My husband & I are a perfect team. We both work hard, care for our children and each other and almost every aspect is perfect. Except sex which we’ve had a big blowout about recently which has left me wondering whether or not we can keep doing this. It’s been an issue for our entire 10yr relationship.
He almost never wants to have sex and has always seemed uncomfortable with even the idea of it (except when it came to having a family). Occasionally he’s not completely against it and I can persuade him into it but there’s no pull, it’s always me pushing. A number of times we’ve had arguments and he’s got deeply upset - for me it’s a critical part of a healthy relationship and for my own self esteem. He’s got so uncomfortable there have been tears when we’ve been doing it and we’ve stopped and argued. I can’t understand why he’s so disinterested in me and feel sad and hopeless that I always have to be the one who brings it up as something we need to work on (by doing). He’s accused me of being coercive, manipulative and abusive, because he’s felt pressured because I’m annoyed and upset when we don’t do it, because it feels like total rejection which I obviously find difficult emotionally to process and handle.
In time maybe we’ll have marriage counselling but for now I’m at my wits end - it’s clearly never going to be a priority for him and I’m sure he’s just going to dig in deeper with his position that even if we have a sexless marriage, I shouldn’t have a right to talk to him about this if it’s going to make him feel pressured or uncomfortable. It feels incompatible in a very fundamental way, is it time for me to think about finding a healthier relationship?