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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Husband socialising 37 weeks pregnant

72 replies

FirsttimemummyLDN · 21/07/2023 22:49

I’m trying to figure out if I’m being an emotional mess or my husband is useless and I’ve made mistake here.
I’m currently 37 weeks pregnant, my husband is very sociable, so was I but I’m tired and want to be near home.
He keeps going out after work, or meeting friends and I keep asking him to not drink too much or stay out late. Problem is, he does both EVERY time, for example tonight, said he was just going for 1 or 2, it’s now nearly 11 and he still isn’t home, when I message he says he’s heading home but clearly isn’t. I text asking him to be sensible and I just feel like I’m nagging him, I’m sick of this.
Am I being an emotional mess and unreasonable?
We also have a scan at 9am tomorrow and know he will be hungover!

OP posts:

Hibiscrubbed · 22/07/2023 06:21

Bluesheeps · 21/07/2023 23:34

Leave him on the sofa. Go to bed. Get up in the morning and perhaps leave him a note saying you’re not prepared to accept this behaviour.
go out tomorrow and pamper yourself.

I think this is a good idea. He needs to know the severity of the position he’s put you in. Hangover, plus remorse, plus letting you down might help drive it home.

Wallywobbles · 22/07/2023 06:22

My guess is every time you are desperate for help with the baby and he knows it you won't get hold of him for dust. Speaking from experience.

Emmylou22 · 22/07/2023 06:34

Drinking to excess so he's effectively useless in your potential hour of need is knobbish behaviour. I had my daughter at 34 weeks. At 37 weeks he needs to be on call, not incapacitated by booze.

Animallover87 · 22/07/2023 06:59

This is awful OP, I'm so sorry. My DH decided himself when I was about 35 weeks to stop drinking just in case. We still go out and meet friends (separately) a few times a week but I know he's always there and ready to drive me to hospital if I did go into labour early.

I'd just get up and go to the scan myself today, if he misses it it's his own fault.

ChrisTrepidation · 22/07/2023 07:46

Do not wake him up for the scan
Never mind it's his baby as well. If he gave a shit he wouldn't come home vomiting drunk the night before.

Then take yourself out for the day afterwards and have a serious think about your relationship going forwards. He's showing you who he is. That he is a man who cannot be relied upon to act like an adult when you need him the most.

I cannot abide men who go on like this. Its just pathetic. How can they have so little shame?

Ilikejamtarts · 22/07/2023 07:53

Codlingmoths · 22/07/2023 06:07

I wouldn’t let him come to the scan. He’s not going to be supportive is he? Just bus or taxi or drive yourself if you’re up to that, but this would be step 1 in you change or our child’s life will proceed without you in it.

I agree with codlingmoths. I don't think i would either. If he ends up hungover in bed asleep still I wouldn't bother waking him up and would just leave and go on my own.

I get him trying to make the most of his time before the baby gets here but he can still go out and enjoy the freedom but stay sober. If he is drinking that much and you went into labour then what? He would have to call for a taxi to get him from wherever he is, wait for it, then make the journey home, come in and get you into the taxi and get your stuff together then get you to the hospital and walk in there shitfaced probably being of no use to you at all. And can you imagine if he ends up throwing up in the hospital because of the drink?! I'd be fuming if I were you, he is taking the piss!!

Sometimeswinning · 22/07/2023 07:57

WandaWonder · 21/07/2023 23:49

I was out myself at that stage yes I know not all women are able to, but what was the point of us sitting at home twiddling our thumbs just waiting?

You do realise that this thread isn't about you right?

The op has her own feelings and ideas how she wants to spend her days and the least her pitiful dh could do is not get stupidly drunk the day before she actually needs him!

Azaeleasinbloom · 22/07/2023 07:58

Sorry he is being suck a dick OP. Hope your scan goes well today.

TolkiensFallow · 22/07/2023 07:58

I initially came on to say “oh you have to make the most of those last few weeks, they’re the last you’ll get in a long time” but actually his behaviour is awful. He’s not just having a pint after work, he’s being sick which is vile and not prioritising your scan.

I would not want him at the scan hungover like that and I’d probably tell him that but allow him to come if he really wants to.

The reality is at 37 weeks the baby can come any time and if he’s going to get shitfaced up until your due date, you probably need a different birthing partner. Not on a punitive level but the reality is that if you went into labour last night he couldn’t have done the job.

bamboonights · 22/07/2023 08:01

FirsttimemummyLDN · 21/07/2023 23:31

So he’s just walked through the door, steaming and been sick in the bathroom, including on the floor. He keeps saying sorry and just to leave him to it. I’ve got him on the sofa with a bucket and some water.
I just don’t know if I see this behaviour changing and it worries me

My first husband used to do this. We ended up divorced. Without adding anything else into the equation, it signifies a lack of respect that is integral to a happy relationship.

Theunamedcat · 22/07/2023 08:04

I would be worried this was going to continue after the baby I've been there its no fun being the only adult in the relationship

FYI I had my baby at 37 weeks so you might not have the time for big discussions

Poppyseeks · 22/07/2023 08:05

Can you move your mum in until you give birth as he can't be trusted to be sober to drive you to the hospital? That should sober him up.

Doggymummar · 22/07/2023 08:05

So awful, make some plans, this won't get better without a heavy hand. Speaking from experience and a divorce

Tinkietot · 22/07/2023 08:06

Another vote for not waking him and going by yourself.

my DH stopped drinking from 3536wks just incase and if he did want to pop out he would check in with me first (how was I feeling and signs etc)

Im sorry he is being a chocolate tea pot! You definitely need to have a chat and serious chat. Fingers crossed he’s just being selfish and trying to party hard before the big life change of having a little baby.

BeeDavis · 22/07/2023 08:07

This is a great indication of how he’s going to act even when you’ve had the baby. It’s going to be you left looking after them, guaranteed.

WatchOutMissMarpleIsAbout · 22/07/2023 08:07

Echoing others. He needs to shape up. How old is he? ATM he doesn’t sound mature enough to be a around a baby.

BrutusMcDogface · 22/07/2023 08:12

I hope your scan goes well, op.

I also hope you go alone and leave him to stew in his own juices (literally). What a twat.

What was his behaviour like before you got pregnant? Like others, I can understand if he’s freaking out about impending parenthood and if this is out of character, strong words should hopefully help. If this is his normal behaviour, though, get rid of him.

mycoffeecup · 22/07/2023 08:21

Go to the scan on your own - he won't be any support hungover. Like many women I went to all mine alone because my husband was at work, it's no big deal.

mycoffeecup · 22/07/2023 08:21

And I assume you work, have your own money etc? Get your ducks in a row.

EthicalNonMahogany · 22/07/2023 08:26

In your heart of hearts OP do you think he has an alcohol problem?

JenniferBarkley · 22/07/2023 08:36

Time for a serious chat, it's not just about being able to drive you to the hospital and support you through labour, it's being a parent too. This isn't a man who will be rushing home for work to relieve you after a long day with a cranky baby. He needs to step up.

Mama678 · 22/07/2023 08:46

my DH was exactly like this. Friends used to say to us, arent you meant to be staying sober just in case mama goes into labour anytime? I used to joke id drive myself to the hospital. Once the babys here, there will be excuses to go out with mates to wet the baby’s head etc.

whats his drinking like usually? Does he drink a lot/at home other than nights out?

alittleadvicepls · 22/07/2023 08:49

Did he make it to the scan OP?

Bigpaintinglittlepainting · 22/07/2023 08:58

I like to socialise and my dh doesn't, doesn't mean that I take the piss, if I go out straight after work I can be in for tea or latest 9pm it's just considerate.

I hope he's a bit sad for making you cross and can sober up quickly this morning

headcheffer · 22/07/2023 09:00

I think when you're this pregnant, if it's upsetting you then he shouldn't do it. I personally wouldn't have been bothered by it, but I don't think he should be doing something that makes you distressed when you're very pregnant.

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