I've been with my wife (same sex) for 9 years, married for 7. We have two kids in early primary school. We both work full time - her mainly at home, me mainly in the office and split the childcare & chores pretty evenly although she generally does a bit more of the life admin and I do more of the practical stuff.
Pre-marrige everything was great. Loads of fun, conversation, affection and sex. However, everything changed once we got married. It was almost an overnight thing where she withdrew affection & sex. These days we rarely have sex. Months can go by without even the slightest whiff of intimacy - she just doesn't have any sort of drive for that kind of thing.
Over the years I've pretty much given up trying and it's crippling me. I almost can't bear to go to bed as I know she'll either "be asleep" or at best I might get a cuddle.
We've talked about it in the past and promises are made yet nothing ever changes. Any time I suggest we get a bit physical I get an excuse: I'm tired, it's too late, it's too early, the kids might come in, I'm on my period, I've got a headache, I've eaten too much, I'm thinking about work, it's not spontaneous enough, it's too spontaneous, I'm not in the mood and so-on. Even if I try a long run up like suggesting something at the weekend she gets more and more picky and grumpy with me as time goes by. She did it recently on my 40th. She made my birthday an absolute misery because when she asked what I wanted, I said it would be quite nice if we could try reconnecting. As it was I got a card, a packet of crisps from the shop & a day fluctuating between silent moodiness and picking at me for pointless things.
I love my wife and she says she loves me. I just can't keep going like this though. It's our anniversary coming up and the thought of an awkward day together fills me with dread. I really want the relationship to work but can't keep going on this way. I have needs that I've been squashing down all these years. I don't even masturbate any more to try and calm the urge.
I once suggested seeing other people to remove that pressure from our relationship but she got extremely angry.
I'm now considering divorce as a last resort because I simply cannot go on with her as she refuses to acknowlegde or engage with what I see as a massive problem in our relationship. I resent having to be in this position because my father buggered off when I was only a few years old and my wife has already preemptively given me the "you'd be just like your father" rant.
So there I am. I don't know what to do for the best of my relationship, children and own well being. I'd really appreciate your thoughts.