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Original poster

DH made a strange comment. Can I have some opinions on this please?

56 replies

Northasiasky · 10/07/2023 18:00

First time posting as I have no one to talk to about this.

DH and I have been together 12 years, married, 2DCs.

We were having a lovely lunch and a few drinks a few weeks ago. My DHs birthday is coming soon and I was asking if he could do anything for his birthday what he would do? He has been very busy at work recently and jokingly said "I would retire. No more Barcleys (company's name changed), no more blondie..."

I questioned it but he suddenly changed the conversation. Our children were around so I left it.

We discussed it later that day and he said that it's just a random comment and that he was drunk. I asked if there is OW at work but he said there is no one blonde at work.

I know I shouldn't have done it but checked his messages. I found some friendly (mostly work related) messages with one of his colleagues. She is blonde and very attractive. There is nothing to suggest cheating/affair. Although the messages are quite informal, emoji's etc.

He has never given me any reasons to think that he might be cheating. He is not secretive with his phone.

I am generally anxious and tend to overthink things. Am I paranoid? Am I overthinking this? I am really struggling and can't forget what he said.

OP posts:
InSpainTheRain · 10/07/2023 19:20

I think you've jumped to a conclusion here and it's the wrong one! As PP have said the reasons he wants to retire are things he wants to get rid off - i.e. no more work and no more interaction with this colleague. He was telling you the annoyances - not what he'd miss!

ButterCrackers · 10/07/2023 19:22

Sounds like he wants to get far away from work and his colleagues. He might call the lady you’ve identified as Blondie but he sounds like he doesn’t want to be working with her let alone anything more. Best is to talk to him about your concerns. Hopefully all is ok.

Original poster
Northasiasky · 10/07/2023 19:25

Daffodilwoman. I was thinking the same but he doesn't like talking about work. ( It has been the same for the last 15 years)I am the opposite. If there is someone annoying at work I usually can't stop talking about it.

OP posts:
Trees6 · 10/07/2023 19:27

It sounds disparaging to me, as if this blonde lady is someone he has to work with a lot, but doesn't really respect. She may well be annoying or lazy.

It could be that he has a crush on her but if that’s the case, it’s clear that he wants to distance himself rather than pursue an affair. A crush would be worrying, granted, but not as bad as infidelity. Anyway, I don’t think that this scenario is as likely as the “disrespect” one.

I agree that you should ask him to explain for your own peace of mind. Tell him that the blondie comment has been preying on your mind. Tell him that it’s statistically unlikely that there are no light-haired folk at work so you’ve been wondering who blondie is and why he said that. Don’t tell him that you’ve read his messages at this point.

catsnhats11 · 10/07/2023 19:36

Calling someone Blondie is not a compliment, you're overthinking it, unless you have other evidence or reason to think it's suspicious

newrubylane · 10/07/2023 19:38

Is he blonde? Could it be an annoying work nickname he gets?

Watchthedoormat · 10/07/2023 19:45

I think he changed the subject as he recognizes blondie is attractive and you may have felt insecure at him mentioning her but I don't get the impression he likes her- more that there's something about her he doesn't like.
Worst case scenario is that he has embarrassed himself in some way in front of Blondie and wishes he never had to see her again.🤔

Original poster
Northasiasky · 10/07/2023 19:50

No, he is not blonde.

OP posts:
WildUnchartedWaters · 10/07/2023 19:54

Strange one OP.

She obviously has some significance, as he's talking about her in quite a dismissive way.

It sounds as if she irritates him in some way, and that he's glad to be rid of her. But if you've never heard him say that before (for example, a friend of mine can't stand X at her work, and her husband knows fine well who X is!) it's odd.

Re the checking his phone, I'm not going to lecture you on that. But I think you should sit him down, tell him you looked and why you're worried. His response will be all you need to know.

Re the "random comment". He knows. He might not remember but he knows. If he loves and cares for you and your welfare, he'll ease your worries.

SayHi · 10/07/2023 20:32

Your relationship doesn’t sound that healthy.

He says one word and you check his messages because you think it must mean he’s cheating?!

I always have nicknames for the people who get on my nerves at work.
We have one woman who is very deceitful and infuriating (think timing our toilet breaks and noting the exact second we come in and leave work) and to deal with her we have a nickname, not a nasty one just one we can use when we’re venting and we don’t want other people knowing.

If my DP was listing the things he can’t wait to get away from, I would not start questioning him and looking through his phone thinking he’d been cheating.

This is all in your head and unless one of you have cheated before then it seems like a massive overreaction.

Daffodil18 · 10/07/2023 20:36

For everyone saying he doesn’t like her then how to you explain the messaging? How do you also explain that he said nobody blonde works there when he’s messaging a blonde work colleague?

I would say he’s got into something with her and wants out because he knows it’s wrong. This has been my experience.

Original poster
Northasiasky · 10/07/2023 21:02

Trees6 · 10/07/2023 19:27

It sounds disparaging to me, as if this blonde lady is someone he has to work with a lot, but doesn't really respect. She may well be annoying or lazy.

It could be that he has a crush on her but if that’s the case, it’s clear that he wants to distance himself rather than pursue an affair. A crush would be worrying, granted, but not as bad as infidelity. Anyway, I don’t think that this scenario is as likely as the “disrespect” one.

I agree that you should ask him to explain for your own peace of mind. Tell him that the blondie comment has been preying on your mind. Tell him that it’s statistically unlikely that there are no light-haired folk at work so you’ve been wondering who blondie is and why he said that. Don’t tell him that you’ve read his messages at this point.

Thank you for the advice. I haven't mentioned in my post but we have already spoken about it a few times. I did exactly what you suggested. I asked him to explain. I mentioned that I know that he works with that blonde lady. He reassured me that there is nothing to worry about. Of course he knows and I know that there will be blonde people in such a big company! Although he tried to minimise things a bit like only speaking for 15 mins a week. Then corrected himself that it's probably 30 mins. I think as someone already said he thinks it will make feel insecure.

OP posts:
MrsP20202 · 10/07/2023 21:09

Personally if the girl is annoying to him why has he got a WhatsApp chat with her? I agree with previous comment you need to have a chat with him you can tell when someone’s lying and how their body language is when confronting him. You have been together a long time you will know by his actions and if he avoids the chat then that’s your answer

Original poster
Northasiasky · 10/07/2023 21:09

SayHi · 10/07/2023 20:32

Your relationship doesn’t sound that healthy.

He says one word and you check his messages because you think it must mean he’s cheating?!

I always have nicknames for the people who get on my nerves at work.
We have one woman who is very deceitful and infuriating (think timing our toilet breaks and noting the exact second we come in and leave work) and to deal with her we have a nickname, not a nasty one just one we can use when we’re venting and we don’t want other people knowing.

If my DP was listing the things he can’t wait to get away from, I would not start questioning him and looking through his phone thinking he’d been cheating.

This is all in your head and unless one of you have cheated before then it seems like a massive overreaction.

Thank you. None of us cheated in the past but one of my close family members had an affair which doesn't help.

OP posts:
5128gap · 10/07/2023 21:25

If he's 50+ then I don't agree blondie would necessarily be disparaging. Older men use this as a complimentary nickname because it once was, and to them it still is.
I think something is afoot OP, as why deny the existence of someone you message? Either the woman gives him a hard time at work in some way, or he has a crush and he'd rather out of sight out of mind.

Original poster
Northasiasky · 10/07/2023 21:27

Daffodil18 · 10/07/2023 20:36

For everyone saying he doesn’t like her then how to you explain the messaging? How do you also explain that he said nobody blonde works there when he’s messaging a blonde work colleague?

I would say he’s got into something with her and wants out because he knows it’s wrong. This has been my experience.

Its not true that he doesn't like her. He reassured me that nothing is going on between them. They are just work colleagues. He also mentioned that he finds her funny and that she is doing a good job.

But he didn't explain who is that blonde in a comment. He said he doesn't know why he said it. He even mentioned once that it was me which I find strange. I think its definitely connected to his work.

It could be someone else from work he finds annoying and the blonde colleague has nothing to do with it.

Or maybe it was a random comment?

OP posts:
Original poster
Northasiasky · 10/07/2023 21:53

Carpediemmakeitcount · 10/07/2023 18:30

I think you are over thinking it and it's okay to feel a little jealous now and then.

Yes. It made me feel jealous. I am not a jealous person and I never been jealous in the past. I accidentally overheard one of their conversations (online when working from home) and I had this very strange feeling hearing them both laugh. Nothing was wrong with the conversation itself but it felt that they are close, have each other back etc. Difficult to explain. She might have been a bit flirty as well but difficult to tell.

OP posts:
Original poster
Northasiasky · 10/07/2023 21:54

ButterCrackers · 10/07/2023 19:22

Sounds like he wants to get far away from work and his colleagues. He might call the lady you’ve identified as Blondie but he sounds like he doesn’t want to be working with her let alone anything more. Best is to talk to him about your concerns. Hopefully all is ok.

Yes, he doesn't enjoy his work.

OP posts:
SoSadForCav · 10/07/2023 22:07

He's lying to you.

be firm, tell him to stop lying to you & no matter how much you might not like the answer, it's preferable to him lying, this is his last chance to stop lying about the Blondie comment becayse if he doesn't explain it, he's going to be sleeping at his mams until he finds a place if his own.

stop letting him treat you like a fool.

Eva6437 · 10/07/2023 22:12

I agree with others, it sounds like he would be glad to get rid of blondie just like he’d be glad to finish work.

PaintedEgg · 10/07/2023 22:32

JudgeRudy · 10/07/2023 19:01

Calling someone Blondie is dismissive? Really? If it was 'a blondie' I'd say that was neutral, if it was Debbie Harry Blondie I'd definitely take it as a compliment.

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in was thinking in context of saying things like "blondie from HR said...". Generally it doesn't indicate the person saying it is too fond of said blondie :P

JudgeRudy · 10/07/2023 23:36

PaintedEgg · 10/07/2023 22:32

in was thinking in context of saying things like "blondie from HR said...". Generally it doesn't indicate the person saying it is too fond of said blondie :P

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I don't see it that way. I worked with a guy called Fuzzy. He was well liked. My friend was often referred to as Ginge, she was well liked too. I wouldn't necessarily think of it as a term of endearment, purely a descriptor.

Pearlsaminga · 10/07/2023 23:43

Blondie is the queen of pop and very cool, it's only ever a compliment to my mind.

Johnisafckface · 10/07/2023 23:44

Pearlsaminga · 10/07/2023 18:15

Hmm, I think he was inadvertently thinking aloud, weighing up the pros & cons, ie I wont have to put up with terrible Barclays any more but that means I wont have the pleasure of gazing longingly at 'blondie'

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This is exactly how I read it as well.

Pearlsaminga · 10/07/2023 23:45

what you should do it start drooling over the hot bloke at work, call him ummm ... superman or something!

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