To leave DHJ

[julietlondon]

I'll just cut to the chase. My DS (5) has been repeatedly bullied for a year. My DH doesn't believe him, then on other days says he's exaggerating to not go to school.

We have proof of the bullying (pics of bruises and calls from the school)

Do I need to leave my vile DH?

Is this the only thing that makes him vile?

What do you mean doesn’t believe him? He also doesn’t believe the school that’s provided evidence?

He was also vile during my pregnancy and denied I had pain when my doctor would show him
Why I'm in pain (had polyhydramnios). My muscles would tear and I would stand and cry for most of my pregnancy.

He sees the bruises in my DS face as some rough playing between kids and that's it. There was no malice

Yes and work with the school to address the bullying.

I told DH I need to get DS some therapy for this. And DH response was "why do we always have a crisis!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Thought to myself, I really know what evil looks like now.

I think you need to explain more OP.

Is it that he doesn’t believe it or that he believes your reaction is disproportionate.

I thought this too

And DH response was "why do we always have a crisis!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Thought to myself, I really know what evil looks like now.

oh good grief op

I have to say - on the basis of a handful of posts, you seem one for very high drama and inflaming situations

Evil is a very dramatic thing to call him. There are still unfortunately many parents who feel taking a few knocks from a bully helps your child to be resilient and tough. I wouldn't leap automatically to therapy either unless your DS is showing signs of anxiety or trauma over this, things like being scared to go to school, not sleeping, having nightmares, not eating. FWIW I've dealt with similar attitudes from stbxh, but around mental health, and have just done what my DC needed and gotten them therapy. Unfortunately my stbxh doesn't know better and isn't interested in doing better on a lot of issues. He's also been abusive and neglectful during my last pregnancy. He's a jerk, buy I wouldn't call him evil.

It sounds like you despise your DH, in which case leave him. He could very well be toxic, or abusive, we can't know that from this post. I think the way he's reacting to this isn't ok, but his behaviour isn't evil. Some parents don't know better and aren't interested in learning. Focus on working with the school on this issue and if you truly think so badly of DH make him an ex.

DS has been bullied for over a year. I have pictures of his face when a kid stabbed his face with a pencil, which left a scar on his face. He was pushed by the same kid and had a neck injury. DS doesn't drink water at school due to not wanting to use the bathroom there, the kids open the door to taunt him. He feigns illnesses to not go to school. I don't think this is an overreaction at all. My DH is an one of those people who will never believe a victim, somehow it's not true. Somehow in his brain its a lie, or an exaggeration. I reckon DH is not the person to go to when something painful or terrifying is happening.

Your school sounds shit op

moving him should have been your focus

Yes that's the priority and being handled. I do find DH's minimising or denying someone's abuse is abuse itself. I tried to help our DS manage the bullying and told him to go to his teacher and when that didn't work, I went to the headmaster.

I am trying to find solutions to this by finding another school and manage what DH says to our DS. His poor reasoning of not believing victims (I don't believe it) without any explanation is troubling to me. No wonder victims hide in shame. He takes after his mum. It would take a very long time to post all the ways my DH lacks empathy or any support when someone is trying to express their deep sadness. He brushes it off bc DH thinks these things are inconvenient for him to have to spend his time on.

But when DH is upset about work politics, everyone should listen to him for months, and believe him outright (which I do).

I don't understand how some are not able to see that DH hates me and our DS by the way he denies any abuse and sweeps it under the rug

You say he’s vile and he hates you and DS. He certainly sounds pretty horrible, telling you that you weren’t in pain when you were pregnant.
But why are you asking if you should leave him? Do you not want to? Do you think he’ll change? If you feel the relationship is over, then yes you should end it. He isn’t suddenly going to become kind, empathetic and supportive.

I have tried to work on our marriage for years, trying to see his good side. It's become impossible to ignore the reality.

the homelife for your son OP must be worst than school.

I have tried to work on our marriage for years, trying to see his good side. It's become impossible to ignore the reality.

Then why do you need a bunch of random to tell you whether you should leave or not? I think you know the answer!

Hi everyone, 1st time posting here.
married for 13 years, together for almost 20 years. Husband very inexperienced and have ED the beginning and saw sex as not that important in the marriage. I’ve always been sexual but suppressed this for the “greater good “ of the marriage. Hence passion never really developed early on.
Fast forward to 2 children and all the responsibilities, our sex life was pretty non existent. Very scared to broach the subject of sex due to ED problems
He’s recently had an affair for 6 months, emotional and some physical ( no penetration) He’s now sexually awakened! The AP has made him have erections
Going through counselling who suggested that we can’t recreate passion that wasn’t there in the first place. We both love each other deeply though
We now have to decide whether we should stay together for the “greater good “ or explore our own sexuality outside the marriage. Some insight and advice please 🙏

You need to start your own thread @confusedwife12345

Then why are you still with him?

He doesn't sound like a good husband to you or father to your child.