Help....do I get rid of him!???

[Kiki2003]

So, my oh and father of 3 kids works full time and earns 50,000k per year.
I work 25hours per week and earn around 15k per year.
Oh gives me five hundred per month toward bills and that's it. He keeps the rest and spends it on himself.
He doesn't buy anything for the home, kids, days out, holidays, nothing!
I also look after his child from prev marraige every fortnight and buy us all takeaways ect.
So basically, his monthly income after tax is between 3 and 3.5k, he gives me 500 and blows the rest (no savings or anything).
My monthly income (including his 500) is 1800 but paying out each month is 1500.
So I have 300 left and he has 2-3k.
My 300 has to be spent on kids ect and he spends his on himself and in bookies.
Have argued many times over this, e doesn't see a problem with it...and nothing changes.

What do I do???

Do you share children?
if so, leave and claim CM, you'll be better off. If not, leave and give your head a wobble for letting a man sponge off you for so long.

Get rid

Yes, we have two together and he has 1 from previous.
Been together 13 years. Just don't know how to even start again alone.
Nor how to approach the whole splitting up thing with him....he makes me feel like I'm in the wrong all the time for bringing up money.
Plus, I feel like the kids will hate me for kicking him out.

Just don't know how to even start again alone.
You wouldn't be starting again because you are already doing it all.

You wouldn't be doing/paying anything for him.
You wouldn't be doing/paying for his other child.
You would be getting CM for the shared children.

He's dragging you down. Kick him out. Is the house joint owned or rental?

Think about the long term. He's a gambling addict. Think what will happen if he lost his job or when he retires and still keeps betting. I've seen elderly couples in this situation and its a miserable situation for the wife. You'll end up supporting him even more than you already do. Better to split now before it gets really bad.

Get rid. When the CMS get hold of him, you won't be doing any worse.

Do you rent? Whose name is the tenancy in?

Never mind what's wrong with it, there's nothing right!

The kids may be upset that their version of normal is disrupted. And they may take it out on you. But that doesn't make it your fault, and they will eventually realise that you are doing the best thing for them.

The house is rented and it's my name so he would likely have to go stay at his mums.
I know deep down what I need to do...just needed some reassurance that I would be doing the right thing I think....
I just feel like it's all on my toes to chuck him out and then look like the big bad wolf to the kids...

I hope your child benefit goes straight into your own account ?
Do you rent, if so who is on the rental agreement ?

Just seen your reply.
He needs to up his pay to you, or ship out.

"Plus, I feel like the kids will hate me for kicking him out".

Why would you think this?. The kids are not the arbiter of your relationship with your partner.

The kids will more like resent you for living in such an oppressive atmosphere and they can and do pick up on all the vibes. You're also being financially abused by him here and so the relationship is over in any event. Would you want your kids as adults to have a similar relationship; no you would not and you would want better for them.

You indeed would not be starting again because you're already doing it all as it is. He likely behaved the self same in his previous marriage so he's learnt nothing from that either.

Pack him off to his mother's.

The alternative is carrying on like this. You'd be working to support his child and your shared children and his gambling habit. Does that sound better?

Check CMS to see how much your kids are entitled to. Plus single payer discount on council tax, and possibly other benefits. That might help crystallise your thinking.

What do you want to teach your children about relationships and just what are they learning here?.

Show your kids that a woman does not have to put up with any form of substandard treatment from their partner in a relationship. You indeed know deep down what you need to do.

That's shocking.
Gamblers are unbearable to live with, he could cause total catastrophe do you know whether he is in a lot of debt or not?

As others have said, you'd be far far better of claiming CM off him.

He's probably also told you that he will give up gambling when he wins big; he is convinced that the next big win is around the corner.

Have you ever seen a poor bookie; neither have I.

Gambling is in his heart and soul; its his primary relationship. Its not with you or these children for that matter.

Ask him to leave. He's a financially abusive arsehole

You do not want the kids to pick up the idea that being a gambling addict is right. this man is selfish in the extreme. why should you pay for his child? why did his first wife leave him? if I was you I would run life an only get better

Embarrassed to even write this....essentially, she didn't leave him.
I met him, started going out, and it wasn't until we had kids together that I found out that in the beginning, he was still very much with his wife for at least 8 months whilst also seeing me....but we had kids by then and I didn't want to be a single parent!

You will get Child Maintenance (id advise going through CMS so he doesn't muck you around on this) from him and Universal Credit as well as your salary. You’d be better off than you are now! Plus…you’d have your sense of self worth…

Jesus Christ…

is he actually divorced?

Well that took a turn 🙀

Just to add, When (not if) he goes into debt for his habit do you want it to be at your address? Do you want your children being afraid of bailiffs at the door? Do you want your credit file marked because of him?
Chucking him out might just be the wake up call he needs to hang onto his job, otherwise he won't be giving you anything each month if he's on JSA and you'll feel too guilty to chuck him out then.