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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

What to do about this colleague?

30 replies

RILEYM1982 · 23/07/2023 17:28

I was dating this woman (I got her a job at my work) I split up with her (I tried to help her with her addiction) Ever since if I walk past her in the building she runs in the office telling management I said or did something to her when I haven't.
4 times I have been called into the office every time I am found not guilty management check the cameras and ask witnesses.
I do not talk to her or look i do not even mention her.
I only leave the office with another staff member, she works in the warehouse.

OP posts:
Original poster
RILEYM1982 · 23/07/2023 17:43

One of her friends told management they were a witness but when they checked the cameras nothing happened and her friend was not even there. When i see her friend around the building he puts his head down when he sees me.

OP posts:
ExtraOnions · 23/07/2023 17:55

Put in a grievance. It’s a form of bullying …

StrictlyAFemaleFemale · 23/07/2023 17:56

Has she been repremanded for wasting time and several false accusations? What does your LM say about this?

Summer2424 · 23/07/2023 17:59

Hi @RILEYM1982 sorry you're going through this. I think management are probably tired of her too, evidence shows you haven't done anything wrong. I know it will be difficult but I think just continue with your daily work routine and do everything to avoid her. She will hopefully in time back off.

Original poster
RILEYM1982 · 23/07/2023 18:09

I am anxious to walk around the building alone (Outside the office) as she will make stories up again. I have tried to avoid her as much as possible and will not be in a room alone with her. Management have told her not to use the office canteen to use the warehouse canteen but she ignores them and walks into the office canteen. She also lurks around the office door when it is my break times hoping to catch me alone then she will run to management again with stories.

OP posts:
Holliegee · 23/07/2023 18:14

She has got issues !, I think I would put it in writing that you are feeling persecuted and indeed vulnerable and list the occasions and ask for hard and fast plans to avoid this.

FatAgainItsLettuceTime · 23/07/2023 18:14

You need to raise a formal grievance, it all needs to be formally investigated, documented and dealt with.

Original poster
RILEYM1982 · 23/07/2023 18:20

She is on the agency and has a lot of time off sick. I split up with her because she was addicted to drugs i supported her with the counselling then she stopped going then it snowballed from there.

OP posts:
Cherrysoup · 23/07/2023 22:54

Have you put in a grievance yet for her harassing /bullying you? If not, why not? You've been exonerated 4 times, she's clearly trying get you in trouble.

Original poster
RILEYM1982 · 24/07/2023 00:37

I will put on in when i return to work tomorrow. I have never smoked i do not even drink a sip of alcohol if i am driving.

OP posts:
BackAgainstWall · 24/07/2023 07:30

Everything you have written on here, you need to state in a report to your manager/correct authority there.
They need to be fully aware in case this escalates.

You must protect yourself.

StrictlyAFemaleFemale · 24/07/2023 08:39

Sorry if I've misunderstood you, but if she is employed via an agency the can't your company just ring the agency and say she's not needed anymore?

Avastmehearties · 24/07/2023 08:51

Raise a grievance with dated examples as PPs have said. Ask to know what action will be taken as you feel vulnerable especially if she has involved other people. Make clear that you only want to do your job, it isn't about any personal history together. If she is agency she will probably just be let go. Ask your manager about forwarding the complaint to the agency.

GreyCarpet · 24/07/2023 09:17

Blimey! You picked a right one there, didn't you!

I agree with putting in a grievance. You don't need that level of stress at work and she is clearly ignoring management advice to her to avoid you. Instead, she's actively seeking you out.

I'd say you're doing all the right things in terms of avoiding her and managing the situation yourself but it's not working so now it's time to escalate it.

cstaff · 24/07/2023 09:26

Bloody hell OP - so you helped her with getting a job and also with her addiction and she has the nerve to turn on you.

As said above definitely take note of everytime she passes negative comment about you and report her right back. She is the one with issues here. Do your employers know that you were in a relationship. I know it is none of their business but if this continues, you should probably tell them and they will hopefully realise that this is on her.

No good deed.... and all that.

Original poster
RILEYM1982 · 24/07/2023 12:31

I’ve had a meeting with my line manager today and he said he will get the ball rolling (his exact words) If I leave the office to get something from the warehouse (Example : paperwork) as soon as she sees me she will leave her area she works in a walk towards me then run back to her area and make an accusation.

OP posts:
GreyCarpet · 24/07/2023 12:49

Your manager's response sounds positive! Hope it all gets sorted.

BMW6 · 24/07/2023 13:24

Get and wear a body camera?

Original poster
RILEYM1982 · 28/07/2023 14:52

An update she has been lurking around again and still goes in the canteen whilst I’m there. Apparently management claim they have spoken to her but it hasn’t done anything as she just carries on.

OP posts:
Ella31 · 28/07/2023 15:17

Record everything, don't be alone with her. Always leave if you see her. Your work knows now and cctv is there. It's now up to your work to deal with her.

FOJN · 28/07/2023 18:37

The managers sound a bit spinless to be honest. Surely after the first accusation they would have made it a priority to check cameras etc before even talking to you about it. They know you are being bullied and harassed and they don't appear to be doing anything about it. If she is an agency worker then they can just not employ her.

Do you have a union? I would contact them for advice if you do and I would keep a detailed record of every incident involving her and any contact you have with your manager about it. I would also follow up any conversations with your manager with an email so that there is documentary evidence of what you have done to resolve the issue.

I would take care outside of work too, this person has stalker potential written all over them.

Good luck.

Original poster
RILEYM1982 · 29/07/2023 00:32

Thanks for all the good advice. Yes the management are cowardly. One employee had 96 days sick in a year nothing was said to them.

OP posts:
Newnamehiwhodis · 29/07/2023 03:14

She is harassing you , and this is not legal. She is creating a hostile work environment. Start writing down every incident, and collect any proof you can to begin creating some proof

TickingKey46 · 29/07/2023 07:08

I wondered how management would deal with it if it was the other way around! A man was harassing a woman!!!

nevynevster · 29/07/2023 07:15

Have you raised this as a formal grievance in writing ? It sounds to me as if you need to have HR involvement as your manager is not capable. They have to take your concerns seriously and this woman should have been formally reprimanded for raising concerns which were false. That should have been enough for them to take action already.
Your work should have a policy that covers this (bullying or harassment policy ) and if you don't know what the policy is then I'd recommend speaking to the union rep if there is one (you don't need to be a member). Even if there's no union rep then just ask for a HR meeting and you should lay out the facts as you have done and then clearly state the impact on you and your ability to do your job without fear of reprisal.

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