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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Is this ok?

33 replies

KillingMeWithSilence · 09/07/2023 20:29

Ok partner has moved in.

They get up, sit in their chair, stick earbuds in and play on their phone all day, except when at work, they work a split shit, very early & then mid afternoon

If i speak to them i generally dont get a response unless i ask again louder

They huff and puff and make that stung in the mouth by a wasp face if i ever ask them to do anything

They only ever do things on their schedule, so if i need a hand now I have to scry with the crystal ball to ensure i give them enough time to get used to idea (lighthearted but i hope you get the idea)

Everything feels like its too much effort, i get "i suppose i better do x thing"

If they do help out i get a list if what they have done. I asked the other day if they wanted a gold star. I couldnt stop myself

What bothers me the most is the silence, i feel so so lonely, i cant remember the last time we had a full on conversation.

I did ask him to leave the other day. He said "sorry ... alright" i said, no its not ok. But he has made no movements to pack & go

My friend says its abusive? I am not sure. My friend also thinks i should pack his bags, get my keys and leave their stuff on the doorstep. I am a coward really

How can i get rid, quietly and avoid confrontation. I would rather sit in a comfortabld space on my own that an uncomfortable one with company

OP posts:
TwilightSkies · 09/07/2023 20:32

Pack his stuff when he’s at work, leave it on the doorstep and change the locks.

SunflowerTed · 09/07/2023 20:33

TwilightSkies · 09/07/2023 20:32

Pack his stuff when he’s at work, leave it on the doorstep and change the locks.

Job done

NerrSnerr · 09/07/2023 20:33

Of course it's not ok. Does he pay his own way? Where was he living beforehand? (Assuming with another woman or his mum?)

NerrSnerr · 09/07/2023 20:34

I agree, just pack up his stuff. If he's going to lose his temper have someone be with you. If he causes a fuss call the police.

1980to1989 · 09/07/2023 20:35

He sounds like he's 10. Get rid yesterday Op!

Summerslimtime · 09/07/2023 20:36

Sounds like he just needed somewhere to live- is that right?

Yeah just leave his stuff outside and text him when he's at work.

GlitterSquid · 09/07/2023 20:38

Oh, absolutely not.

Westcoastwoman · 09/07/2023 20:39

My friend also thinks i should pack his bags, get my keys and leave their stuff on the doorstep.

This is sound advice, please do it ASAP.

Jongleterre · 09/07/2023 20:39

A houseplant would be more interesting to live with!

Tell him you've had enough of his feebleness and he can go and plonk himself down in someone else's home. Pronto.

KillingMeWithSilence · 09/07/2023 20:43

Sorry everyone, hate to dripfeed but i should have mentioned...

He takes my car to work & back, he doesnt have his own. So if i packed his bags & left them on the doorstep theres a risk he would nick off with the car... i could report it stolen i suppose

Someone asked if he paid his way. Short answer no, he fills up the car so he can go to work & back, but thats it, everything else is on me& he's a greedy sod with food.

OP posts:
thesnailandthewhale · 09/07/2023 20:45

So he gets free rent and food and a car to borrow, what exactly do you get out of this apart from inconvenience and higher bills? Chuck this one back x

KillingMeWithSilence · 09/07/2023 20:47

thesnailandthewhale · 09/07/2023 20:45

So he gets free rent and food and a car to borrow, what exactly do you get out of this apart from inconvenience and higher bills? Chuck this one back x

Good point, i get nothing at all.

OP posts:
Jongleterre · 09/07/2023 20:47

Is he likely to be volatile if you say you want him to leave?

KillingMeWithSilence · 09/07/2023 20:49

lighthearted

Its his birthday tomorrow... if i leave his bags on the doorstep i can pin "happy birthday" to them with a "push the keys though the letterbox pleas

Or have my soms dad stood out there looking all bouncer like

OP posts:
ThreadExterminator · 09/07/2023 20:52

I'd tell him he needs to take a taxi to work tomorrow. Then change the locks and put his stuff out for him to collect. If you're worried he'll turn nasty, make sure you have someone with you when you come home and overnight tomorrow.

Sunnydaysarentagiveneveninjuly · 09/07/2023 20:54

Get rid ASAP. You have a good friend.. And a shite bf..

Greengrassoh · 09/07/2023 20:55

Tell him you need the car tomorrow. Sub him a taxi if you need to. Pack his stuff, leave outside.

Aquamarine1029 · 09/07/2023 20:57

Fucking HELL, op. You must want more for yourself than this shitbag of a man and sham of a relationship? Get rid of this loser immediately and get help to figure out why you would have ever dated him in the first place.

Kick him out right now. Don't wait another minute. Where he goes is not your fucking problem.

PinocchiosWife · 09/07/2023 20:57

My stbxh didn't do this at first. However after 5 years and children he now does exactly this. Get rid.

oviraptor21 · 09/07/2023 21:00

If necessary, can you travel to his work separately and pick up your car and drive it home?

Pinkbonbon · 09/07/2023 21:07

So he sponges off you and is a nightmare to be around? Fuck that.

Tell him to pack his bags and fuck off.
If he wont go then yeah, change the locks when he's out and drop his stuff round his parents or something.

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 09/07/2023 21:10

KillingMeWithSilence · 09/07/2023 20:49

lighthearted

Its his birthday tomorrow... if i leave his bags on the doorstep i can pin "happy birthday" to them with a "push the keys though the letterbox pleas

Or have my soms dad stood out there looking all bouncer like

Yes I would have someone there with you when you ask him to leave. Sons dad would love to do it I'm sure 🤣🤣

Well done you for realising you deserve better. Don't let him move back in - if he really loves you he'll respect this boundary and work on the relationship from his new accommodation x

KillingMeWithSilence · 16/07/2023 02:08

He's gone... that is all

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 16/07/2023 02:20

KillingMeWithSilence · 16/07/2023 02:08

He's gone... that is all

Thank fuck. Change the locks and block him on everything.

This is the best thing that's ever happened to you.

HerAvatar · 16/07/2023 03:02

Well done OP! How was it, did he go quietly?

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