Have you experienced a lot of people dying out of the blue?

[Selmaandpatty]

I was supporting a neighbour in his early 70s, helped him with his Alexa, occasionally grabbed a bit of shopping, that sort of stuff, as he'd recently had an operation.
Otherwise, he was fine, no serious illness, very independent and so on. He didn't drink or smoke.
His wife passed away last year unfortunately and I know he's been quite lonely. He'd often want you to stay and chat for longer, he was a really nice man.
I popped round at the weekend as the Alexa wasn't working.
I was told this morning he's died. I'm still waiting to find out how, but I'm so sad.
I don't see early 70s as elderly, it's not like he was 90+.
He wasn't frail at all, but there must be been something underlying we were not aware of.
I just keep thinking about him, I only saw him a few days ago and he was absolutely fine. It's just a massive shock, he asked me to stay for a cup of tea but I had things to do. I didn't know that'd be the last time I saw him.
Have you had many unexpected incidents like this?
It just scares me as anyone can leave us as any time, life is precious.

I'm sorry you are upset, but I think any age after 50 is pretty standard for a death. I'm in my late 50s, so I'm not being ageist. I think dying in your 70s when you're actually still pretty active is a perfect way to go, so this man was very, very fortunate.

I know it's very preferable to having cancer or dementia.
I just think early 70s is really not that old, considering people can live another 20+ years after that. I feel like he could have lived a lot longer as he would've been more active after recovering from the op.

His wife also died at a similar age. It's frightening really, I really should not assume I'll make it to 80+.

Yes. My brother died suddenly at home at 46. My uncle died of an aneurysm at 70. My stepmother fell, was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer everyplace in her body, and died in the hospital without having a single treatment. She simply fell and never went home again.
thinking death is far is something we do to protect ourselves. Life is very precious.

Well, look at his other possibilities, dying for ages in a care home, or dying at a very young age, what about all the young people who die of dreadful diseases. He went quickly presumably , which is actually a great way to go. He had a wife so he experienced true love in his life you would hope. They probably had all sorts of adventures together. He probably had lots of lifelong friends who he had great days and nights with. He’s back with his wife now. It’s sad, and so hard to come to terms with, but I think he has had it better than a lot of people who spend months, even years, in and out of hospital and suffer. May he rest in peace.

I'm very sorry to hear that :(
My Grandma also died of an aneurysm, she was 83.
Life is precious indeed.

Thank you. Yes, there are so many people suffering for months/years on end in care homes, hospitals and absolutely it's a very miserable way to end your life.
It's just the shock really. I suppose it's part of life though isn't it :(

OP, I'm a funeral arranger and one thing it has taught me is none of us is guaranteed an old age. I thought all the deceased would be elderly people - 80s/90s etc but you'd be surprised at the range of ages. It's not unusual to have people in there 40s, 50s or 60s in the mortuary.

Enjoy every minute, because you don't know what is around the next corner.

Four people in my life were absolutely fine in the morning and dead by the next day (separate incidents) but one couple who died in a car accident. I'm afraid it's all left me with a mix of not taking anything for granted and gratitude but also anxiety and sadness about the reality that I have no control over my future or my children's.

*their (sorry for the grammar slip up)

It's scary isn't it :( I'm fortunate I have both parents still here, in their late 50s, and in-laws in their early/mid 60s. However now they're over 50 I do worry what if.
The lack of control is indeed anxiety-inducing. None of us know when we will go or how. It does make me want to enjoy life more.

I've had several relatives die without warning, but they were of an age to die (80 or above). After the shock you feel thankfulness that they dodged infirmity and slow decline. It is exactly how I want to go.

I have tbh I'd rather go quickly in my 70's with perhaps a bit of stiffness in the joints than live 80's , 90's dribbling in a care home .

All 3 of my deceased grandparents just dropped dead suddenly and in a way I'm glad it wasn't a drawn-out death, even though one was only in his early 50s and died the year before I was born. The remaining one has dementia but physically is in good health, but you already feel like you've lost them really :(

Yeah indeed, work in social care and I know there is no quality of life in many cases. Hoisted in and out of bed, spoon fed, cannot communicate, doubly incontinent. Just existing.

Yes. 4 people aged 16-30 who died of sudden death syndrome. Two in the same family.

Unfortunately I've known 6 people to suddenly die. Two of which are relations of mine.
"Sudden arrhythmic death syndrome" is something I never want to hear again to be perfectly honest, but as the same time, none of them suffered. And I am grateful for that.

I've had to have a lot of counseling due to them, not only the the grief perspective, but also I developed a fear of answering my phone. Not wanting to hear that someone else I care about has died unexpectedly.
I'm mid 30's and the thought of those phonecalls already having happened half a dozen times makes me think "how many more times do I need to go through this?". It terrifies me to be honest.

I think my mum would disagree she’s only just retired and waiting to actually enjoy her life for once. Just like a lot of people. Lots of people working to 70 or near enough, not fair to only have a few years of enjoying it. Definitely not the ‘perfect’ way to go.

Any age after 50 standard for a death?

That's such a strange outlook. And you are being ageist, even though you're over 50 yourself.

Are you saying that over 50 year old should expect to die any minute, and their loved ones must just accept that if they do?

I should probably have added, the 6 people I knew who died suddenly ranged in ages from 18-57 years old.

Yes I know 4 people who’ve diet suddenly of heart related issues. 2 of them were in their 30’s and the others were 27 and 44. But let’s ignore the elephant in the room as we don’t want to go there on MN.

I'm 62 and have never been one of those people who aspires to live to a very old age. I know someone will post that their 94 year old grandad runs marathons and is completely "with it" with tons of friends, etc. But in my experience very few live into their 80's in good health, clear mind, independent and with their dignity intact.

So while I know it's a shock OP, take comfort that your friend was spared the indignities of very old age. No long, sad decline just (hopefully) a peaceful passing after a full life.

My mum had other stuff going on but died within 36 hours of hospital admission (and failed diagnosis) of sepsis at 72. A friend died of brain aneurism at 47.

I have an aunt who has been in a nursing home for a decade and despite being physically alive, has no life. I know which way I'd rather go.

I've lost 3 friends and one relative suddenly and unexpectedly this year alone. Aged from 40s to 70s.

I'm early 40s and I've been to more funerals of people around the same age as me (from when I was 17 onwards) than I have anyone much older, and I haven't even been able to go to every funeral of people that have died over the years. In fact I've only ever been to 3 funerals of people over 70 (2 still in their 70s, one was mid 90s).

I think it's one of those things that when you're a child, 70-something seems ancient, but as you grow up and have relatives that age it suddenly doesn't seem as old any more.

Thanks for sharing your stories, I'm sorry for your losses.