Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Why does this always happen to me?

36 replies

princesscaraboo · 08/07/2023 20:24

My heart is fucking breaking right now. I've found that my partner has been messaging another woman again after he promised that he wouldn't.
I'm hundreds of miles from home and at a wedding and trying to keep it together and just feel like crying my eyes out. I don't know anyone here.
I just want to leave but I can't as he's got to drive me home tomorrow. I'm dreading it.

OP posts:
Callyem · 08/07/2023 20:30

I really feel for you - are you staying in a hotel? Can you leave and go back to your room?

Sillybillyhilly · 08/07/2023 20:33

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Original poster
princesscaraboo · 08/07/2023 20:37

Callyem · 08/07/2023 20:30

I really feel for you - are you staying in a hotel? Can you leave and go back to your room?

I think I might. I don't know anyone here.

OP posts:
Callyem · 08/07/2023 20:40

Do it, at least then you can cry without feeling the need to keep it together xx

Eva6437 · 08/07/2023 20:45

princesscaraboo · 08/07/2023 20:24

My heart is fucking breaking right now. I've found that my partner has been messaging another woman again after he promised that he wouldn't.
I'm hundreds of miles from home and at a wedding and trying to keep it together and just feel like crying my eyes out. I don't know anyone here.
I just want to leave but I can't as he's got to drive me home tomorrow. I'm dreading it.

Take public transport to get out of there ASAP. You don’t need him so start by not relying on him to take you home.

once a cheater, always a cheater- sorry this has happened to you. No one deserves this.

Original poster
princesscaraboo · 08/07/2023 20:46

I was so stupid to believe that he wouldn't do it again. So angry that I believed him.

OP posts:
PaigeMatthews · 08/07/2023 20:46

princesscaraboo · 08/07/2023 20:37

I think I might. I don't know anyone here.

Show quote history

Definitely leave the wedding. Think carefully about continuing with him.

PaigeMatthews · 08/07/2023 20:47

princesscaraboo · 08/07/2023 20:46

I was so stupid to believe that he wouldn't do it again. So angry that I believed him.

Dont be angry at yourself. You gave him a chance. He chose to behave bad’y. Now he goes.

Starseeking · 08/07/2023 20:50

I would leave the wedding and go home now. Don't rely on him for anything.

Take some time to grieve the relationship, then reflect on why you overlooked his previous inappropriate behaviour, and possibly did the same in other relationships (given you mentioned this always happening to you).

pictoosh · 08/07/2023 20:51

Oh leave and go back to your hotel. You're in no fit state to socialise at a wedding where you don't know a soul. I'm so sorry this has happened.

Whattodowithit88 · 08/07/2023 20:53

Play it cool until your home then completely ghost him.

Dont let him fool you a third time. X

Original poster
princesscaraboo · 08/07/2023 20:59

Whattodowithit88 · 08/07/2023 20:53

Play it cool until your home then completely ghost him.

Dont let him fool you a third time. X

I'm thinking this might be the best option at the moment

OP posts:
Circumferences · 08/07/2023 21:00

What do you mean "always happens"?
Does he have form for this or have previous relationships gone this way?
That's shitty. Blokes can be really shitty.

Original poster
princesscaraboo · 08/07/2023 21:14

Circumferences · 08/07/2023 21:00

What do you mean "always happens"?
Does he have form for this or have previous relationships gone this way?
That's shitty. Blokes can be really shitty.

2nd long-term relationship that I've been cheated on. 3rd if you count my first relationship when I was a teen. I bend over backwards to give them all that they want and I get trodden all over.

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 08/07/2023 21:17

I bend over backwards to give them all that they want and I get trodden all over.

And that is a massive, massive part of your problem. Along with choosing very poorly. No decent, mature man wants a woman who puts them on a pedestal.

Get rid of this loser and focus on yourself for a while.

Wouldyou77 · 08/07/2023 21:40

OP, I’m so sorry. It’s not just you.

I would say most men do this in some way or another. I have many guy friends, some from school or university. Considered the more decent of blokes, always been in commuted relationships etc. All of them, except for one, have msged other women, gone on dating apps etc behind their partners backs.

it’s taken years for some of them to share this with me. Most do it for an ego boost and are happy with their partners.

It’s taken me until middle age to realise this about men.

I hope this doesn’t normalise his behaviour or make you feel worse.

I just don’t want you to blame yourself. You aren’t responsible for his behaviour.

Dery · 08/07/2023 21:59

“I bend over backwards to give them all that they want and I get trodden all over.

And that is a massive, massive part of your problem. Along with choosing very poorly. No decent, mature man wants a woman who puts them on a pedestal.

Get rid of this loser and focus on yourself for a while.”

This with bells on.

Original poster
princesscaraboo · 08/07/2023 22:15

Wouldyou77 · 08/07/2023 21:40

OP, I’m so sorry. It’s not just you.

I would say most men do this in some way or another. I have many guy friends, some from school or university. Considered the more decent of blokes, always been in commuted relationships etc. All of them, except for one, have msged other women, gone on dating apps etc behind their partners backs.

it’s taken years for some of them to share this with me. Most do it for an ego boost and are happy with their partners.

It’s taken me until middle age to realise this about men.

I hope this doesn’t normalise his behaviour or make you feel worse.

I just don’t want you to blame yourself. You aren’t responsible for his behaviour.

Thank you. I just can't believe that it's happened again. I know it's just messaging and not more like before (with my ex-h) but it's hurting even more.

OP posts:
Wouldyou77 · 08/07/2023 22:54

Take deep breaths. You’ll be ok. It’s a shock as you’ve just found out and need to process. Of course it’s going to hurt.

Does he know, you know?

Have you left the wedding or will you stay?

Sending you a hug x

Original poster
princesscaraboo · 08/07/2023 23:17

Thank you. I'm still here. I'm staying together for the sake of his ds.

OP posts:
Wouldyou77 · 08/07/2023 23:36

Hang in there x

Starseeking · 08/07/2023 23:43

I bend over backwards to give them all that they want and I get trodden all over.

Do not do this ever again in a relationship; it's not a healthy dynamic, as you've found to your cost.

I couldn't see where you've said that these men are doing the same for you, so I'm guessing they're not.

What these men ARE doing is taking advantage of your good nature and willingness to please. That situation will never end well for you, as they'll trample all over your boundaries to see how far they can push you. It's up to you to set them straight.

AgentJohnson · 09/07/2023 07:06

I'm staying together for the sake of his ds.

No you’re not, you’ve staying because despite evidence to the contrary you are desperate for him to be someone he isn’t. What’s your strategy for the inevitable next time? Staying for a child sounds very noble but staying, especially when you don’t have PR for said child is silly because you could loose them anyway.

PaigeMatthews · 09/07/2023 11:48

princesscaraboo · 08/07/2023 23:17

Thank you. I'm still here. I'm staying together for the sake of his ds.

Why? How does that help in any way?

UneasyMe · 09/07/2023 12:33

PaigeMatthews · 09/07/2023 11:48

Why? How does that help in any way?

Show quote history

I read that as she’s staying at the wedding for the sake of his DS, not staying in the relationship. OP, I hope you’re doing ok today. Hang in there. Life will be good again.