Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

I said something hurtful to dh

45 replies

ActiveSon · 22/07/2023 21:52

I’ve been planning a big expensive family holiday for about a year. We go next week and I admit I have been tetchy about it. Dh has done very little with the planning and his sense of humour is to tease me about it. This evening dh made a comment about the holiday. On the lines of why have you booked x place, I have heard that y place is better. I snapped and said that I was dreading going with him because of this type of comment. Obviously he is upset and says that I have no sense of humour. I have apologised but dh says that he doesn’t want to speak to me. I don’t know what to do next

OP posts:
LunaNorth · 22/07/2023 21:54

Sounds like you were entirely reasonable to me.

DustyLee123 · 22/07/2023 21:55

He’s a knob. He needs to apologise and stop it.

LunaNorth · 22/07/2023 21:55

And, having re-read your OP, your husband isn’t being very nice to you.

MotoRolling · 22/07/2023 21:56

He sounds awful why is he teasing you about something that you have been working hard organising? It's a nasty comment to make and he should apologise.

Puppyseahorse · 22/07/2023 21:57

So he claims that was a joke? What was funny about it?

Unclecornelius · 22/07/2023 21:57

Your dh doesn’t know what is funny and what’s not if he thinks you lack a sense of humour!

CheshireCats · 22/07/2023 21:57

He's a knob. You have called him out for it. He doesn't like the truth.
Not you who is in the wrong.

Seasideanticscanleadtosandybuckets · 22/07/2023 21:58

Maybe tell him you didn't book a space for him..
Then say you were joking.
Or really leave him behind..

Louloulouenna · 22/07/2023 22:02

Strict rule in our house; you either help with the holiday arrangements and come up with constructive suggestions at the time of booking or you absolutely shut up!

Izzy24 · 22/07/2023 22:06

‘Teasing’ is a form of emotional abuse when it causes distress.

AnneLovesGilbert · 22/07/2023 22:09

Too late to go with someone else? What he said wasn’t funny, he was having a dig and making your life harder. I think you know that.

You don’t need to do anything (other than inviting someone else), don’t try and appease him, he’s a twat.

Original poster
ActiveSon · 22/07/2023 22:14

Thanks for your comments, definitely making me think. So in a normal relationship, what should happen next? I have apologised because I did snap and I was mean. We go on holiday on Monday and our 2 dc are very excited

OP posts:
fortnumsfinest · 22/07/2023 22:20

I don't think you have anything to apologise for op.
What he said wasn't a joke, it wasn't funny regardless oh how he tries to dress it up

Tilllly · 22/07/2023 22:21

ActiveSon · 22/07/2023 22:14

Thanks for your comments, definitely making me think. So in a normal relationship, what should happen next? I have apologised because I did snap and I was mean. We go on holiday on Monday and our 2 dc are very excited

Next?

He apologises and thanks you for doing all the planning

Pixiedust1234 · 22/07/2023 22:24

he is upset and says that I have no sense of humour.

So what did he think was funny about his comment? It sounds more like he was moaning, nitpicking or belittling your choice. I wouldn't find that funny either.

Does he undermine all your choices or just this one?

Ofcourseshecan · 22/07/2023 22:30

His comment was upsetting, you quite reasonably pointed this out, but he’s the one who feels hurt and you’re the one apologising. Riiiiight …..

LiesDoNotBecomeUs · 22/07/2023 22:31

Can he explain how undermining your efforts is funny... to anyone?

He isn't very good at jokes (he does know that they are supposed to amuse their audience?) and he is being deliberately mean but partly covering this as humour. Nasty man!

K8ate · 22/07/2023 22:32

If it was a joke, it was mis-timed considering the effort you have put in.
However, it sounds like your reaction was over the top and extremely personal.

Had this have been the other way round, the previous responses you have received would have been quite different.

ThePM · 22/07/2023 22:42

K8ate · 22/07/2023 22:32

If it was a joke, it was mis-timed considering the effort you have put in.
However, it sounds like your reaction was over the top and extremely personal.

Had this have been the other way round, the previous responses you have received would have been quite different.

Her reaction was over the top? No it wasn’t actually. What could she have said that would have been equivalent to his “joke” but continued the “Bantz “ we all know it isn’t.

Her husband is rude, is trying to undermine her, and sabotaging their holiday. Who knows why- probably just because he’s a cunt- same as all the others who are happy to dish it out but are massive crybabies when anyone says anything.

Wallywobbles · 22/07/2023 22:42

It's easy to criticize when he has no skin in the game and is just a passenger. I'd have a serious conversation with him and suggest he thinks carefully about how he wants the holiday to go.

Boopeedoop · 22/07/2023 22:50

He's sabotaging your holiday isn't he. He is going to guarantee that you don't enjoy it, because you picked it so it's your fault, and he was "only joking".

Does he always do this?

CrazyArmadilloLady · 22/07/2023 22:51

DH’s sense of humour can be a bit like this - teasing, and when it is funny, I laugh along - he genuinely does make me laugh, including at myself, which I think is healthy.

Sometime though, it doesn’t hit the mark.

When that happens, I tell him. He doesn’t get to be The One Who Decides Things Are Funny. He doesn’t get to tell me when I’m being ‘too sensitive’, thereby doing nothing more or less than being ‘too sensitive’ himself!

Tell him. He made a joke at your expense that wasn’t remotely funny - this isn’t you being ‘too sensitive’, it was him not being funny. Don’t do it again. Oh, and tell him not to be so booodt ‘sensitive’!

Please don’t go grovelling and apologising - just no.

CrazyArmadilloLady · 22/07/2023 22:54

Honestly OP - he makes an arsehole comment (it wasn’t a joke - you know that, he knows that - and he knows you know that!), so why on earth would you apologise?

He was making a dig.

ballsdeep · 22/07/2023 22:55

I opened this expecting something terrible.
he hasn’t helped plan then at the last minute decided to pipe up. I’d be annoyed too!!! Tell him to grow up

decaffonlypls · 22/07/2023 23:06

My dh leaves all the planning to me then has an opinion at the 11th hour. He's no longer welcome to ask what's been packed or have opinions on what we are doing from 24 hours before we leave. He is welcome to help with packing and listen when I discuss plans

Swipe left for the next trending thread