Dp going into business with someone who is rude to me

Bringonthesunforthewashing · 2023-07-10T18:05:47+00:00

Been together 17 years. Dps best friend from school who he runs into maybe once a year has set up a business. He has asked him to go work for him. Dps friend has always disliked me, I have no idea why, I have always been friendly even when he has been rude to me. He doesn’t make eye contact and ignores me. Dp knows his friend is rude. He sees a business opportunity and wants to go for it. I am probably being irrational, but I find this really hurtful. To add, this business venture sounds a waste of time to me!!!

Hungrycaterpillarsmummy · 10/07/2023 19:06

It will be a waste of time. You know it, I know it. You can lead a horse to water..

Your husband doesn't sound very great if he considers this whilst knowing he is rude to you

Original poster

Bringonthesunforthewashing · 10/07/2023 19:08

I find it so disloyal somehow.

maybe I am wrong

OP posts:

Original poster

Bringonthesunforthewashing · 10/07/2023 20:07

Anyone else have any advice, I feel so conflicted

OP posts:

Hoppinggreen · 10/07/2023 20:09

Ask him for a copy of the business plan and financial projections.
Thats much more important than whether his prospective business partner likes you or not

Hungrycaterpillarsmummy · 10/07/2023 20:11

Agree! Ask for business plan

drpet49 · 10/07/2023 20:11

You can’t control who he speaks to, who he is friends with. Just leave him to it.

Original poster

Bringonthesunforthewashing · 10/07/2023 20:16

We have discussed at length the business plan.

his friend set up the business in 2021, found it ultimately very stressful and took 3 months off. Turned down big jobs because he couldn’t facilitate due to staff/stress.

Offered dp today a profit share (no idea at this point what that is).

Dp would be giving up a reliable job for this opportunity.

I think it’s a bad idea, dp is full of hope for a better future. On top of the rubbish business plan, tbh he has hurt my feelings the fact he even speaks to this man

OP posts:

HVPRN · 10/07/2023 20:18

Why not ask the man why he is rude to you?

Turnleftturnright · 10/07/2023 20:19

I get where you are coming from OP. It isn't about controlling who he speaks to. It is about the fact that he is supposed to be someone you confide in and trust with your life who is on your side.

By going out of his way to start a long term day to day working relationship and business with someone who seems to hate you is likely to create distance between you both.

It feels disloyal because it is. There is a difference if your partner happens to work with someone you don't get on with or one or their day to day friends isn't your biggest fan. To go out of their way to build something as big as a business with someone that hates you though is betrayal. It's like he is building a whole new relationship which means more to him than yours.

Forgottenmypasswordagain · 10/07/2023 20:19

I imagine he doesn't have respect for your dp is he can't even be civil towards you! Your dp is not wraring his thinking cap!

Original poster

Bringonthesunforthewashing · 10/07/2023 20:51

Turnleftturnright · 10/07/2023 20:19

I get where you are coming from OP. It isn't about controlling who he speaks to. It is about the fact that he is supposed to be someone you confide in and trust with your life who is on your side.

By going out of his way to start a long term day to day working relationship and business with someone who seems to hate you is likely to create distance between you both.

It feels disloyal because it is. There is a difference if your partner happens to work with someone you don't get on with or one or their day to day friends isn't your biggest fan. To go out of their way to build something as big as a business with someone that hates you though is betrayal. It's like he is building a whole new relationship which means more to him than yours.

Thank you. That is exactly how I feel.

I feel conflicted because I know it is what he wants, but personally, I wouldn’t entertain the idea in the first place never mind be friendly with someone who treated him that way.

OP posts:

Original poster

Bringonthesunforthewashing · 10/07/2023 21:26

Any idea how to get him to see that?

OP posts:

Original poster

Bringonthesunforthewashing · 10/07/2023 22:48

Could anyone offer some advice please?

I am going out of my mind here

OP posts:

dancinggoosey · 10/07/2023 22:51

What happens when you explain this to your DP? Does he acknowledge this man is rude to you and take you seriously when you discuss it?

He sounds like he's got blinded by the potential £££

Hawkins0001 · 10/07/2023 22:52

Bringonthesunforthewashing · 10/07/2023 20:16

We have discussed at length the business plan.

his friend set up the business in 2021, found it ultimately very stressful and took 3 months off. Turned down big jobs because he couldn’t facilitate due to staff/stress.

Offered dp today a profit share (no idea at this point what that is).

Dp would be giving up a reliable job for this opportunity.

I think it’s a bad idea, dp is full of hope for a better future. On top of the rubbish business plan, tbh he has hurt my feelings the fact he even speaks to this man

"What is meant by profit-sharing?
profit sharing, system by which employees are paid a share of the net profits of the company that employs them, in accordance with a written formula defined in advance. Such payments, which may vary according to salary or wage, are distinct from and additional to regular earnings."

Basically your dp is taking one very large pickle of a chance

Original poster

Bringonthesunforthewashing · 10/07/2023 23:19

He would get a set hourly rate, plus a profit share.

I think the idea is a huge risk. Dp has rose tinted glasses on, yet another fantastic opportunity 😣.

I explained to him again tonight how his friend treats me, he doesn’t really say anything. I think he possibly thinks I am overreacting, not sure how he can when I have spelled it out.

I find it so hurtful, so disloyal. I am not sure why, but I really do.

We aren’t speaking and I have come to bed alone

OP posts:

Original poster

Bringonthesunforthewashing · 10/07/2023 23:20

Dp is self employed, so sub contracting permanently

OP posts:

SaltyCrisps · 10/07/2023 23:30

I'd feel the same as you, OP. It seems to me to be very disloyal. Hopefully you can explain to your husband how it makes you feel and hopefully he'll listen.

dancinggoosey · 10/07/2023 23:31

Is he expected to invest capital into the business?

PaintedEgg · 10/07/2023 23:34

There are multiple problems here

One is that you are right - this is disrespectful. He should not be associating with someone who is openly rude to his wife

Second issue is that if this friend is so open about being rude towards you then he clearly has little real respect for your husband. In general people are not rude to spouses of those they respect.

Third issues is that you are right and this business plan doesn't sound great. It sounds like a half-cooked idea that the friend couldn't pull off and is now looking for a sucker to do the hard work for him and if it doesn't work out your DH is left without stable job or money (maybe excluding the hourly rate assuming his friend does not end up sneaking his way out of it)

Original poster

Bringonthesunforthewashing · 10/07/2023 23:35

I have explained how I feel about it all, and the disloyalty. He said he would never do anything without me agreeing.

He does carry resentment, we aren’t speaking so that says a lot.

He isn’t expected to put any funds into the business

OP posts:

Original poster

Bringonthesunforthewashing · 10/07/2023 23:36

PaintedEgg · 10/07/2023 23:34

There are multiple problems here

One is that you are right - this is disrespectful. He should not be associating with someone who is openly rude to his wife

Second issue is that if this friend is so open about being rude towards you then he clearly has little real respect for your husband. In general people are not rude to spouses of those they respect.

Third issues is that you are right and this business plan doesn't sound great. It sounds like a half-cooked idea that the friend couldn't pull off and is now looking for a sucker to do the hard work for him and if it doesn't work out your DH is left without stable job or money (maybe excluding the hourly rate assuming his friend does not end up sneaking his way out of it)

Totally agree with everything you have said

OP posts:

Original poster

Bringonthesunforthewashing · 10/07/2023 23:39

All he can see is they are best friends from school. We have been together all these years, he isn’t or never has been in all the years we have been together a friend!

On the rare occasion we bump into him my dp is over the moon to see him. The friend is openly rude to me, dp seems to be oblivious to what is going on.

If he doesn’t go for this opportunity I know he will resent me.

If he does I don’t think I can forgive it. He shouldn’t need to have it explained to him he shouldn’t be considering it

OP posts:

RugbyMom123 · 10/07/2023 23:40

Fuck that. Start ups suck your soul out and more. It’s a 24/7 365 job and more. If the guy took 3 months off and couldn’t be bothered well he’s not invested.

Say you will only agree if your DP gets 51% of the business. Not some odd profit share, actual directors shares on companies house.

If it’s such a good idea why doesn’t he start his own. Because it doesn’t even sound like the other guy has done anything, your DP will be doing all the work anyway. And that’s 100% of the shares.

PaintedEgg · 10/07/2023 23:41

Bringonthesunforthewashing · 10/07/2023 23:35

I have explained how I feel about it all, and the disloyalty. He said he would never do anything without me agreeing.

He does carry resentment, we aren’t speaking so that says a lot.

He isn’t expected to put any funds into the business

I don't think he has a reason to feel any resentment - if anything, you should be the one feeling resentful. How is he ok with his wife being disrespected?

He should have never even considered this partnership as an option

also, its sounds more like hourly rate plus commission and not really a partnership, so im guessing his baseline earning wouldn't be that high and he is really just banking on the percentage profit