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Relationships

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Original poster

Disparity in my relationship

44 replies

unknownguy · 07/07/2023 16:33

So my girlfriend and I have been together for 2 years now and we've taken a few trips together. We're both into fitness and hit the gym few times a week. Over the past year she's been drinking less alcohol since it makes her lazy the next day which I completely understand. We're not heavy drinkers but whenever we go on trips I feel like I always wanna bar hop or take shots and get tipsy since we're on vacation and we don't have to worry about going home or driving etc.

In the coming months my girlfriend is going on a girls only trip and I feel some type of way about it. She always drinks more with her girls and takes shots and does all these things that I love to do with her every now and then. I don't ask her to do all this with me every date night but I feel on a vacation she should "party" with me the way she does with her friends. Even when they go out for a girl's night out, she will drink with them a lot more than me. Ive called her out on it couple times and her response was that it's a different dynamic when she's out with her girls vs me. She said trips with her and I are more "relaxed" and she gets to enjoy the peaceful time with me but trips with her girls is more hype and she'll partake in drinking and taking shots (even though she hates taking shots).

I've been patient since I've first brought this up to her but we've taken couple trips since then and she'll have few drinks during the day with me but ultimately she'll always stop at a point or say no to shots. Even if it's in the middle of the day and just ONE shot. But she just told me earlier this week that she will take few shots on this trip cause it's the dynamic she's around with a bunch of girls.

Am I wrong to feel a type of way about this? I'm not sure what else to do. I'm not asking her to get wild every time we go out, but it would be so nice for her to do those things with me every once in a while. I feel like there is so much hypocrisy from her.

OP posts:

Unananana · 07/07/2023 20:30

unknownguy · 07/07/2023 20:17

Literally nobody is controlling anything lil bro. Weird how you're only stuck on that part. She has her fun with her girls and on her trips which is great. The fact that I'm asking to also go dancing/or bar hopping ONCE IN A WHILE that doesn't involve my buddies, it's clearly going off top y'all heads

Show quote history

'lil bro'? 🤣

Aww. Did you break up from school early this year?

Apparently I and others who agree that you sound creepy touched a nerve. You sound ridiculous. She can do what she likes.

cracktheshutters · 07/07/2023 20:33

strawberry2017 · 07/07/2023 20:19

With her mates there's probably more peer pressure to join in, if they places they are meeting up she might find them t harder to say no to/
This says a lot to me because to me it sounds like she's more comfortable with you then them. She can relax with you without having to drink. She can enjoy her time with you without alcohol.

I was thinking this, as it’s how I would feel around DH, I also agree with PP though that this isn’t something to be upset about. Maybe she values her days off with you more and doesn’t want to spend days ill?

INeedAnotherName · 07/07/2023 21:03

I saw that too @Unananana No wonder she doesn't want to drink alcohol around him. Wonder what he calls her when she says no.

TomatoSandwiches · 07/07/2023 21:42

Saying you want to take care of her when she is drunk contradicts you saying you want to experience this drunken state together, you can't take care of her if you are equally shit faced so which one is it?

Willing to put money on you wanting her much more drunk than yourself so you can take advantage.

Grendell · 08/07/2023 00:15

You might not be right for each other.

SquirrelSoShiny · 08/07/2023 00:20

Ewwww. Eww. Ewwww. No.

You wanting her drunk so you can 'take care of her'. 🤢🤢🤢 This sounds like creep speak tbh. Urgh.

Tinkerbyebye · 08/07/2023 03:14

How old are you? 2?

you need to grow up. How sad you need her to get ‘tipsy’ with you

Aquamarine1029 · 08/07/2023 03:30

I bet you make a real tit of yourself when you're drunk.

Dotcheck · 08/07/2023 03:42

OP - every post is about you, what you want, how much you want her to drink, that you want to ‘look after her’.
She has TOLD you it’s peer pressure which sweeps her up when she’s out with friends. She’s TOLD you alcohol makes her lazy the next day. Perhaps she wants to have energy during the day when she’s on vacation to do more interesting things than nurse a hangover?

But somehow it’s everyone else’s comprehension which is a problem?

Newnamehiwhodis · 08/07/2023 03:49

what part of No do you not understand?
she doesn’t want to. Leave her the f*ck alone.

P1ckledonionz · 08/07/2023 04:01

Yes, you've got it right - you are asking too much wanting her to drink alcohol for your benefit and enjoyment when she is saying she doesn't want to.

Expecting her to do that for your pleasure and enjoyment because YOU want her to override what she wants to do with her own body, is controlling.

Think of her as though she is a separate human being who makes her own choices about what she does with her own body. Just like it is also not ok for someone to hassle or pressure you to drink alcohol or take drugs if you don't want to, she has the same right not to be pressured.

You are free to end the relationship if it is more important for you to have a girlfriend who will drink alcohol with you 1:1, but it's not okay to pressure, coerce or bully your partner into doing what you want when they don't want to do it. You ought to either accept her decision graciously and leave her be, or end the relationship.

Constantly going on about it, not letting the topic go, giving her the silent treatment - these are forms of emotional abuse when you continue to use them to punish a partner because you are unhappy with the decision she has made for herself.

MaxTalk · 08/07/2023 07:08

Sounds like she likes to have some fun with her mates.

yellowsmileyface · 08/07/2023 07:24

I feel on a vacation she should "party" with me the way she does with her friends

"Should" is a funny old word. Who dictates that she should? You? Or some unwritten code of conduct for relationships? Think about where that expectation is coming from and if it is, in fact, reasonable.

Essentially, it's shakey ground to feel upset that someone isn't drinking alcohol. I can understand wanting to party together every once in a while, but ultimately if she doesn't want to do that with you, you have two choices. Accept it, or break up. It certainly isn't something she owes to you. It isn't something she "should" do.

Seaoftroubles · 08/07/2023 10:19

You sound very immature O.P. 'Lil bro'... seriously? What she does when she's with her girlfriends is really none of your business. Also when she's with you it's up to her if she wants to to drink less without you pressuring her. For you to want her to be incapacitated to the pont of needing you to' look after her' sounds very weird and honestly quite creepy.

PaintedEgg · 08/07/2023 10:31

to put it bluntly - perhaps you're not that fun / comfortable to drink with. If she normally does not drink the feeling "meh" for a sake of getting drunk in company that is not fun to drink with is a no win scenario.

YetMoreNewBeginnings · 08/07/2023 10:39

Why would you want your partner - someone you’re meant to care about - to do something she doesn’t want to do?

Whats fun or attractive or even amusing in that?

Watchkeys · 08/07/2023 10:43

It's really not. It's like saying 'We have a great relationship but sometimes I hit her', and then getting yourself in a tiz because people get 'stuck on' the hitting part.

It's perfectly obvious why she doesn't want to drink with you. You want to be 'the man' looking after his ;little girl' because she needs him to. It's for your ego. It's pathetic. No woman will want to drink with a manboy who wants her helplessness. It's all about you, and nothing about her and what she is openly telling you that she wants.

Why do you not respect what she tells you she wants? That's what's controlling. It's about what you want, not what she wants.

Zanatdy · 08/07/2023 15:59

Is this because she lowers her inhibitions sexually when drunk?

Gytgyt · 08/07/2023 20:36

Seaoftroubles · 08/07/2023 10:19

I think its a troll. I've never heard of that slang on MN before "lil bro" 😳

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