I realised I only dated and had relationships because it's "the norm". I'm so much happier single.

[Cv80]

I've only had two relationships on my life, both about 4 years, and I'm now nearing 50. I'm a very independent person, totally happy in my own company. Once I got over the heartbreak of both ending, I realised the times I've felt happiest in my life was not in these relationships but when I'm single. I think I lost a bit of myself in each one and know at times I wasn't really myself.

I'd describe myself as an introvert who enjoys a calm, peaceful, simple life, and I've no intention now of getting into another relationship. I did before because it's the "done thing".

Anyone feel similar?

I'd describe myself as an introvert who enjoys a calm, peaceful, simple life

This is exactly how I also describe myself!

And yes, single life suits me the best if I’m being realistic what people isually want from relationships / are like.
Personally, I never did the relationship thing in the first place.
All the pawing and pushing for physical stuff was just not for me and made me run far away from them.

That being said, if I did meet a quiet, kind, wholesome person, who doesn’t demand physical stuff, I would give it a go.
But I’m almost totally fine and have accepted it won’t happen.

I know this wasn’t 100% what you asked, but I’m 98% there😅
I loved your post and always happy to read about happy single people!

I’m now 50 and get people asking me why I’m not in a relationship very frequently. I just say ‘I’ve not met anyone I like’. The older I get, the more I crave time on my own. I’m very lucky to have my own flat and lots of friends, but I’m not sure if I could be in a relationship or live with anyone now.

I often think that people who question why I (and other single people) aren’t in a relationship are slightly envious that we’re ok with our own company. I have several friends who can’t bear to be alone for even an hour!

Sounds fine to me; you will get a few people projecting onto you the 'norm' of being in a couple but you seem to have a happy, content life!

I'd describe myself as an introvert who enjoys a calm, peaceful, simple life, and I've no intention now of getting into another relationship. I did before because it's the "done thing".

Embrace it. When I was younger I had relationships but after my marriage cratered and I started living alone I realise I had no wish to jump into the crocodile pool that's dating ever again. A couple of decades on and here I am - long term and unrepentantly single and living very happily with the realisation that relationships aren't for some people and I'm one of them.

Not me but let me tell you about my cousin.

One day she called me and said "I want you all to meet my boyfriend" - she meant DSis, DM, DF, DH and me. My cousin has always been dating, always in a relationship, short or long, from age 15. She was 30 when we had this conversation. I smiled and said "what's so special about this one?" and she said "I like him".

😮

So for 15 years she had been in relationships with men she didn't even like, just because dating was the "done thing"! Mind-boggling.

My daughters are in their late 20's and have a few friends who have never dated and don't want to date. The one I know well is confident, happy and attractive and I'm as sure as I can be that she is single because she wants to be.

I don't understand why it's not a more acceptable option in life.
I don't think you need a partner but I wonder if you need some friends or family especially as you get older. My husband is a huge introvert and I wonder how he would get on if I left him or if I died.

If I needed help or support I've lots of friends that would help me in an instant. My husband doesn't have anyone apart from me and the kids. He has a few casual friends he sees infrequently but that's it.

My husband is the same @LotsOfThingsToThinkAbout - I think a lot of men are from mid life onward. It makes me glad I'm a woman tbh. I've always had close friendships and a lot going on outside my marriage

In so many relationships you find yourself held back, enmired in a partner's problems, infected by their pessimism about your career or other aspirations. For a number of years I just took it for granted that being in a relationship involved a diminution of one's horizons. I'm very fortunate now to have a partner who's much more supportive and who pushes me onwards in my work and other eccentricities. I don't mean he's 'pushy' in an unpleasant way, rather he likes me talking about ambitions and big ideas and likes to facilitate them. I never realised that was possible. In fact I say to him that being with him is almost as good as not being in a relationship at all. That's a joke, by the way, and something we laugh about. He's felt that former partners have tried to damage his career too, and it's something we can bond over.

I think more people would feel this way if they were honest with themselves.

I've been in a relationship for coming up to 2 years but I've always seen relationships temporary and transient. I've never wanted to get married. I did once because it was expected of me. I didn't like it and it only lasted 4 years. I know that, if my current relationship ended, I'd be fine.

I've told him that being with him is so easy, it's like being on my own and in my own company and I can't think of a greater compliment that that. I love being on my own; going out on my own; doing stuff on my own!

My life is genuinely enhanced by being with him. I'm not tolerating anything I'm not happy with. It doesn't disrupt my peace on any level. So, for that reason, I'll stick with it. If any of that changed, I'd leave.

I think a lot of this is because my mother is one of those twist yourself in knots to be ok with him and what he does women and I was determined to never be like that.

She's been with her partner for 18 years. He's cost her her peace of mind, friendships and her family. He's an unpleasant man in many ways. She told me once that i had no idea what sacrifices she'd had to make just to have a partner. I'm now well aware... but, hey, at least she's not single.

I love being single. I tried relationships when I was younger, but single is definitely better. I want to remain single for the rest of my life. I decided that about 25 years ago and have never wavered in my decision. I have a great life - many of my married friends clearly envy me

I love this thread! This is me too, 50 and happy.

The one I know well is confident, happy and attractive and I'm as sure as I can be that she is single because she wants to be.
I don't understand why it's not a more acceptable option in life.

Isin’t it funny how you have to say that you are sure she’s single by choice.
Not to mention that one has to be a super-human almost, for it to be okey to be single!?

Just to be clear, I’m not attacking you at all, it’s the societal attitude in general that is the problem.

I guess I no longer feel bad saying I’m 98% happy being single, since now your thread has filled with people in relationships and marriages 😅😂
I was worried if I should say anything at first 🤣

I'm well past 60, single for a very long time and I know there will not be another relationship or marriage. I just have no interest in meeting anyone else.

I'm very ok with that, I have money, my own house, friends (some single, some not) and family locally and I lead a settled, pretty happy life on a daily basis. I can do anything I want, when I want and no need to consider anyone else.

The only thing in my life that is a tad annoying at times is my elderly, very screechy cat and he is more than enough male presence for me. Bless him ...

Love this thread! I am married, but DH works away Mon - Fri and I love the time on my own, just me & Ddog. I've lived on my own before I married, very happy, and I could do it again. DH enhances my life, we don't have kids, it's a great life. I love having time & space to think; I think I may be neuro diverse as I get overwhelmed easily. I hate the way society pushes marriage and being coupled up as the norm. Women I used to socialise with were desperate to be in a relationship; one has never been single, as a previous poster said, she didn't even particularly like her first husband, before she married him!! I can't understand why she hasn't had a break inbetween relationships to find out what she really wants from life. I don't think she really knows herself.

I feel exactly the same. I love being able to be completely selfish and do my own thing all the time. I have a lot of various hobbies and interests, and I like being able to dedicate all my free time to such things. I never get bored or tired of my own company.

I'm still quite young (early 30s), and I know if I told any of my friends I might just be done with romantic relationships for good, they'd respond with "oh don't say that! You'll find someone! The right guy's just around the corner etc etc". But honestly it feels really liberating to realise I'm just not that fussed about finding someone. It's not that I've given up, it's that I simply don't want it. My friends, family, and cats give me all the love and companionship I need.

I'm glad I'm not the only one who says that sort of thing to my partner @GreyCarpet Fortunately we have the kind of relationship where that's a compliment. That's another thing - not having to walk on eggshells around someone else's touchy pride!

Good for you OP ! :)

Good for you. I do live like that with my husband though. We are very different people and live interdependently. So what I’m saying is, it’s possible to live with such freedom even within a marriage.

I’m now 50 and get people asking me why I’m not in a relationship very frequently.

I haven't had this, and I've been single most of my adult life. In my bleaker moments, I've wondered if they don't ask because it's obvious, but most of the time, who cares what others think. And also I have had boyfriends at times, though never lived with anyone, and not made a big fuss about it (never seen any need to tell FB my relationship status, for example,) so maybe they aren't sure and don't ask in case they think they should know.

My parents always did their own things as well as things together, which I think made it easier for Mum when Dad died. I did have a couple of comments from my mother about how much harder life is single, as the world is set up for couples. Funny how she was never bothered about that for her single daughter...

I'm around the same age and have lived with two people for a total of around 10 years. Whilst as you say, sadness at the relationship ending, but more it was not having someone to enjoy shared interests with...and the revelation that this could be friends of either sex and not necessarily someone I was dating dawned on me and I have been happy being single ever since!

Yes to the happiest times not being in a relationship. Something goes wrong with me in love, I get all insecure and forget myself and make it all about them. Ugh. I'm no good at it. So I've stopped trying and am so so much more content.

This describes me exactly. I feel I lose a bit of myself in relationships and put myself second

I think about this every time I walk in the kitchen