Husband socialising 37 weeks pregnant

[FirsttimemummyLDN]

I’m trying to figure out if I’m being an emotional mess or my husband is useless and I’ve made mistake here.
I’m currently 37 weeks pregnant, my husband is very sociable, so was I but I’m tired and want to be near home.
He keeps going out after work, or meeting friends and I keep asking him to not drink too much or stay out late. Problem is, he does both EVERY time, for example tonight, said he was just going for 1 or 2, it’s now nearly 11 and he still isn’t home, when I message he says he’s heading home but clearly isn’t. I text asking him to be sensible and I just feel like I’m nagging him, I’m sick of this.
Am I being an emotional mess and unreasonable?
We also have a scan at 9am tomorrow and know he will be hungover!

Hope your scan goes ok OP!

Something needs to change now as if he's bored at home now, things are about to get worse for him.

Babies, as cute and wanted as they are, are creatures of habit and the 3 hourly routine of feed, change, sleep, 24hrs a day is really quite boring. Then you hit the stages of sleep refusal and the crying that that evokes can be relentless....

It's magical too, don't get me wrong, just if he's bored now, he'll be more than bored in a few weeks.

You've already spoken to him about it.

Do you think there is some magic combination of words that you can find that will make him grow up?

He knows how you feel.
He knows the baby could come any time.
He knows there's a scan in the morning.

What else can you say?

As other PPs have said, now is the time for actions. Find a friend to be your birthing partner. TELL your husband that if he has one more night out between now and the baby coming that your friend will be stepping in for the birth. Bring her to all your appointments from now on.

Don't wake him up for the scan. Just go.

It's the time for consequences - he needs to get himself together- you can't do it for him.

Getting drunk three times a week is pathetic. Even without a pregnant wife at home.

I hope things improve for you OP, and this is just the result of nerves on his part. But be prepared for doing a lot of this without his support. If he feels entitled to write himself off with drink when you could go into labour at any moment, then he will likely feel the same once the baby is actually here.

Im currently 38 weeks with my second OP and I wouldn’t be happy about this. Saying that, my DH was away last weekend for an event (2 days but 1 night) but it was planned well in advance and we had a back up ready to go in case anything happened. He also came back sober second day in case he needed to drive that evening/night. I do remember worrying that he would be the same before DC1 as he is very sociable, but not to the extent of going out 2-3 times a week and vomiting. He’s a great dad and has grown up a lot since my first pregnancy 6 years or so ago. We’re actually at an event next weekend (close family wedding) and he’ll be drinking, I’ve already laid down the law that he must not get in a state, mix drinks etc just in case and there will be others who would be able to drive me to hospital if I went into labour. I’ll likely be in bed by 9pm as I’m not at all sociable 🤣

I agree with Pp and hope you didn’t bother to wake him this morning. To me, getting so drunk 2-3 times a week is an issue, I don’t know anyone who goes out that often to get into a state who isn’t a student or an alcoholic. I really hope your scan goes ok and he wakes up really regretful and it gives him a kick up the a*se, there is absolutely no doubt you deserve better!

He’s being EXTREMELY selfish.

Our rule has been that DH is not to drink beyond driving limit from 36 weeks. And not to drink at all from 37 weeks.

You are now full term so baby could come at any time - what help would he be in labour if he’s drunk?!

Also, worth clarifying your expectations once baby is here. Is he planning on going on these nights regularly when you have a newborn? This would also be extremely selfish.

OP I think going out 2-3 times a week at this stage is ok, but makes a huge difference whether he’s having a couple or he’s getting so drunk he throws up. If it’s the former, and this is total one off, then serious reality check talk needed, but if it’s the latter, then you need to have a serious think about things.

I'm sorry OP, I hope you've gone to the scan and all is good with the baby.

The drinking culture in the UK is such that the idea of not drinking for a couple of weeks, or reigning it in for a partner who's not been drunk for nearly 9 months is a tall ask. It's utter madness.

He's selfish and weak, if he can't say no to getting totally hammered or see it from your perspective. We talk a lot on these boards of raising the bar, and this is an example. The pps who's partners stopped drinking at 35 weeks, that's the bar. No fuss, no medals given out. Just do something that supports your partner and get on with it.

I agree you should go to the scan on your own - but only if that would be a punishmen for him - as in, he would really be disappointed to not come. However he may well appreciate being left alone for an extra-long lie in, whilst you do all the baby-related legwork. This might be him showing you how it's going to be from now on, depressingly.

My friend's partner was like this. He continued after the baby was born and in the end she chucked him out. After a few months' separation he realised the error of his ways and now is a good dad. I hope your story has a similarly happy ending, but hopefully with the birth of the baby leading to him wising up instead of having to separate. I would be very clear with him though that this isn't on. Don't see it as you being his mum (I know it feels this way though), see it as you setting clear expectations for him of what's needed to be a good partner and dad. See if you can find out what's behind it - is he just having a good time or is it actually pre-baby anxiety about life changing? Is he trying to pretend he's still 17? Etc. And hopefully you can help him address the issue. If he doesn't shape up then don't rely on him, put alternative arrangements in place for labour and chuck him out (or leave yourself) for a few days so he gets a wake-up call.

Are you kidding?
Whether he ‘holds his drink’ or not, who the hell is going to drive OP to the hospital if he’s over the limit? That’s assuming he’s even around.

OP, I hope your appointment went well. I think you need to consider, whether pregnant or not, is your DH going out and getting drunk 2-3 nights a week a normal thing? If so, he has a much bigger problem. I am only in my 1st trimester and my DH is fairly conscious of how much he drinks (he's aware that him being drunk isn't fun for a sober me). He obviously still socialises but we have already discussed that from 37 weeks there is a 0 tolerance on alcohol. There are plenty of non alcoholic options if your DH still wanted to socialise.

It could be a very poor coping strategy if he is feeling overwhelmed by the prospect of imminent fatherhood.

The fact that he's framing it as 'socialising' rather than regular binge drinking is quite concerning.

Socialising is healthy and good for you.

Stumbling home and vomiting all over the bathroom is not.

Disgusting behaviour.

Have you considered that he might have a drink problem?

My partner was our socialising when I was heavily pregnant but towards the end didn't drink more than 1 pint so that he could drive if I needed him.
I would be quite concerned if your partner is drinking that much, that often. It's not good for his physical health at all.

When the DH of one of the women in our family went on a golfing w/e when she was 37 weeks he was thoroughly condemned by all the family. Even the golfers.

He's a pretty useless husband and father now. Both work full time in pretty high powered jobs. She is very organized. Been together since school. She deserves better as do you.

He has a drink problem. So that’s the real issue. Not you.

What’s his booze history? Generally?

I think you might need to do some reality facing, sorry. ‘Being sociable’ is a long time cover for ‘being a drinker’. It’s a classic.

Agree with other PP this man has an alcohol problem

His binge drinking is the issue not his 'socialising'

Thanks everyone for your words and support, got me through an emotional night and morning!
He did come to the scan, everything is well and baby is good to go when they decide to make their appearance 😬
We had a big discussion afterwards and he realises he has a problem with drinking, there is a bit going on in the background - work and family stuff. Made it clear it’s not a good enough excuse and he needs to get his head sorted in a more healthy way, not relying on alcohol. It’s not fixed the problem and I still have reservations about his ability to make good choices. I have backups in place just in case, sadly mum isn’t here anymore but I have family and friends who are very supportive.
It has all come at a bad time, but that’s life and he needs to grow up and make responsible choices.

@FirsttimemummyLDN so did he start the practical work of contrition by cleaning up his own sick? Walking the walk, and all that jazz.

All the best for the birth and I really hope things are as you need it to be.

If he's thinking he needs to address his relationship with alcohol, but not quite feeling like it's a dependency, then there's a lot more info out there than used to be. One Year No Beer/Club Soda. There's a whole movement about being sober/Sober curious and it might be the step he needs? AdrianChiles has written a lot about it too. Good luck!

No you're not any way away from being imminent.

37 weeks is full term.

What will he be like once baby is here. That's all I can think about.

I wouldn't tolerate that. My OH was fantastic and never left me alone my entire pregnancy if he HAD to he made sure someone was with me or near by just incase. Things can change so quickly.