DH said “f&@k you!” during an argument

[AhDear]

We had one of those horrible drunken holiday fights that I haven’t had in many years. He has apologised but I’m a bit shook. Do I let this go?

I would, but your boundaries may be different from mine. It sounds like you both said some things - was it from both sides? What's he said since?

A horrible drunken fight and he swore? Unless he also battered you grown up.

He swore in a row …. It’s not a big deal.

doesn't seem too shocking to me.

I would, it wasn't a massive verbal attack and it sounds like you were both arguing. Did you swear at all? I may have muttered the odd FFS, or fuck off during rows before. If he'd called you a fat bitch I'd probably say that was an issue.

Eh? I say fuck you all the time

Do you let it go? Are you seriously going to break up your marriage over it? I would be more concerned about the context of the argument and how he behaves towards me. A fuck you is nothing

My DH tell each other to f off/f you/get fked if we ever argue most adults swear at each other in heat of the moment, people get angry & swear it doesn’t mean anything & most people would just forget about it

Of course... there are way worse things said and done

Surely this is a joke?
People say things when angry, especially when alcohol is involved. You sound sensitive and maybe have lived a sheltered life. People have said far worse than "fuck you"

I say ‘fuck you’ none of the time. In 20 years together, we’ve never said it to each other. I thought this was normal.

If DH said it to me in a drunken fight, would I LTB? Probably not, but it would be extremely out of character.

If that’s he worst he’s said to yo7 then you’re doing good.

Fuck you is normal language in Glasgow where I’m from!

Umm yes unless you think a swear word is worth leaving a relationship for? You should’ve tried saying it back it’s very liberating!

We never have drunken fights but during almost 30 years of marriage I may have said fuck you to DH when he’s being utterly unreasonable (and I’ve definitely stuck my middle finger up behind his back). If it was one of those rare heated arguments (verbal only) where neither of you behaved as you normally would I’d let it go.

DH isn't a swearer so I'd be shocked by this too OP. But as he's apologised I'd let it go.

No big deal to me at all.

i am realising from the replies that I may have sounded a bit Lorna Doone in my post 😀. And I’m well capable of swearing like a sailor myself, just had never heard those words directed at me from DH’s gob! I’ll get over it of course, truth be told I’m hungover and have the fear. thanks for taking the time to reply all of you x

It depends on your boundaries and what you accept from your partners. Everyone's boundaries are different.

Me and my DH have never sworn at/to each other no matter how big of an argument we have.

As for your question OP, I wouldn't say I'd break up your marriage over it but I'd make it clear to him that you don't like him swearing at you so that it doesn't perpetuate. He should apologize and you can move on.

Slightly ignoring the point, but: Depends what triggered that reaction from him. Might be something you need to come back to and work on while sober?

My dh, of many years, told me to f##k off last year.
The first time ever and he doesn’t normally swear.
We had a conversation about how personally nasty it felt as in I have said ffs before in frustration which I thought was ok because in my mind it wasn’t to him.
It turned out that dh had not really thought about the difference and assumed it wasn’t that bad a thing.
We agreed that neither of us should be saying f##k about each other even when not a direct comment.
On the positive side I swear less which is a good thing.

I’d be shocked if my dh said it to me because it isn’t the way we argue-but re think the relationship? Not at all-he’s a lovely man so I’d put it down to being extremely stressed and out of character and let it go.

For me, it wouldn't necessarily be an issue; I'm well capable of using a phrase like that

However, 'fuck you' as opposed to 'fuck off' seems harsher and less acceptable (to me).

But actually this is entirely based on you & DH's relationship. If you never swear at each other that way, I can see it is a shock & hurtful & needs a discussion.

(My dad for example never swore or cursed in his life so we'd all have fallen down in shock!)

Doesn't everyome swear during a row?

Well what triggered it was me telling him he’d a shit sense of direction (he’d got us lost on walk home) so I reckon he needs to work on his sense of direction while sober 😀

I'd be annoyed probably but definitely wouldn't be feeling a bit shook the next day, it would be long forgotten by then.

Hopefully you'll be able to let it go and enjoy the rest of your holiday.

Yep you’re all correct - it’s what’s normal in the context of a relationship. The different views here are interesting, I guess we all have our boundaries and parameters.