Page 3 | Is this just most men?

QueensBees · 15/07/2023 17:42

Deathbyfluffy · 15/07/2023 17:01

Are you surprised he’s awful having to live with the OP, who tells people she’s asked for help to shut up?

She sounds a real charmer…

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I have to say many many times, posters in MN and this thread included make me aware like this too.

People are obtuse, concentrate on one tiny details, fabricate all sorts of stories and simply do not listen to the OP.
Plus the whole ‘i just tell it as it is’ brigade doesn’t help tbh.

UsingChangeofName · 15/07/2023 17:45

While the OP has been unpleasant on this thread, her boyfriend is an abusive weed addict who is on probation, hides lots of money from her, and is cutting her off from her family.

So maybe the OP should have referred to that in her opening post, rather than assuming anyone who replies has

a) clocked her user name
b)linked that with previous threads she has started
c) remembered all relevant information before replying.

MN is a MASSIVE forum with thousands of threads every day. If people want to get help, advice, or opinion, they have to assume replies will be to the information given.

Original poster

Whyme82 · 15/07/2023 19:17

I don’t mean to be rude it’s just frustrating that people are thinking it’s about a notepad. When I ended it with I don’t get a second thought so my issue is I’m not considered. And I work from home and also have a 1 year old and I still have to watch my toddler during work hours every so often because when I went back into work my partner was taking care of him but leaving him independently to nap and stuff which resulted in him having 1 nap messing up his sleep and being cranky because it would get to midday and he would be so tired he would fall asleep himself maybe 3/4 times out of the 3 weeks he got a morning nap so I still do naps when I say anything to my partner about it he says he won’t nap with me. And rn I don’t really care about my English either as I’m just venting. I’ve gone into work now I’ll be paying all the rent and all the bills groceries etc on one wage because my partner says he has NO money when he inherited 80k last year which took him to about 100k savings between then and now he has paid the rent whilst I paid the bills and most the other stuff. Now his put all that on me, I feel like I need one small think he said he would get and he hasn’t I feel shit. I’m struggling with NO money rn I know he has no money and today we had nothing for dinner I didn’t have money so he said his taken a 250 pay day loan out to get us by until I get paid! When I know he is obvs lying. I don’t want to fight with him so stay quiet because I know I’ll get put down. I’ve told him I won’t be able to do it and he needs to work he said he will get a cash in hand Job at restaurant next month but I must continue to foot the rent the bills etc and the money he earns we can spend on extras so again I still won’t have money of my own. I’m just so depressed. Stressed. I feel like there isn’t an out I feel so lonely and lost. I’m sorry if I offended anyone

OP posts:

RachelTopliss · 15/07/2023 19:22

He's taken out a payday loan when he's inherited thousands? Why? He's telling you a pack of lies. It makes no sense whatsoever.

UndercoverCop · 15/07/2023 19:24

OP two things, LTB he truly sounds irredeemable from other threads and take notepads from work.

Original poster

Whyme82 · 15/07/2023 19:24

Says he has “run out of money” so his watching me piece money together before I’ve even been paid from work to get stuff or watch me budget and limit things we need and struggle. Said he took the pay day loan so we can do one big shop to last us until the end of this month when I get paid.

OP posts:

Original poster

Whyme82 · 15/07/2023 19:24

I work from home

OP posts:

Cas112 · 15/07/2023 19:36

Just order one, it's really not that big of a deal

RachelTopliss · 15/07/2023 19:38

Whyme82 · 15/07/2023 19:24

Says he has “run out of money” so his watching me piece money together before I’ve even been paid from work to get stuff or watch me budget and limit things we need and struggle. Said he took the pay day loan so we can do one big shop to last us until the end of this month when I get paid.

He's watching you scratch around for money whilst sitting on thousands?

Notamum12345577 · 15/07/2023 19:39

Cas112 · 15/07/2023 19:36

Just order one, it's really not that big of a deal

It’s not about the notebook

Notamum12345577 · 15/07/2023 19:40

Whyme82 · 15/07/2023 12:33

So I’ve just gone back of mat leave. I’m always considerate of everyone’s needs around me before my partner even says he needs something I tend to know or buy it or if he mentions he needs something when I go to the shops I’ll always remember to buy it. I’ve been back at work now 3 weeks. I been saying I need a notepad and everytime his gone to the shops or whatever his not got me one. His been saying it for a while. I don’t get time to go out or anything and ordering one is just expensive and I just sat here and thought shit I never ask for ANYTHING EVER! I pay for my own stuff the one time I need something not even want it hasn’t even crossed his mind to pick up for me. It may be something minor but it just bothered me because when I say I literally will always remember his needs or wants when I go but me who never asks for anything but needs something didnt get a second thought

In answer to your post title, I would say no, not most men. Some men yes, maybe even a lot of men, but not most thankfully.
Your’s sounds like a piece of work though, after reading your updates

Jongleterre · 15/07/2023 20:00

Don't sweat the petty stuff.

Eva6437 · 15/07/2023 21:11

why are people being mean?

I get it OP, you’re considerate and thoughtful, wondering why this isn’t being reciprocated when you’re supposed to be a team in life in general.

Unfortunately that’s the difference between men and women- albeit not all, but a lot of the time women tend to be more thoughtful.

Communication is key, have you tied talking to your DH about how you feel? It sounds like there had been a build up and the deal with “notepad” has rocked the boat. If you don’t talk about it, you’ll end up resenting him .

QueensBees · 15/07/2023 21:15

Notamum12345577 · 15/07/2023 19:40

In answer to your post title, I would say no, not most men. Some men yes, maybe even a lot of men, but not most thankfully.
Your’s sounds like a piece of work though, after reading your updates

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And you sound like you have an empathy bypass. 🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️

QueensBees · 15/07/2023 21:20

@Whyme82 he is lying to you.
Either he never got any inheritance, it was no where near £80k or he never took a pay day loan.

What is sure is that he is happy to watch you struggle on and on whilst he is sat on his arse doing nothing.
You are paying fur everything AND for him too.

Financially you’d be better Wo him as you wouldnt need to pay for him AND you’d probably get UC. On paper hed also need to lay CM (but yes I doubt he will….)
Emotionally, you’d feel so much better too. No need to walk on eggshells shell anymore. No lie. And no getting let down again and again.

Seriously, do consider getting rid of him. Your life will easier and nicer.
It will be a better environment fir your dc.
Youll win all around.

pinkyredrose · 15/07/2023 21:21

Deathbyfluffy · 15/07/2023 17:01

Are you surprised he’s awful having to live with the OP, who tells people she’s asked for help to shut up?

She sounds a real charmer…

Show quote history

Are you the boyfriend?

Notamum12345577 · 15/07/2023 21:43

QueensBees · 15/07/2023 21:15

And you sound like you have an empathy bypass. 🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️

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Eh? What I said about him was not as strong as what most posters have said!

Unicorn2023 · 16/07/2023 00:07

Whyme82 · 15/07/2023 19:17

I don’t mean to be rude it’s just frustrating that people are thinking it’s about a notepad. When I ended it with I don’t get a second thought so my issue is I’m not considered. And I work from home and also have a 1 year old and I still have to watch my toddler during work hours every so often because when I went back into work my partner was taking care of him but leaving him independently to nap and stuff which resulted in him having 1 nap messing up his sleep and being cranky because it would get to midday and he would be so tired he would fall asleep himself maybe 3/4 times out of the 3 weeks he got a morning nap so I still do naps when I say anything to my partner about it he says he won’t nap with me. And rn I don’t really care about my English either as I’m just venting. I’ve gone into work now I’ll be paying all the rent and all the bills groceries etc on one wage because my partner says he has NO money when he inherited 80k last year which took him to about 100k savings between then and now he has paid the rent whilst I paid the bills and most the other stuff. Now his put all that on me, I feel like I need one small think he said he would get and he hasn’t I feel shit. I’m struggling with NO money rn I know he has no money and today we had nothing for dinner I didn’t have money so he said his taken a 250 pay day loan out to get us by until I get paid! When I know he is obvs lying. I don’t want to fight with him so stay quiet because I know I’ll get put down. I’ve told him I won’t be able to do it and he needs to work he said he will get a cash in hand Job at restaurant next month but I must continue to foot the rent the bills etc and the money he earns we can spend on extras so again I still won’t have money of my own. I’m just so depressed. Stressed. I feel like there isn’t an out I feel so lonely and lost. I’m sorry if I offended anyone

@Whyme82 I didn’t realise this was so much more than a notepad by your post and for that I apologise! I really hope you move back home with ur parents because any life is better than the one you are living just now! Please know that not all people who try drugs become addicts ( I’m not perfect I promise so no judgement) but if he had 💷💷💷💷 you wouldn’t be living as you are with no food! Admit defeat there is no right or wrong here and your family would welcome you with open arms! So what’s best for you and your baby x

wakeuporswim · 16/07/2023 00:15

I'm sorry it wasn't just the notepad, OP .

I don't know the whole backstory, but would it (as mentioned) be possible for you to leave and return to family? It sounds miserable for you.

Watchkeys · 16/07/2023 09:51

I don’t want to fight with him so stay quiet because I know I’ll get put down

Your relationship is over. You are looking for ways to excuse him, i.e. 'Oh, that's just how men are'

They're not. He's making you miserable. It's not up to him to make you happy, it's up to you to make you happy. So you need to put yourself in a happier situation, rather than questioning his behaviour. Yes, he's being crappy, but people are being crappy the world over, 24/7. It's up to you how much time you spend with them, and how much effort you put into finding people you feel good with.

HermeticDawn · 16/07/2023 09:54

Watchkeys · 16/07/2023 09:51

I don’t want to fight with him so stay quiet because I know I’ll get put down

Your relationship is over. You are looking for ways to excuse him, i.e. 'Oh, that's just how men are'

They're not. He's making you miserable. It's not up to him to make you happy, it's up to you to make you happy. So you need to put yourself in a happier situation, rather than questioning his behaviour. Yes, he's being crappy, but people are being crappy the world over, 24/7. It's up to you how much time you spend with them, and how much effort you put into finding people you feel good with.

This.

Fizbosshoes · 16/07/2023 09:59

Ilikejamtarts · 15/07/2023 12:47

I think I kind of understand. I'm the same with tending to know what people need. Like partner comments his deodorant is running low, I'll be sure to grab one at the shop next time. He uses a specific shower gel and i can see wheh that's low, ill grab one. I notice hes not got any work lunch in the fridge, I'll pick some up for him. I do it to save him the hassle of having to grab these things after a long day at work and I'm going the shop anyway so why should I not be helpful. There's one shop near us that sells the jamtarts I like, he knows I've ran out and may go this shop on his way home but doesn't pick me any up.. yes it does sound petty 😂 if I asked I know for sure he'd grab some but it would be nice sometimes if it just crossed his mind like it does with me. I've just accepted he doesn't think the same as me and I'm probably over sensitive/over think.
Would your partner at least grab you a notepad if you asked?
If that's a no then yes I'd be funing

This winds me up about DH. I'll notice were running low on shampoo or shower gel and pick it up when I pass boots. If for any reason I'm using something different to DH he'll see its run out ...but not do anything about it.... and then start using my hair mask or conditioner and say he thought it was shower gel!! (the containers are clearly completely different!!) He works less than 5 min from 2 supermarkets and boots.

DC prefer it when I go food shopping because I instinctively know what they like/need even if its not on the list and often pick up a treat whereas DH tends to buy what he likes or whatever is on the list.

Watchkeys · 16/07/2023 10:01

@Fizbosshoes

What does he say when you explain to him how you feel about it?

Anniegetyourgun · 16/07/2023 10:31

This is so much more than a partner who doesn't think beyond his own needs. He's financially abusive and by the sound of it, pretty much a complete waste of space. Meanwhile many men are committed parents, loving partners, hard workers and all round decent human beings! I'm pretty sure they're in the majority in fact. (I certainly hope so. I gave birth to 4 of them myself.) There's nothing about having a dick that requires him to behave like one.

If you have options that don't include living with him, I strongly suggest you take one of them. Hopefully before long you'll find a real man who pulls his weight in a proper relationship of equals.

supersop60 · 17/10/2023 17:39

My DP is like this. When he goes shopping he asks if anyone wants anything specific. Always forgets it. DD asks for peanut butter, he forgets it. I asked for chocolate 2 days ago "oh sorry I forgot, but I did get ham and cheese".
He has a shit memory or it's not important to him