Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

I hate myself sometimes

30 replies

asecretslob · 22/07/2023 20:53

I suffer with ADHD normally I can manage most aspects of it but sometimes tidiness of my place lets me down

I normally hide this side of me quite well or at least do my best

I have had a horrific week at work and have let things slip I feel completely overwhelmed with trying to do things to help other people and let my place get really messy

My partner of nearly two years let himself into my place and is now not talking to me over it
He was meant to be somewhere else so I thought I had the weekend to sort it out

It's horrible feeling so overwhelmed and he is making me feel so bad

He literally told me he was going somewhere else but turned up because he said I was being off with him

OP posts:
Menopants · 22/07/2023 20:57

Why is he not talking to you? What an arsehole

Original poster
asecretslob · 22/07/2023 20:59

Because my flat was so messy he was shocked
Or he is talking to me to say things are broken between us now I should say

OP posts:
TurnerP · 22/07/2023 21:01

Just because of a messy house? Point out that he did come over unannounced so you had no time to tidy. It is not the end of the world and shouldn't be the cause for the end of a relationship

Menopants · 22/07/2023 21:02

Fuck him then. It’s your space, things get messy sometimes esp if you have adhd. Honestly don’t hate yourself, u prioritised work and people the mess can always wait. Have you read how to keep house while drowning? It’s really good on the ‘guilt’ aspect of mess.

pictoosh · 22/07/2023 21:04

He can fuck off then. I have ADHD and my place is a perpetual tip. I've always been like that, never able to get on top of it. If he's going to get upset by it he is not the man for you.

Original poster
asecretslob · 22/07/2023 21:08

Thank you and @Menopants I shall order it

It's hard I haven't been home before 10 all week and the only day I was home I got home at 3 am and had to be up for 8

I m also struggling a little to keep up with work so I needed to prioritise this

I was mortified when he came over he said he was going somewhere else and would he over for a week or so

OP posts:
JamSandle · 22/07/2023 21:10

He's in the wrong here. You didn't know he was coming over and didn't have time to tidy. He's being unfair and unkind.

Menopants · 22/07/2023 21:13

Get the audio version of the book. Easier to absorb

Original poster
asecretslob · 22/07/2023 21:13

It was really messy but I spent the last two weeks with him living here waking at 6 and staying awake til midnight to drop him at an event he was working at so I felt completely overwhelmed this week already

OP posts:
Menopants · 22/07/2023 21:15

you need people in your life who support you and make you feel good about yourself not controlling fuckwits who come to check on you good luck and a big hug

Original poster
asecretslob · 22/07/2023 21:18

I do think he was already cross because I was out til 11 the day before

OP posts:
Menopants · 22/07/2023 21:22

dont Let men treat you like a child. Fuckers

Snugglemonkey · 22/07/2023 21:30

Why is your flat any of his business? Why is what time you come in anything to do with him? He sounds like an arse.

TurnerP · 22/07/2023 21:35

Can you take your key back to stop him from dropping in unexpectedly again in future

Original poster
asecretslob · 22/07/2023 21:40

It's actually quite disconcerting hearing your door open unexpectedly

OP posts:
TurnerP · 22/07/2023 21:42

asecretslob · 22/07/2023 21:40

It's actually quite disconcerting hearing your door open unexpectedly

Yes it really is!
The secret slobs of the world fully support you

Dery · 22/07/2023 21:44

He sounds a bit of a git, tbh, @asecretslob . If he’s not talking to you because your flat became untidy when you had a frantically busy week and he turned up unannounced then he doesn’t sound worth having around.

Original poster
asecretslob · 22/07/2023 22:09

Well yes now he is saying that my reaction was suspicious because I was flustered and emotional

OP posts:
2catsandhappy · 22/07/2023 22:19

My ex used to lie to me saying he would be turning up x day, then turn up the day before. He was absolutely trying to catch me with someone. It was all in his head. He also would tell me I was being, weird, off, funny, iffy, and that I was acting guilty!
He would say, you havn't tidied because you are busy having an affair. When I did tidy, he would say, you are hiding evidence.
Is he trying to keep you off balanced? Does he want you worrying and wondering when the next 'spat' is going to happen?

Original poster
asecretslob · 22/07/2023 22:20

@Menopants how downloaded that book
Thank you !

OP posts:
Original poster
asecretslob · 22/07/2023 22:31

@2catsandhappy I really don't know

Maybe it's time I ditched him and got another cat

OP posts:
Dery · 22/07/2023 23:11

So now he’s making out you were up
to no good. He sounds controlling. And a bit of a knob.

Original poster
asecretslob · 22/07/2023 23:43

@Dery

True and it's completely irrational

My place was not fit for entertainment

OP posts:
persisted · 22/07/2023 23:59

Someone who loves you does not give a toss if your house is a mess.

You're an adult, you get to decide what time you get in, how tidy your house is, and whether or not to feel bad because your partner is being an interfering arse. You don't have to justify it.

The only acceptable response from him in this situation would be along the lines of, are you ok? Do you need a hug? I know you've been madly busy so here's something nice for dinner. He doesn't get to treat you like this.

Bells876 · 23/07/2023 00:24

It would have been nice to of help you sort things out to take some pressure off you. Sometimes it can be overwhelming where to start some help would of been kind