Have you experienced a lot of people dying out of the blue?

[Selmaandpatty]

I was supporting a neighbour in his early 70s, helped him with his Alexa, occasionally grabbed a bit of shopping, that sort of stuff, as he'd recently had an operation.
Otherwise, he was fine, no serious illness, very independent and so on. He didn't drink or smoke.
His wife passed away last year unfortunately and I know he's been quite lonely. He'd often want you to stay and chat for longer, he was a really nice man.
I popped round at the weekend as the Alexa wasn't working.
I was told this morning he's died. I'm still waiting to find out how, but I'm so sad.
I don't see early 70s as elderly, it's not like he was 90+.
He wasn't frail at all, but there must be been something underlying we were not aware of.
I just keep thinking about him, I only saw him a few days ago and he was absolutely fine. It's just a massive shock, he asked me to stay for a cup of tea but I had things to do. I didn't know that'd be the last time I saw him.
Have you had many unexpected incidents like this?
It just scares me as anyone can leave us as any time, life is precious.

Gosh I'm so sorry. Is it common for there to be no cause found when elderly people die? I thought they'd always be able to figure put what happened.

This is comparative. It’s quite common for men in my Mum’s family to drop dead suddenly at 40. But it’s in India and it isn’t seen as a particularly young age to die there so is never taken seriously.

Everybody dies.

People treating it as an insult for others to suggest they won't live 'forever' (or might not live to a ripe old age) is odd.

It's not an insult, or a criticism. It's a fact.

Not everyone will make it to old age for a variety of reasons. I know several people who have died in their 50s. My grandads both died in their 40s. A second cousin died in her 20s. People die 🤷🏻‍♀️

I‘m so sorry 😞

This has happened to me before, for a while it was one after another. Awful.

Friends mum died in a car accident. Another friends dad died in a farm accident. A local father committed suicide. Colleague died from cancer very quickly. Local customer also died of cancer.

All within a month. We live in a small community so it was horrific.

This might be useful

www.ons.gov.uk/peoplepopulationandcommunity/birthsdeathsandmarriages/lifeexpectancies/articles/mortalityinenglandandwales/pastandprojectedtrendsinaveragelifespan

Can I ask if you usually so cold?

My daughter is 19, left school last year. In the last 2 years, 3 of the kids who were in her class have unexpectedly passed away. 1 was an assault, 2 were killed in a car accident (seperate accidents). 1 friend overdosed on drugs and whilst alive, will live with the effects of that for the rest of her life. It's actually really scary. I go over and over the not speeding, driving defensively etc with both my kids,especially my 22 y son. You never know when you might be seeing someone for the last time.

I don’t think this is cold. It’s not saying death of a loved one is not devastating, just that it’s a lot more common than we like to think

'People die' 🤷‍♀️

I disagree.

But that’s in the context of people saying it’s an insult to say someone won’t make it to old age. And they might not. As people die. A fair few of my social group in their 40s and early 50s have died recently. And they were not the ones you’d have predicted to die early at all. They died because people die 🤷‍♀️
That’s not a shrug at them dying - their deaths have been very upsetting - it’s a shrug at the expectation that people don’t die till old age, or that only really unhealthy people die young(er) They don’t, because people die.

In 30 years of working in general practice I had plenty of death notifications that made me go, "No way! How did that happen?" Each one was memorable. But they were greatly outnumbered by the deaths that weren't surprising.

In my personal life I haven't noticed an unusual or increasing number of unexpected deaths over the years and each one still has an impact. After the most recent, a fit athlete friend in her early sixties, DH and I commented that this is something we'll see more among friends and family of our own age as we get older ourselves.

Wow, death over 50 is standard! You must let my medical team know. I have cancer at 55 and they are throwing the kitchen sink at it, because I am ‘young’ and they want to give me another 30 years of life

I was diagnosed with a blood cancer in mid 60s, and like you they're throwing everything at it and telling me I should expect a normal lifespan (mid to late 80s for a woman). Barring accidents I have no intention of shuffling off in my early 70s, thanks (70 next year).

*People treating it as an insult for others to suggest they won't live 'forever' (or might not live to a ripe old age) is odd.

It's not an insult, or a criticism. It's a fact*

Yes I know, thanks (DF dropped dead when he was 40. Two classmates didn;t make their teens). What some people take issue with is the implication that at 70ish you're some decrepit old bat who ought to be glad death is imminent. I'm 69. I KNOW I have far fewer years behind me than I have in front, thanks.

What some people take issue with is the implication that at 70ish you're some decrepit old bat who ought to be glad death is imminent

I think how you view aging is going to depend largely on what you've seen in your own family. If your grandparents sailed thru their 80's with no major health issues, cognitively intact and living independently you probably think a ripe old age is something to strive for.

Conversely, if you have watched the slow, soul-destroying decline of a parent with dementia then a quick death in your 70's will seem infinitely preferable.

It's ironic that our society views aging - particularly the outward signs of it - as something to be fought against at all costs. "Anti-aging", from cosmetics to diet plans, is a huge and profitable business.

And yet we fear dying so fiercely that there are many who expect to make it to 90 without entertaining the thought that a decade of that might be spent in a care home with little quality of life.

The general view seems to be that it's fine to be 80-something as long as you look like Jane Fonda while you're doing it. But don't you dare distress people with your arthritic knees, incontinence and inconsistent cognitive state, because that's an uncomfortable reminder of our own mortality.

There is a inquest, but it's looking like I might never know. Its really hard to digest. I guess I might never know

Not only is the death of a loved one 'common', its inevitable.

Absolutely no one has never died. Those of us who are still living just haven't died yet. We are all going to die. People are effectively reacting indignantly to the fact they are not immortal.

It’s a bit of a joke between me and dh and my family that once you hit 50-60 it’s any day now. 60 plus is really any day now!

Only because we had so much family die in 50’s and the never ending takes from our parents that oh so and so died. You remember Tim across the road. Dead. Barbra dead.

It’s not being cold or ageist. We all die one day and frankly I’d rather drop dead “healthy” age only 55 than 92 being spoon fed having my bum wiped just existing in some nursing home.

Pretty factual that once you’re over 50 you’re closer to death unless you think you are going to live to over 100 you’ve lived over half your life.

I don’t see why old age as such is this big target people want to hit. You mean my poor body wearing out from usage, aches and pains, deterioration of hearing and sight often, memory loss and struggling to be the person you once knew yourself as just so you can live to 82 watching tv. No thank you.

You disagree that people die..?

You disagree that people die..?

Quite.

Well, thanks for that patronising pat on the head putting the old girl right about ageing.

Well, thanks for that patronising pat on the head putting the old girl right about ageing

@MrsDanversGlidesAgain You're taking offense where none was intended. At 62 I'm an "old girl" myself. While I hope I have some good years in front of me, I don't view a sudden, painless death somewhere in your 70's as a great tragedy. Sad for those you leave behind of course, but not something I personally fear.

You feel differently and I respect that. I'm not wishing an "early" death on anyone, but living into advanced old age isn't something I aspire to.

I agree it depends on whether you've seen any relatives die suddenly in good health, living independently into their 80s and 90s as I have.

My ddad passed extremely suddenly. I had only spoken to him that morning and was meant to see him in the afternoon. He was 73.
It was the most enormous shock, but all my memories are of him happy and healthy so I'd take that over a slow decline any day.

My uncle dropped dead in his 60s going out for a newspaper, his brother, my dad lived until 88, you can go anytime.