. You sound rather tricky, OP.

SunflowerTed · 23/07/2023 21:59

namechanged221 · 23/07/2023 21:41

No I've not, as I said I just keep quiet and notice the behaviour.

If he looked straight ahead that would be normal because that's how people usually walk along the street? And wouldn't draw attention to himself?

But this evening I actually said why are you walking along looking up at the sky??

The irony is it’s you who is making a massive deal out of other Womens arses! Poor bloke !

madeinmanc · 23/07/2023 22:05

It's men, OP, they're not the same as us. A gorgeously, 10/10 attractive man can walk past us with his butt to us and we don't feel compelled to stare at it and take it in or to exaggeratedly look away to show we're not staring and taking it in, but they can't. A woman's figure holds an undeniable power over straight men.