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Original poster

Disparity in my relationship

44 replies

unknownguy · 07/07/2023 16:33

So my girlfriend and I have been together for 2 years now and we've taken a few trips together. We're both into fitness and hit the gym few times a week. Over the past year she's been drinking less alcohol since it makes her lazy the next day which I completely understand. We're not heavy drinkers but whenever we go on trips I feel like I always wanna bar hop or take shots and get tipsy since we're on vacation and we don't have to worry about going home or driving etc.

In the coming months my girlfriend is going on a girls only trip and I feel some type of way about it. She always drinks more with her girls and takes shots and does all these things that I love to do with her every now and then. I don't ask her to do all this with me every date night but I feel on a vacation she should "party" with me the way she does with her friends. Even when they go out for a girl's night out, she will drink with them a lot more than me. Ive called her out on it couple times and her response was that it's a different dynamic when she's out with her girls vs me. She said trips with her and I are more "relaxed" and she gets to enjoy the peaceful time with me but trips with her girls is more hype and she'll partake in drinking and taking shots (even though she hates taking shots).

I've been patient since I've first brought this up to her but we've taken couple trips since then and she'll have few drinks during the day with me but ultimately she'll always stop at a point or say no to shots. Even if it's in the middle of the day and just ONE shot. But she just told me earlier this week that she will take few shots on this trip cause it's the dynamic she's around with a bunch of girls.

Am I wrong to feel a type of way about this? I'm not sure what else to do. I'm not asking her to get wild every time we go out, but it would be so nice for her to do those things with me every once in a while. I feel like there is so much hypocrisy from her.

OP posts:
LadyJ2023 · 07/07/2023 16:35

Sound controlling to me as how I am with mates and how I am with hubby are to different scenarios. If she's happy either way in either situation then you the one with a problem nothings stopping you drinking. Bit weird to get into a tizz over it

Original poster
unknownguy · 07/07/2023 16:37

LadyJ2023 · 07/07/2023 16:35

Sound controlling to me as how I am with mates and how I am with hubby are to different scenarios. If she's happy either way in either situation then you the one with a problem nothings stopping you drinking. Bit weird to get into a tizz over it

How is it controlling if I'm asking for us to do those things together once in a while?

OP posts:
Watchkeys · 07/07/2023 16:39

I feel on a vacation she should "party" with me the way she does with her friends

You feel she should do what you want her to do, rather than what she wants to do herself, and you can't see how that's controlling?

SpringleDingle · 07/07/2023 16:41

It’s not ok to be upset because someone consume alcohol with you. You might have a right to be a bit unhappy if clubbing was always your thing but she no longer wants to but her not drinking doesn’t stop you drinking and she shouldn’t have to drink if she doesn’t want to!

Original poster
unknownguy · 07/07/2023 16:43

I just didn't have a way to describe it that's why I said party like that. I guess I just want to experience that side of her where for a change, I get to take care of her cause she's had too much to drink.

OP posts:
CatsSnore · 07/07/2023 16:47

I understand OP. It's like you don't get to see the fun and wild side anymore! I'd feel left out!

I don't think you're being U to want to let your hair down properly with your gf a few times a year. She's also not being U to not want too.

Maybe you just have to accept that's how she is and go out with your mates/holiday with your mates a bit more to get that need met.

Original poster
unknownguy · 07/07/2023 17:22

CatsSnore · 07/07/2023 16:47

I understand OP. It's like you don't get to see the fun and wild side anymore! I'd feel left out!

I don't think you're being U to want to let your hair down properly with your gf a few times a year. She's also not being U to not want too.

Maybe you just have to accept that's how she is and go out with your mates/holiday with your mates a bit more to get that need met.

Basically what I'm trying to say. I just feel there is no balance between always relaxing with me vs getting wild. And it'd be nice to not always do that with my buddies

OP posts:
Watchkeys · 07/07/2023 17:28

If you've told her that it's something you'd like to do together, but she doesn't want to, that's her prerogative. You're basically saying you want her to be different from how she is. How important is it to you that she gets drunk enough that she needs you to 'take care of her'? What sort of care would it be, since needing it would mean incapacitating herself? How can you say you care for her when you want her to do something that she herself feels isn't good for her?

Gytgyt · 07/07/2023 17:38

What someone else drinks isn't your business OP. Don't ruin a good thing.

TwilightSkies · 07/07/2023 17:43

Maybe you aren’t a nice fun drunk.

Unananana · 07/07/2023 17:46

Its pretty weird and creepy that you want her to get in a state so you can 'take care' of her. Sounds predatory to me.

She can drink what she likes, with who she likes. Not sure why you think you would get a say in that?

Mumoftwoinprimary · 07/07/2023 17:47

Unananana · 07/07/2023 17:46

Its pretty weird and creepy that you want her to get in a state so you can 'take care' of her. Sounds predatory to me.

She can drink what she likes, with who she likes. Not sure why you think you would get a say in that?

Yep - that is ringing alarm bells with me. What exactly do you want to do when she is too drunk to stop you?

getafringenotbotox · 07/07/2023 17:56

I don't like drinking with my husband because he gets on my nerves when he's had a drink and if I've had a drink I have reduced patience for his nonsense.

I like drinking with my friends because it is a different vibe isn't it.

Watchkeys · 07/07/2023 17:57

TwilightSkies · 07/07/2023 17:43

Maybe you aren’t a nice fun drunk.

I think that generally speaking women don't like to get drunk with men who actively want them to get incapacitated, regardless of what kind of drunk he is.

Pinkbonbon · 07/07/2023 18:14

Hypocrisy...

Is such a contemptuous word.

I wouldn't want to drink around someone with such animosity towards me either.

Contempt has entered your relationship. It's over. Or it should be.

TomatoSandwiches · 07/07/2023 18:21

I have absolutely no idea why anyone would be bothered by someone not drinking to excess, why would you want her to do something she doesn't want to do?
You do sound weird and predatory perhaps just immature, not sure which but you and your attitude are definitely the problem, leave her alone.

CatsSnore · 07/07/2023 18:37

There was a thread a while ago with a wife who posted that her dh had stopped drinking and they couldn't share the same things on the same wavelength once he stopped drinking. No one said she was predatory. It was fairly split.

I wouldn't like to be with a sober person. I am not a heavy drinker but I enjoy going for cocktails, I enjoy pints in the sun. Alcohol is fun. Taking that out of your relationship when you had it before does change things. The OP is allowed to be a bit annoyed about it.

LadyLardy · 07/07/2023 18:41

I guess I just want to experience that side of her where for a change, I get to take care of her cause she's had too much to drink.

This is weird, creepy and I wonder why she's with you at all. I couldn't stand being with someone who actively wanted me to be doing shots and getting pissed when I was with them and was annoyed that I didn't want to. You sound really odd, OP. And controlling.

Unananana · 07/07/2023 18:55

CatsSnore · 07/07/2023 18:37

There was a thread a while ago with a wife who posted that her dh had stopped drinking and they couldn't share the same things on the same wavelength once he stopped drinking. No one said she was predatory. It was fairly split.

I wouldn't like to be with a sober person. I am not a heavy drinker but I enjoy going for cocktails, I enjoy pints in the sun. Alcohol is fun. Taking that out of your relationship when you had it before does change things. The OP is allowed to be a bit annoyed about it.

The sex of the people involved doesn't matter, it still sounds predatory.

And no, they can't be annoyed about their partner deciding when and how they would like to drink. Thats ridiculous. They can make a choice if they want to stay in a relationship with a partner that drinks in a certain manner, but they have zero control or say in it.

WtP · 07/07/2023 19:07

" I guess I just want to experience that side of her where for a change, I get to take care of her cause she's had too much to drink."

That is a strange desire! I'm not sure I would want to be with someone who needed to experience that, no actually I just wouldn't want to be with them.

I like a drink as much as most people but the idea of getting so wasted that you need help & care is weird?

WhoToBeToday · 07/07/2023 19:18

Maybe she feels safe getting drunk with her friends but does not feel safe getting drunk with you?

Original poster
unknownguy · 07/07/2023 20:17

Unananana · 07/07/2023 18:55

The sex of the people involved doesn't matter, it still sounds predatory.

And no, they can't be annoyed about their partner deciding when and how they would like to drink. Thats ridiculous. They can make a choice if they want to stay in a relationship with a partner that drinks in a certain manner, but they have zero control or say in it.

Show quote history

Literally nobody is controlling anything lil bro. Weird how you're only stuck on that part. She has her fun with her girls and on her trips which is great. The fact that I'm asking to also go dancing/or bar hopping ONCE IN A WHILE that doesn't involve my buddies, it's clearly going off top y'all heads

OP posts:
strawberry2017 · 07/07/2023 20:19

With her mates there's probably more peer pressure to join in, if they places they are meeting up she might find them t harder to say no to/
This says a lot to me because to me it sounds like she's more comfortable with you then them. She can relax with you without having to drink. She can enjoy her time with you without alcohol.

Original poster
unknownguy · 07/07/2023 20:21

strawberry2017 · 07/07/2023 20:19

With her mates there's probably more peer pressure to join in, if they places they are meeting up she might find them t harder to say no to/
This says a lot to me because to me it sounds like she's more comfortable with you then them. She can relax with you without having to drink. She can enjoy her time with you without alcohol.

And she said that which I'm glad she feels like she can be herself around me, I guess I'm just asking for too much then. I just wanted to know if I'm right in feeling a little upset that we don't get to experience those things together unless we're in a group

OP posts:
INeedAnotherName · 07/07/2023 20:27

She doesn't want to drink with you. Respect her choice. I'm also going with other pp, you aren't pleasant to be around when you've had a few.