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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Lost and Confused

30 replies

SoulMateDestiny · 23/07/2023 18:11

I have been a lurker for a long time... sadly never did I think to post. About 5 weeks ago my husband sent me a message effectively stating the marriage was/is over. He works away, so sent this whilst away.

I am utterly bereft, lost and confused, I did not see this coming, yes we did have the usual issues, stress, family life etc, etc, but nothing like this.

I am just looking for advice, I have no idea what I am going to do. He has already stated that I can stay in our joint home for 2 years (good of him eh), but in the next few months, he would like me to sign over my half of the house, thus relleasing half the equity to myself.

Any advice to a broken, lost woman,Thank you

OP posts:
Beachside82 · 23/07/2023 18:17

Advice?

get ye to a kick ass solicitor

pronto

Bonbon21 · 23/07/2023 18:18

What a charmer.
He can 'like' what he wants, but what he actually gets will probably be quite different.
You need to get yourself to a solicitor pronto with all the documentation you can find or copy.
You need to look after yourself, mentally, physically, but crucially.. financially.
He may have been a reasonable, decent man once... but that ship has sailed and all bets will be off...
Look after YOU... cos no-one else will.

Original poster
SoulMateDestiny · 23/07/2023 18:20

Thank you lovely messages. Unfortunately I am not in a position to get a solicitor..I just cannot afford one ..even though I'm working.

I'm just so lost....feeling suicidal... just so so lost....as if I'm in a dream land...

OP posts:
LadyGardenersQuestionTime · 23/07/2023 18:23

So sorry to hear this. I would say don't rush into anything immediately - unless it's seeing a counsellor (do you have access to any counselling through work?) and talking to real life friends. Don't even rush to see a solicitor if you don't need to make any legal/financial decisions yet. Give yourself some time to process the shock.

Original poster
SoulMateDestiny · 23/07/2023 18:26

The saddest thing...ending a marriage by text....not even have the decency to speak to me nothing..

OP posts:
Icepinkeskimo · 23/07/2023 18:34

Aww OP I’m so sorry to read this. Absolutely cruel and cowardly he is, have you got any family or close friends? Please ignore what he would “like” to happen, he’s not running your life and dictating to you.
You need some support firstly, honestly it’s all too much to do things like this by yourself.

Beachside82 · 23/07/2023 18:35

How long has you been married?

Original poster
SoulMateDestiny · 23/07/2023 18:40

I don't much family left....they've been kind, but they have their own difficulties. No unfortunately I don't have any friends. Was married 7 years. Since he's left( he works away). He hasn't once asked if I'm OK. If kids are OK and not given me any money whatsoever.. nothing

OP posts:
Beachside82 · 23/07/2023 18:47

No the saddest thing isn’t ending the marriage by text op

You have just thrown in that you have children with him. Presumably very young?

Beachside82 · 23/07/2023 18:47

You don’t have a single friend?

colleague?

DoubleTime · 23/07/2023 18:48

I'm sorry OP, that is terrible that he took such a cowardly and disrespectful way of telling you something so important. No wonder you feel dazed.
Stay in the house like he says, but don't sign anything until you get advice. Don't some solicitors offer free 20 min. introductory sessions ? Or maybe get a zero interest credit card?

Original poster
SoulMateDestiny · 23/07/2023 18:49

Yes unfortunately I'm being totally honest....not a single friend. I do have have colleagues...but whilst they're lovely.... its not something I would comfortable I'm confiding

OP posts:
Original poster
SoulMateDestiny · 23/07/2023 18:50

Yes I have children.. they're mine. Its my second marriage...I have no children with him.

OP posts:
Beachside82 · 23/07/2023 18:51

How old?

Adoree · 23/07/2023 18:52

Whatever you do - do not sign anything at all . Full stop. You are entitled to 50% of everything , in some cases maybe more plus staying in the property whilst your children are young .
Phone around solicitors , some give 30 minutes free , you will need legal advice at some point in time .

Beachside82 · 23/07/2023 18:55

Adoree · 23/07/2023 18:52

Whatever you do - do not sign anything at all . Full stop. You are entitled to 50% of everything , in some cases maybe more plus staying in the property whilst your children are young .
Phone around solicitors , some give 30 minutes free , you will need legal advice at some point in time .

You haven’t been through a divorce have you?

Beachside82 · 23/07/2023 18:56

Let alone a short marriage second divorce with no children involved (not his)

Diminishingreturns99 · 23/07/2023 19:05

What should op do if she can’t afford a solicitor? Someone on here must know? Could she get advice from Citizens Advice? Anywhere else?

Op please don’t sign or agree to anything yet. Him ending a seven year relationship by text basically throws any chance of relations with him being decent or amicable as he obviously isn’t capable of those things. What a low life coward!

Op please go and see your gp to start with. You are so on your own with this. Tell them you are suicidal. They will be able to help and direct you towards other resources. Your dc need you. Don’t let this toad of a man ruin all of your future.

I know things are beyond awful now but please hang in there. You will come through this and feel differently given time 💐. But in the first instance please reach out to someone whether that’s a hicar, a neighbour or a colleague or the Samaritans. It’s a cliché but a problem shared is a problem halved - or if not halved - at least diminished… .

Keep strong x

Original poster
SoulMateDestiny · 23/07/2023 19:05

No I'm not divorced yet.... he's just left me.. bit wanting a divorce. My two children are under 16

OP posts:
onlylovecanhurtlikethis · 23/07/2023 19:30

So sorry OP - my husband of 10 years together nearly 20 - who I do have 3 children under 6 with ended our marriage last year by text. Men are cowards.

It's shit but time to start getting things in motion. It's a second marriage for you with no kids of his involved so start planning what you would like to get out of the divorce

Original poster
SoulMateDestiny · 23/07/2023 19:33

Yes its my second marriage. But the children had a relationship with him.... its incredibly painful. I'm so sorry for everyone going through this...

OP posts:
Adoree · 23/07/2023 22:31

@Beachside82

errrrm actually yes I have .

Beachside82 · 24/07/2023 06:06

Well then you should post know better than to post bonuses that someone is You are entitled to 50% of everything , in some cases maybe more plus staying in the property whilst your children are young .

when this is a 7 year marriage
And the children are not his

oh and you know squat all about the detail of their finances

pure fiction you have posted

Beachside82 · 24/07/2023 06:06

bonuses should read nonsense!!

Adoree · 24/07/2023 11:45

@Beachside82

Wow just wow .
I'm glad I don't know you , if you look back on posts you will see that the op was talking about kids / family life etc.
Her later post about the children not being his was wrote about the same time I wrote mine , so did not see that latest post so I suggest you calm yourself down .