Why does this always happen to me?

[princesscaraboo]

My heart is fucking breaking right now. I've found that my partner has been messaging another woman again after he promised that he wouldn't.
I'm hundreds of miles from home and at a wedding and trying to keep it together and just feel like crying my eyes out. I don't know anyone here.
I just want to leave but I can't as he's got to drive me home tomorrow. I'm dreading it.

Stop bending over backwards to please someone. That's not how good relationships work.

In a healthy relationship, you're a good match from the start, naturally. So neither of you has to make a huge effort to 'please' the other. You like each other FOR WHO YOU ARE. No pretence, no trying to impress, no pretending you're something you're not. No trying to be the perfect gf.

If you're a good match, you like each other exactly as you are. If you have to bend yourself to please them, you're with the wrong person.

Plus, people rarely respect people who act as doormats.

You need a partner to see you as their true equal. To respect you as their equal. To put the same amount of effort in to the relationship. To value you FOR WHO YOU ARE. Without all of that, the r'ship will be unequal and will never work.

You can't stay with someone for the sake of their child.

I really hope you meant you were staying at the wedding and not staying in a relationship with this man.

You have basically given him the green light to shit all over you otherwise. He will continue to cheat, and you will continue to forgive him. He doesn’t respect you because you don’t respect yourself. Is this really how you want to spend your life?

Post again next time it happens, because it will. Maybe then you’ll be ready to leave and we’ll help you.

So I stayed at the wedding as I couldn't just walk out and leave a child there.

Ended up driving home with him as trains were horrendously expensive and no flights until tomorrow and I needed to be in work today.

I know for sure that it's just messaging, but still the trust is gone. I'm always going to have that doubt now.

Apart from this he has been the best partner. I'm so angry and hurt. I feel like it must be a man thing, they all seem to do it. I said to him that its cheating but he said that he hadn't met her and wasn't intending to - it's like they don't understand that it's still cheating.

You werent leaving a child abandoned. He was with his father.

you dont know anything for sure.

It isnt a man thing. It is a shitty man thing.

To get this correct, you went to a wedding with your partner’s son? You don’t know anyone there but I’m assuming somehow your partner does. While you were there in the capacity of representing what you thought was your family unit, your not so dear partner was messaging someone else at home? Or he was with you and he was still messaging someone else? Or you’ve come across messages that he’s sent someone else whilst both of you were at a wedding? I’m slightly confused as to why it was your responsibility to drive his son home unless your partner wasn’t there or wasn’t able to drive.

Regardless of all that, it was wrong of him for him to be unfaithful and betray your trust. Messaging someone else whilst being a committed relationship, despite not having any intention to meet is still unfaithful and is also disrespectful to you and would probably count as an emotional affair depending on how long it’s been going on.

@princesscaraboo You need to end the relationship, take some time out and work on building your self-confidence. You’ll get through this and come out of it even stronger.

Am I right in thinking this isn’t the first time?

You’re clearly going to stay with him, so prepare yourself for the fact it won’t be the last time either. Whether he physically cheats or not is irrelevant - he’s humiliating you and does not have one bit of respect for you or your relationship. Great man?!

I’d rather be single thanks.

I said to him that its cheating but he said that he hadn't met her and wasn't intending to - it's like they don't understand that it's still cheating.

They'd understand if it was being done to them.

Selfishness, lack of empathy, piss taking, double standards, hypocrisy, low integrity etc are not "not understanding". They don't want to understand.

If messaging other people as long as you haven't met up with them and don't intend to isn't cheating (or at the very least totally inappropriate) he won't mind if you do it too, right??

You dont know its just messaging! My ex used to say"its only a message",he was a very convincing liar! Dont believe him op x

I said to him that its cheating but he said that he hadn't met her and wasn't intending to - it's like they don't understand that it's still cheating.

They do understand. They just play dumb and pretend they think it wasn't cheating and hope that their partners fall for it