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Original poster

Is he mean or what it my fault for laying my cards out?

32 replies

itsonlylovelivelove · 19/07/2023 12:50

So dating a new guy and to avoid awkwardness I told him that I preferred equality re finances but liked the idea also of treating each other now and again with little gestures and surprises.
All went well ,
Splitting costs of hotels , dinners etc .
I then bought a round of drinks for us and we went to bed afterwards. The next day we had lunch and he said he'd get it it . I said I would. He then said.. oh just Revolut me half.
I thought after buying the expensive Roy d of drinks the previous night.
Now I have the ick.
Is this a me problem ?

OP posts:
MojacarSunset · 19/07/2023 12:52

He offered to pay and you didn't let him. What did you want him to do????

TeddyBeans · 19/07/2023 12:52

Why did you say you'd get lunch? You paid for the drinks, he offered to get lunch... Just say thank you and move on? You overcomplicated it for yourself

SamW98 · 19/07/2023 12:57

He offered to pay for lunch, you said no and then don’t like that he asked you for the money?

Sorry but why offer to pay if you didn’t mean it?

I

GoodChat · 19/07/2023 13:03

You said you'd pay and you told him you wanted equality and refused to let him pay - after he offered first. He's trying to respect your wishes and you're just playing games.

nasanas · 19/07/2023 13:08

Poor guy won't know wtf is going on.

YoSof · 19/07/2023 13:09

Yeah this is on you.

He offered to pay for lunch, you said no.

KarrieKoKo · 19/07/2023 13:39

I agree with everyone else. Your round of drinks may have been seen as your nice gesture, so he wanted to pay you back with lunch. If a man offered to pay - let him!

GingerIsBest · 19/07/2023 13:43

Unless there's a typo, you are being completely irrational. You paid for drinks, he offered to pay for lunch. You said no. He said, "fine, pay me half" and now you're upset?

Waaaaaaay too much hard work.

Yankeescot · 19/07/2023 13:58

I'm with the others on this one, it's a you thing. He offered to pay for lunch after you bought drinks to which you said no. What was he supposed to do.
If I was him, I'd have the ick over someone who is so hyper-focused on who pays for what for every little thing down to the penny. Life is too short for that.

villamariavintrapp · 19/07/2023 14:01

What did you want him to do? Back down and let you pay for lunch? Or arm wrestle your card out of the way so that he could pay even though you said you didn't want that?

Justcallmebebes · 19/07/2023 14:04

Yep sorry, but you're the unreasonable one here. Poor guy won't know up from down and you've probably given him the ick

W0tnow · 19/07/2023 14:25

On paper YABU. But halfsies? I get you. I’d much prefer that no one keeps tabs and you generally take turns. Swings and roundabouts etc…

JudgeRudy · 19/07/2023 14:27

Do you even know what you want?
You're at fault. You communicated badly.
I'm all for going halves but I probably wouldn't want to get into literally splitting every bill 50/50....and definitely couldn't be bothered with transferring money.
But you started it.
Just leave it. I doubt he'll 'chase you up' for it.

Aprilx · 19/07/2023 14:28

Yes definitely a you problem! I bet he is baffled.

Qbish · 19/07/2023 14:30

Poor guy can't win, can he?!

Animalism · 19/07/2023 14:33

Yep you were confusing things. Why say you wanted to pay if you didn't and it wasn't your turn? He was trying to do his best in line with what you had said you wanted.

Iamclearlyamug · 19/07/2023 14:35

Animalism · 19/07/2023 14:33

Yep you were confusing things. Why say you wanted to pay if you didn't and it wasn't your turn? He was trying to do his best in line with what you had said you wanted.

Agreed.

This is on you OP

Poor bloke probably doesn't understand what you want, you say one thing then do another

Dery · 19/07/2023 14:35

Agree with PP: this is on you.

You clearly wanted him to decline your offer. You perhaps had in mind the kind of toing and froing which may happen between women to check that no-one feels they are being taken advantage of, such as “I’ll pay for this”, “are you sure?”, “yes, my treat” kind of thing.

Do NOT do this with men. Men are raised to express their needs and look after themselves. I think they are quite literally incapable of seeing some of the emotional nuances we see. He will have taken what you said at face value.

Dery · 19/07/2023 14:36

And this kind of “guess what I really mean” communication is hopeless in relationships. You need to be clear.

LumpyPumpkin · 19/07/2023 14:39

Jesus. When he said he'd get the lunch, why did you say that you would instead? Why?!?! Him offering to go 50/50 was him offering what he thought was a reasonable compromise.

I wouldn't worry about having the ick. He may well have it to now if you're acting off with him because of this.

Aquamarine1029 · 19/07/2023 14:42

You are HARD WORK.

I'd be running for the hills if I were him. The guy literally can't win with you.

itsmyp4rty · 19/07/2023 14:44

Yes it's a you problem.

SamW98 · 19/07/2023 14:44

And it’s absolutely nothing to do with ‘laying your cards out’ as you put it.

Nothing wrong with saying from beginning you like paying your way and fir most people this means swings and roundabouts - you I’ll buy lunch you buy the drinks tonight - that sort of thing.

You’re telling him one thing then when he goes along with it, you throw in a curveball then moan about him agreeing with what you’ve just said! Poor sod can’t win here

Weightlosstipsneeded · 19/07/2023 14:46

What the heck was the point in saying you'd pay if he offered and you'd already paid the night before AND had a conversation re sharing finances equally when out.
Pointless.

Greenfree · 19/07/2023 18:20

Sorry, I'm confused what your annoyed about? He offered to pay for lunch and you said no, you should have just said yes. Poor guy probably doesn't want to offend you by insisting. I like been treated to dinner by my DP, I also treat him and will often by drinks. Normally if he says he's taking me out for dinner then I don't offer to pay and vice versa.