i've really really messed up

[unfaithfull]

anyone free to talk

i think i'll only confess the affair if an STD forces my hand - i think that the confession wouldn't be for my dp's benefit but for my own IFSWIM

If my partner had been unfaithful I would want to know. But these things are deeply personal and i think that if you are determined to end the affair and put it behind you then that is great and perhaps better not to tell.

BLUEJELLY - I know what you mean but if my dp had been unfaithful, i'd get really obsessive about knowing all the details and just eat myself up with the stress of it - perhaps what he doesn't know won't hurt him

i'm going back to the clinic on wednesday - so i will find out what's what then.

i feel sick to the stomach
me and dp have been together nearly a decade
have kids - i selfemployed from home - if we split up - i shudder to think what will happen

the worse thing is that i know i have brought it all on myself

Don't give yourself too hard a time, unfaithful- you ended it, you feel bad about it, personally I think you should let it go, unless it underlines current problems in the relationship. My dh is in the navy, and away a lot. I trust him- about 98%. I understand he might one day be drunk and stupid. I'd rather not know, cos if I knew I'd hav eto deal with it, and that would mean either leaving, when we really do love each other, or a whole new realm of hurt and trying to rebuild. if you are sure it was a mad moment, might be better to put it behind you, if you can. Don't get me wrong, if it was me, it would eat me up, but that's part of the penance, isn't it?

yes redjools it's my fault and i can handle the guilt - i know exactly what you mean i wouldn't want to know - that said i'm sure i could forgive a mad moment - hopefully i will get the answers i need on wednesday

dp knows i had a smear test - maybe i can tell him i was offered other test as standard - i did come back with treatment for thrush which he also knows about - i think thing's will work out ok - i may have to do some elaborate lying - which i'd rather not but i'm really just desparate to keep home and family together

sorry to go against the current tide but i think this is what they call Karma.

yes you ended it but you shuldnt have started it in the first place.
I hope you getthe all clear for you DP and DC's sakes.
I also hope you have learned your lesson and keep your legs shut from now on

oh thanks MAMAZON - that's really helpful and i feel much better about everything now - yes note to self - must keep legs shut and knickers on

well done. glad your learning.

Sorry but if you have an affair would you at least not use a condom?

I guess you realuse that now but suspect that you really do need to fess up to your dh. I hope he understands for your sake.

obviously in the cold light of day - when everything is clear and no longer befuddled by alcohol - i feel sick that i didn't use a condom.
I know what i did was wrong very wrong - but it is done , i have given myself enough of a hard time about it - i don't need to be told off - what i need is some support. I have told no-one in RL as i am too ashamed and worried it'll get back to dp - mumsnet really is my only escape and confessional.

poor poor you!!!!

i really do feel so very sorry for you, all you have done is behave in a human, fallable way !!!

before anyone else tells you off perhaps they could think 'there but for the grace of god'etc.

in rl shit happens

i so hope things work out for you!

sorry but when people go on about keeping it a secret for their partners sake and not wanting to hurt them it is absolutely bullshit. trying to make yourself look like the marter for burdening this terrible secret for the good of your family is self serving crap.
the only reason you will not tell is because you are afraid of the personal consequences to you and what you might lose, and if you do lose anything you will only have yourself to blame.
i mean do you really think you are doing him a favour?would you accept that logic from him?
at least give him the respect he deserves and treating him like an adult. you are the one who is in the wrong and to presume you know what is best for him is just further transgressions.
he has the right to decide what to do with this information.forcing him to stay with someone who has cheated on him by concealing the truth only reflects poorly on you further as you are obviously very selfish.

Do you know if my partner had a one night stand as a result of alcohol and was really truly sorry and genuinely never intended to do it again etc etc
I would rather not know.
Actually I think its selfish to tell your partner under those circumstances

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Bizarrely I feel sorry for you. I say bizarrely because dh cheated on me (but claims he used protection) and I am on tenterhooks til he is retested in 3 months. I have to say this, but did you consider getting more tests - eg HIV? Even condoms are not 100% effective against STDs

thankyou to those who have supported me on this thread - i have felt under so much pressure it has really helped just to write this down - to those who have been less supportive i understand how you feel but maybe one day you will act less than perfect and pure and need someone to confide in - i hope you get the help you will need.

i went back to the GU clinic today - i'm going to get re-tested next week to be sure as result was actually equivocal - the other person is going to get tested too, if he is clear it will definately be down to my previous infection, the doctor said it is rare but sometimes the anti-bio's don't completely clear it - to be honest i'm confused.
the doctor also said that it would be plausible for me to tell my dp that this is down to my previous infection and was picked up when i had my smear test - i could take home anti-bio's for us both and he wouldn't need to be seen[unless of course he wanted to be tested]
i'm feeling much more positive about everything now but i'm hardly sleeping and feel very nervous. Yes i know it is trouble of my own making but i can't turn back the clock - i only wish i could.

IMO, I would fib and say it was from the time before, just flared up again. Sometimes ignorance is bliss.

I hope you are ok. I'm only guessing how you are feeling, and I hope I'm never in that situation, but for God's sake ladies, we are all human!! Personally, I think you shouldn't tell. You have a lucky escape (just think if it was a pregnancy, not so easy!) and I doubt you will be rushing off to do it again! Lesson learned, forgive yourself, move on.

Well shit happens and people do things they regret. FWIW having read your posts if you stopped at foreplay (ie your fling partner didn't actually get as far as penetration) then your chlamidia is probably a recurrence of the previous infection.
But if you are not a very monogamous person you maybe need to have a think about this, and probably a talk with your current or primary partner (once you have thought it all through) about what sort of relationships you want and need, and what he feels about the whole thing: many people are less fussed about actual monogamy than have just absorbed the myths about it (ie one drunken fumble merits ending a primary relationship, destruction of property and violence...).

yep - pretty certain that's what i will do , i know others say that is being selfish but if i do tell the truth , it will affect two whole families
in an ideal world i would be honest
my dp would forgive me and apprieciate
my honesty

i have learned my lesson, and i'll never take such a stupid f@*king risk again and it might be of interest to people that you can have chlamydia in your mouth and even in your eyes so even kissing could land you in deep trouble -
so as MAMAZON said "keep your legs shut from now on"
quite right so keep your mouth shut too and never let someone your unsure of cum in your face

madamez - unfortuately it did go further but not to it's natural conclussion.
i remember what you said about monogamy before, that is not a path i want to travel and my dp wouldn't want it either, i don't think i could be happy in an open relationship - ironically i believe i'd get very jealous, in the past i have suffered with the green eyed monster BIG TIME.

i love my dp very very much
we have lovely children
a perfect house and a happy easy life
we never argue ever
he's a brilliant father