He keeps running out of his anti depressant

[Overitx]

And it’s having a serious impact on his mental health and also mine. He is downright miserable without them. He ran out last Wednesday (the chemist gave him an emergency prescription as he had previously ran out).

he won’t phone the doctors to review and so he keeps putting it off and putting it off. Then runs out. Right now he’s awful to be around.

im so sad as we go on holiday in 1 week. It’s once in a lifetime has been saved for years. And I worry he’s just going to ruin it.

he is genuinely horrible without these tablets. When he’s on them we are good. He isn’t unreasonable. He’s calm. He’s happy.

im so sad as even if he does get a new prescription, he will be restarting them just as we leave for holiday and then he will have all the nasty side effects.

he’s been on the for 1.5 years but this starting and stopping is constant.

Or it’s the depression that makes the antidepressants hard to order/take/review etc.

I’ve been him. I hate relying on medication to keep me well, I know that they work but I don’t think that I deserve to feel well. Calling up for a tablet that makes life livable feels pathetic.
And that in itself may seem pathetic but it’s true.

More fool you, OP. Why on earth are you enabling this behaviour?

I completely get this to, he may well be an arsehole but I recognise this issue as a symptom for myself too.

Or it’s the depression that makes the antidepressants hard to order/take/review etc.
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I’ve been him. I hate relying on medication to keep me well, I know that they work but I don’t think that I deserve to feel well. Calling up for a tablet that makes life livable feels pathetic.
And that in itself may seem pathetic but it’s true.

im damned if I do, damned if I don’t.

i can’t go on holiday without him. As if he’s going to happily sit at home whilst I head to the airport with the kids. He has paid for it too.

Does he not have a repeat prescription? All he needs to do is drop off the prescription at the GP surgery and collect his meds from the chemist 48 hours after. He could put a reminder in his phone to remind him
when to drop off his repeat prescription. Job done.

But that's part of depression. And surely part of a relationship is to do it, not refuse?
I manage my 26yo disabled daughter's medication as if I didn't, she would not be able to.

@stayflufft op has said multiple times that he needs a review before being able to order a repeat prescription.

OP, his mental health is not your responsibility.

You’ve done everything you can including calling GP for him.If he won’t engage neither with you nor GP I’d be preparing to leave.

You’re not his mother but you are a mother yourself. Your kids need you to function, not be burned out by somebody who refuses to take charge of their own health.

See how things pan out after the appointment. Go on holiday, if he’s not happy go out for the day with kids and leave him to his own devices.

If he’s still not taking his meds (as a result of his own actions or lack of them) prepare to leave. He can be miserable on his own While you regain your own life.

I would also think he acts very differently when he is talking to his work colleagues.

Because she is in a partnership that she feels is worth fighting for. Because her partner is depressed and she is hoping that once he's been taking the right medication dose for a period of time things will improve.

Nice.
I didn't have anyone looking out for me to this level when I was in a funk and not making good choices with my medication.
Fortunately for me, I had a wonderful GP at the time who (unlike the OP's DH) I felt I trusted, who was very patient and went beyond his normal responsibilities.

Sometimes people who are depressed look like they're being reckless and selfish. Some probably are, but others are simply all over the place and would benefit from some support.

OP's DH has only been on meds for 1.5 years, it's a bit soon to throw the towel in on their whole relationship if she feels it is worth fighting for.

This relationship remains an awful
model to be showing their children.

He is deliberately running out of pills and expects his wife to pick up the slack from all this. How much of this too is due to depression against he actually being an abuser?.

1.5 years you say.

A little story.

I managed 5 years facilitating my family member’s life. 5 years taken out of my life bearing all the emotional, psychological and financial load while they refused to look for help for their mh.

I walked away when I couldn’t take it anymore, my mh started crumbling. I was absolutely slaughtered by my family of origin for refusing to take responsibility any longer as that meant they „had to” step in thus inconveniencing them. They enabled this person for further 17 years.

Eventually all the sponsors have dried up and at the grand age of 48 this person finally took charge of their mh and is now in employment (nobody left to fund their life)

By refusing to engage any further I was eventually able to live my life.

I have very little sympathy for people not looking after their own health mentally or physically.

As for anybody- you can take the horse to water but you can’t make it drink.

OP has called GP for her DP. If he’s choosing to not to engage she shouldn’t bear the brunt of his moods. Just like somebody mentioned earlier- is him behaving like this towards his work colleagues, other family members,boss?

Sorry you're going through this OP.
He sounds hard work.
I have a family member who does exactly this. Very chaotic in Day to day life too, house is a mess (starts one job, doesn't finish, starts another etc) and absolutely HATES being asked if they're taking their meds/run out/needs to order despite admitting they feel 100% better on them.
So total sympathy.
My own experience is if I miss one pill (antidepressants) I feel crap on the 3 day after despite it only being one I missed. Other friends say the same.
To restart after a few weeks with none it will take a few weeks to get back into the system (family member experience).
Only your husband is responsible for his health.
Pass it back to him. Don't discuss it, or his sulking, bad moods etc.
Or leave if that's your choice.
As for the holiday, if you really cannot go without him spend as little time in his company as possible. Tell him its because he's a miserable git.
Hope you find a solution that works for you 🌺

If you stop antidepressants abruptly you will certainly suffer withdrawal symptoms.
I understand this will be an unpopular response…. but I would probably ring the Dr myself & discuss.
We did have to go through this route a couple of years ago with a close family member. Our GP was sympathetic.

I do this I'm
Terrible for it and I can imagine my husband's frustration!! However the fact that I can order them online makes it easier is there any way he can do that?

Oh just seen your post about him needing a review yes that's annoying. I feel for you! He needs to sort it out!

Withdrawal from anti depressants is really horrid and makes you grumpy so to go through that (unnecessarily) each time must be awful.

Yes a similar thing happened here OP. Last summer DH let his appointments/ prescriptions slide and he came off his anti depressant meds after a number of years.

I cannot explain how awful it was. His temper and moods were so frightening. I was scared going to sleep at night. He also got in trouble at work and then lost his job.

he got back on the pills by late autumn after lots of therapy and finally listening to a counsellor who told him he needed to go back on to them. I asked why he ever stopped and he said he couldn’t be bothered to keep taking them?!

anyway he’s had 6 months back on now and new job and back to himself. Took around 6 weeks for the pills to actually work

Thank you. He has a prescription to collect tomorrow. He asked for the dose to be increased but doctor said no. He is only just started these new tablets after stoping cold Turkey a few months ago. Here’s hoping his mood improves. It like walking on egg shells and so depressing to live with. As soon as I see him my heart drops to my stomach and my mood plummets as he’s so miserable.

I know that feeling of dread :(

hope things improve in the coming weeks OP 💐

Quite. Telling him he's 'not going' to show him there are 'consequences' might be appropriate for a child, but some people don't seem to understand that we can't all control grown men with a strident command. Otherwise I'm sure you'd have 'made' him take his meds.
You sorted the meds to save the holiday. I'd have done the same. When he's levelled out again you need to talk. Seems like for whatever reason he has a real block when it comes to this. Depending on the quality of the relationship in general you'll need to decide whether to take this on for him, or whether it's the hill you're going to die on.

Hes been messing around for 1.5 years, taking meds, not taking meds, refusing to engage. She's been helping him in all that time as has his GP. There comes a point where he needs to lead to own recovery. Nobody can do it for him. And yes, I do know what I'm talking about.

As for throwing in the towel comment. OP has spoken about other things in the marriage which are not acceptable. This is just one more thing.

He's a pathetic selfish bastard. Raise your standards

So he's a global director..... I work for some of them and some of those are nothing more than a bunch of egotists who I have to bite my tongue with.

When you return from hols I think you need to examine your relationship, as unlike me you're not paid to put up with that sort of nonsense.