She’s everything I’m not….

[WTF202333]

STBXH has a new girlfriend. They got together quite quickly after our split and seem very full-on, she may have been OW at some point but I guess I’ll never know.

The thing is, she seems soooo different to me and everything that ExH said that he didn’t like in a woman. She’s loud, I’m quiet. I’m very natural looking, she has lip fillers and Botox. I’m quite career focussed, she’s part time with 3 young children.

Now she could be the loveliest woman and I have nothing against her, what I can’t wrap my head around is the fact that maybe I didn’t know my husband well at all. I’m focusing on my own life and getting on with things quite well but I feel railroaded (again) that I obviously didn’t know what he wanted after all! Anyone else been here?

@Diminishingreturns99 , thank you for this. You’ve summed up exactly how I feel and what I was trying to say x

I said the exact same thing. As he has her, he could now leave me alone.

Even though he doesn't see the dc, if they happen to see him or message etc, he doesn't even ask how they are. All he does is talk about himself. In fact he isn't speaking to my dd right now as she called him out, in a restaurant, which caused quite a scene. The man didn't know what to do with himself as how very dare someone tell him he's in the wrong. Wouldn't have it. Wouldn't even bring dd home. She had to phone me to fetch her.

When I found out, I gave her a high five.

Arse. Doesn't deserve his DC.

But you can be very sure that part of the appeal to this woman OP, is probably that she tells him how great he is, and he will joyously be telling her just how awful you are.

But you are moving on wiser for it.

I am sure you already do, but try get every single thing in writing. Even if it's messaging about the dc, any communication. As if things are as I suspect, he will deny things, say your making things up, misheard him etc etc. Divorcing these types of men is quite a hurdle.

You bound to feel the way you do …most of us women would look at the new woman and think is she prettier than me ect it’s human nature this isn’t something you wanted so your bound to be thinking and overthinking bless you

He was looking for a new (different) woman, and this one was available and sufficiently interested

This! Plus she may put him on a pedestal, and be a cheerleader for him so he gets the attention.

@Diminishingreturns99 well put.

My stbxh seems to have gone for another physical version of me which I find disconcerting actually. But she was the ow and good luck to them. I try not to give them head space.

I believe men don’t particularly find women with children attractive at all, they are simply part of the deal. Most women of a certain age have children and those who don’t through choice can afford to be choosey.
I know 2 women who left their very kind, reliable, caring husbands for men totally the opposite. The first husbands were great, nothing wrong with them. The second husbands, well where do I start. One has been in Prison, slept with half the town. The other is a member of Britain First and posts crap on social media about refugees and keeping Britain for the white British.
I knew both women well and would never have thought they would end up like this.

Quite simply

you don’t know what goes on behind closed doors with those very kind, reliable, caring husbands

She might not be his Ms Right OP, but just his Ms Right Now.

Rebound .

Honestly OP - I would rather this than my scenario where exH has got with someone older than me, also with 3 kids of similar ages. After he told me he didn’t want to be in the family unit, didn’t want kids etc!

I feel like I’ve been swapped out -she lives down the road! I was sure it would be a 20 or 30 something (he is early 40s) not someone well into 50s. It actually makes me feel worse - a midlife crisis rebound with a young thing would have been funny. This makes me feel like I was simply not good enough.

It’ll be sex.

So I'm nothing like my DPs ex wife. She's a SAHM with no career, none of the same interests he has and anxiety issues. Physically, slightly similar but otherwise I'm entirely different, career focused, same interests as him and much more interested in trying and exploring new things in life.

My ex husband is nothing like him either, and probably that's why he's my ex. And yes, sex plays a big part.

But people we marry met the needs we had then, but we all change, and things we thought weren't important in a relationship turn out to be.

The important thing is to move on from the relationship ending, it is what it is, as much as you would wish it differently.

Yes! My ex always went on about my weight. I’ve always been a size 8 but after three children my stomach isn’t as tight. Did everything to tighten but didn’t work. My skin just lost it’s elasticity. Still a size 8 though and nobody would ever see beneath my clothes. He would go on and on about how I needed to diet. I eat very healthy and always have done. Anyway, we got divorced as I didn’t feel I was good enough for him. Now he’s with a woman who I’d guess is a size 16-18! She is covered in tattoos which he hates and has lip fillers which again he always said he hates. She’s not even a nice person, think fisherman’s wife but foul mouthed with it. I don’t think men know what they want. Or maybe they tried but failed so settled for someone nothing like us. They thought the grass was greener but really they were punching above their weight and had delusions of grandeur? 🤣

Op kindly, it might not be about his ‘type’ but about chemistry, things in common etc. Many people (most in fact) have been or will be attracted to someone who isn’t their usual type. That doesn’t mean it’s doomed.
Im sorry this happened but try not to go over it- it sounds like your ex has become a different person to the one you knew