Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Ex says he still loves me and misses me

37 replies

Leanne1191 · 15/07/2023 23:28

Hi,

My ex who I was with for over 8 years has recently started messaging me. We haven't been together for 3 years and he cheated on me. He has since been with this other woman but has I think maybe realised the grass wasn't greener 🤷🏻‍♀️ he has said he misses me, he's still inlove with me, he regrets what he did and wishes he could go back, he has poured his heart out to me . He has also said that we couldn't get back together because I wouldn't trust him and that because we have now had a child by someone else that it wouldn't work and that his mistake will always be brought up etc. he has said he wants to meet up and go out for lunch and misses my company and our friendship because when we was together we was best friends too. He has said over the last year he has realised how bad he treated me and what an ass he was and he regrets it all and feels really bad for it. He has said I'm beautiful and gorgeous and he is still very attracted to me. Is this him just wanting sex? It's all really messed with my head a bit if honest.... we have 2 children together too. I don't know what his intentions are..... im really puzzled 🤯

OP posts:
Jongleterre · 15/07/2023 23:35

He's an arse.

It didn't work out for him so he's come crawling back to you as he knows what he's getting rather than throwing himself back into the dating pool.

If you don't have children with him, block him.

You don't need him anymore.

Jongleterre · 15/07/2023 23:36

Sorry just seen you have children with him.

Don't have him back as it will screw their minds up as well when he cheats again.

AzureBlue99 · 15/07/2023 23:50

Men are quite ridiculous creatures really. He has tired of his partner and is looking for a new thrill. Don't pander to his ego.

truthhurts23 · 15/07/2023 23:58

ive seen a lot of men triangulate their current partner and ex wife
he will just bounce back and forth between you both , when things are bad with her, he will go to you and vice versa

Thehippowife · 16/07/2023 00:02

God no. Don’t entertain this at all. It won’t end well.

Dotcheck · 16/07/2023 00:27

She’s probable dumped him and so he’s made up a marvellous story.
He’s good though- his ‘sadness’ over how bad he treated you/ how you would never forgive him is a play to provoke you into saying that you WOULD forgive him.

AcrossthePond55 · 16/07/2023 00:34

wouldn't trust him and that because we have now had a child by someone else that it wouldn't work and that his mistake

@Leanne1191

Who had a child?

AcrossthePond55 · 16/07/2023 00:35

Pushed too soon

He's an EX for a reason

MrsDanversGlidesAgain · 16/07/2023 00:40

truthhurts23 · 15/07/2023 23:58

ive seen a lot of men triangulate their current partner and ex wife
he will just bounce back and forth between you both , when things are bad with her, he will go to you and vice versa

My ex tried this, trying to imply that OW and I were on the same side against this hopeless man who was causing us both grief. I think the idea was to a) minimise any guilt he felt over how he'd behaved by telling himself we were all cool with the situation and b) have two women on a string so he had his own little harem and never went without whatever it was.

Didn't work. I might have been soft and not cut the so and so off sooner (MN wasn't around then to give advice) but I wasn't THAT soft.

Pawpatrolsucks · 16/07/2023 00:46

Have you recently met someone else? It sounds a bit like he wants to keep you on hold in case he changes his mind. It doesn’t sound like he just wants sex, more he wants the emotional support, possibly with sex, but without making a comment to you so he can still have hook ups.

Pawpatrolsucks · 16/07/2023 00:50

And obviously you should keep him at arm’s length. Just communicate about the kids, don’t let him use you as an emotional dumping ground. He will pull at your heart strings, but don’t get sucked in to his crap.

Kugela · 16/07/2023 00:56

He’s after a shag now that he’s been with his new partner for a while. He’s probably a bit bored with OW now. Tell him he made his choice three years ago and you need him to be a good father to your DCs but nothing more.

MrsDanversGlidesAgain · 16/07/2023 00:59

Kugela · 16/07/2023 00:56

He’s after a shag now that he’s been with his new partner for a while. He’s probably a bit bored with OW now. Tell him he made his choice three years ago and you need him to be a good father to your DCs but nothing more.

Yep. The romance and thrill of meeting behind your back has worn off and he's back in boring everyday domesticity. There's no mystery left.

TheoTheopolis23 · 16/07/2023 00:59

Has the relationship even ended between him and ow?

TheoTheopolis23 · 16/07/2023 01:02

Tell him you might have considered it but you've met a guy who's a way better shag than him and can see it lasting for a while ...if it doesn't work out you might give him a bell sometime in the future.

Pufflebow · 16/07/2023 01:06

What stands out is that this is all about him
how he feels, what he wants
him being a victim and looking for reassurance that if you got back together you wouldn’t hold it against him
him realising he treated you badly and he feels bad he regrets it

but nothing about what you want, which is surely the only relevant thing.

if you’re asking for opinions though, no. He cheated on you, left you, and now it suits him (or she’s kicked him out) he wants to come back and he’s just blown up your life over what he wants. He could’ve just left you alone, not said anything but started trying to make up for how he’s acted.

TheoTheopolis23 · 16/07/2023 01:06

I know a few people who've told me about men making their ex, their mistress,/side chick ..... after their original side chick became their main.... And became increasingly boring, "naggy" and familiar like their original partner appeared.

They are like robber balls bouncing to and fro.

A certain type of man always had to have two women in the go and well. The domestic looker after-er & "missus" ... And the illicit fun totty on the side.

The lines they use are older than the pyramids too.

TheoTheopolis23 · 16/07/2023 01:07

*rubber

frozendaisy · 16/07/2023 01:19

What a fucking load of crock

Don't be a mug OP

You will be washing his socks and sucking his cheating cock in no time just to "prove" to yourself HE CHOSE YOU eventually over her so you WIN.

You win nothing.

But your choice.

Take the cheater back that is bound to make you happy.

curtaintwitcher23 · 16/07/2023 02:45

You are like a comfy pair of slippers to him, an easy option, familiar and probably able to offer him an instant home and solution to whatever circumstances he's currently in (don't really understand the third baby bit but im assuming you are currently single and have a family home)
You'll know it's a huge mistake five minutes into it if you give him a chance.
Value yourself, keep your dignity and celebrate a lucky escape x 2 while keeping stability for you children.
Be strong

SunflowerTed · 16/07/2023 04:25

I would give him a wide berth. He’s probably bored!

CapEBarra · 16/07/2023 05:04

I guess the OW has found out he isn’t the catch she thought he was, and now she’s trying to kick him out, so he’s trying to worm his way back in as he’ll need a place to stay. In your shoes is knock it on the head right now. ‘Thanks for the message and your apology. I have no wish to revisit the past and think it’s time to move in. All the best.’

Original poster
Leanne1191 · 16/07/2023 05:08

AcrossthePond55 · 16/07/2023 00:34

wouldn't trust him and that because we have now had a child by someone else that it wouldn't work and that his mistake

@Leanne1191

Who had a child?

I have since had a child with another man and he had a child with her

OP posts:
Original poster
Leanne1191 · 16/07/2023 05:10

Pawpatrolsucks · 16/07/2023 00:46

Have you recently met someone else? It sounds a bit like he wants to keep you on hold in case he changes his mind. It doesn’t sound like he just wants sex, more he wants the emotional support, possibly with sex, but without making a comment to you so he can still have hook ups.

Well I met someone and had a child with this bloke but it hasn't worked out and he knows this.

OP posts:
Original poster
Leanne1191 · 16/07/2023 05:12

TheoTheopolis23 · 16/07/2023 00:59

Has the relationship even ended between him and ow?

I have no idea if the relationship has ended I said to him are you happy with this woman and he said yeah but it's not us? Whatever that means..... how can you be happy with someone when you want to take your ex wife out for lunch and have been saying you still love and miss her? 🤷🏻‍♀️

OP posts: