Adult son, intimidation and verbal abuse

[morethanspice]

I’ve posted previously about my son, and sad to say the behaviour has escaped. Yesterday he got very angry when I told him he was not allowed to take my elderly frail dog to visit his father (my abusive ex) He started shouting and telling me I was mental and belonged in an institution and accused me off smirking when I tried to say his behaviour wasn’t acceptable. He then forced me out of the kitchen and slammed the door ordered me to leave
please don’t say talk when he’s calm. It’s impossible as he has zero respect for me. Learned from his father, he’s even got the same intimidating mannerisms
I don’t know how to proceed. It’s my home. He insisted on coming when we had to leave our family home

ask him to leave and if he refuses get the police to remove him. He’s an adult. He can go stay with his dad or with mates or independently

I know this post was from last summer but I’ve just read it and can totally empathise with you.
I actually ended up in a womens refuge for a year because of the emotional, verbal abuse I kept receiving off my Adult Son.
He would do the same to me.
It took me 3yrs to realise my Son was abusing me daily as he’d worn me down SO much I believed it was my fault.
In the end I had to kick him out of the house and although I was terrified of him being homeless it was the best thing I’ve ever done.
I grew stronger and put firm boundaries in place over the years.
I have my peace back.
i really hope and pray you found the strength to remove him from your home for good and things have improved for you hun?

I’ve never posted on any site before about my life. I’m 50 years old, married and still have 2 adult sons at home. I am disabled, have several health conditions which affect my day to day life.
I am a survivor of abuse in its many forms. For the last 2 years my 21 year old son has put me through tremendous pressure. I will call it for what it is ABUSE! He tries to exhort his authority over me and thinks he can do what he likes in MY home. It’s put a rift between my husband and I as he causes division between us. He’s been doing this since a child. This week he smashed up a chair and damaged my laminate flooring. I told him I would call the police as I just cannot take anymore! He accuses me of being a narcissist & calls me a lunatic! He disrespects me and degrades me daily. His dad says he won’t choose between me HIS WIFE (me) and our 21 year old son! He minimises our son’s behaviour as part of growing up! It’s just not okay for me to be subjected to this abuse. I’m at my wits end and feel so isolated! I’m not a well woman and all I want is peace. If I get an order or call the police my marriage will fall apart! If I don’t I will fall apart! My husband says our son is more than welcome to come home? He currently at his girlfriend’s house! Been there a couple of days. My husband is not protecting me at all what am I to do?

He has got to go - he can do a flat share to begin with - give him one month to sort himself out. Your poor daughter x

Hi, you need to start your own thread and then you will get some responses.

Please ring us at womens aid for support and advice. We arent just here for spousal abuse but abuse from anyone close to you

Im am SO sorry to hear you are going through this hell lovely you really don’t deserve it!
I’m 56 now but went through the exact same thing with my son who’s 25 now. I’m also disabled and have many chronic illnesses and my son used to be really abuse me mentally calling me a f spastic etc etc ( even though you would never know looking at me I have Spina Bifida and damaged spinal cord which causes chronic pain) He smashed my house up SO many times it was wrecked and the abuse was just horrific! Many times I had to be brave and call the police and my house was actually red flagged because of the abuse.
i had no support off my husband at all and I gave him an ultimate that it was either he made our son leave or I leave.
but he said he couldn’t put our son ( who was 18 then) out on the streets as he feared he would end up dead.
in the end I had enough and I rang a helpline for domestic abuse and within 2days I was packed up ready to be taken to a safe place in refuge.
my husband and son didn’t believe me when I told them I was serious about leaving and they were extremely shocked but it was the best thing I’ve ever done and I lived in the refuge for 8months while they helped put me back together as I was totally broken!
my husband begged me to come home the whole time I was there but I said only on the condition our son was never allowed back into the house again and this time my husband took me very seriously.
my son is living miles away now and I’ve had to put strong boundaries in place for my own sanity and protection.
what you are going through IS domestic abuse not just from your son as they made me realise in refuge it was also from my husband as he wasn’t protecting me all those years and my feelings weren’t important ( but he’s a changed man now and I come first) I’m not saying leave and go to a refuge ( although it’s an option if it’s got unbearable) but please call the police every time he smashes things up or destroys your house and also for the abuse he’s giving you.
I really feel for you lovely! It’s an awful place to be in especially when you have a disability and you need peace and protection. Tough love was/is the only way we sorted our son out. It’s time for you to be heard and protected. I’ll keep you in my prayers xx

Call the police. He's a fucking monster. Keep him away from your dog

Contact PEGS…at Pegsupport.co.uk. They specialise in child to parent abuse, I have just completed a days training with them this week and they are all over it.

I'm sorry this is happening to you. My family was in a similar situation 20 years ago - except I was your daughter. My mum eventually told my younger brother to leave, after years of escalating abuse, disrespect, violent outbursts, and damage to her home. He went to live with my father. I have had no contact with my brother and father for many years now, and my mum is very low/ non-existent contact with my brother. Looking back twenty years the stress and worry she was living under on a daily basis was intolerable. To many on the outside it looks to be a sorry state of affairs for a family to end up in, but my mum is now safe and happy in her home.

Next time your son is abusive do call the police, @Lonewarrior.

Your marriage is effectively over anyway as your husband is willing to see you abused and not protect you in any way, not work with you to find a solution.

It must be very hard to realise this, but you could have a life free of abuse away from both of them.

Are you in the UK?