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Original poster

My date damped me

38 replies

Nousese · 07/07/2023 11:37

Hello,

I have separated a year ago. Since April this year I was dating a guy i met in tinder. He is nice and since we met he always text me during the day, early morning and before going to bed and was telling me nice complements. We were seeing each other always on Tuesday and Sunday since we met. Last Sunday morning he didn't text me early so i call him. He didn't answer but immediately texted. We went out that day as normal. He continued to text me as normal and on Tuesday we couldn't meet as he has meetings he sent me an screenshot. Then on Thursday i didn't hear from him as usually early morning. I texted him asking if we can meet he said not today, sorry. Then i asked if we can talk and he said he will call me later. He called me we talked a bit i said to him that i was missing him and then he said i think we shouldn't see each other for a while. I don't care about as much as I should and i don't think this is fair on you. He told me to keep in touch and I said why shall i keep in touch if you don't want to see me. Then he said that is up to you. Then I started asking what about the plans he was making with me and he said he is not sure about having feelings for me. I am very upset and feel ill. I know I shouldn't but i am. I think he changed with me after probably starting to have sex with him 3 weeks ago. I wonder if it was due to this as i do not have much experience. Also, my belly is horrible flappy and like with wrinkles after pregnancy. I told him about it in advance. And when we're without close I will ask him not to look at and I will cover myself.

OP posts:
BrutusMcDogface · 07/07/2023 11:40

It just wasn’t meant to be. If he was the one for you, the wrinkles etc wouldn’t have mattered one bit! Hold your head up high. The right person will be out there somewhere!

Original poster
Nousese · 07/07/2023 12:01

Thanks, my ex cheated on my and left me for the other woman. I don't have any family here just my 7 year old kid. So i feel very lonely.

OP posts:
ThisIsMySexName · 07/07/2023 12:04

@Nousese sorry this happened to you but you had a lucky escape and he is an ass!!! “Keep in touch”. WTF. Block that asshole. You are worth so much more and the right person wouldn’t care about some wrinkles etc. Sorry this happened to you, it’s a horrible feeling. What a cunt!

Softoprider · 07/07/2023 12:08

Just reading the post and all of the texting..not answering when you call.. makes me wonder if you are not the only girlfriend OP

Original poster
Nousese · 07/07/2023 12:14

Yes, i was thinking the same. Maybe he was seeing someone else at the same time. I never called him by surprise. This was the first time i called him by surprise. And since we started to go out he always texting me but didn't call me. I am the one who started asking him if could talk so then we will arrange the call. I wasn't happy we didn't talk on the phone.

OP posts:
Flickersy · 07/07/2023 12:18

You've only been dating for a couple of months, feelings have obviously fizzled on his side. That's not unusual and it doesn't make him a bad person or make it your fault.

I'm sorry you're upset but early days dating is all about figuring out whether you really like this person. Unfortunately on this occasion he wasn't the one, but there will be others out there!

Original poster
Nousese · 07/07/2023 12:32

He also said: maybe i see you next week. Do you think he said this just for being polite?

OP posts:
Original poster
Nousese · 07/07/2023 12:35

Since he was dating he has continue to be in Tinder.

OP posts:
Avastmehearties · 07/07/2023 12:39

Nousese · 07/07/2023 12:32

He also said: maybe i see you next week. Do you think he said this just for being polite?

Sorry but I think the potential for a relationship isn't there for him (absolutely nothing wrong with you) however he may be happy to keep in touch for company/ sex. Only way forward is a clean break.

Try not to take it to heart. It was early days and unfortunately I think some men like the build up/ chase prior to sex and only take stock of whether there is potential compatability afterwards.

Do you have many friends/ much of a social life here? That may be something to work on if not.

Pinkbonbon · 07/07/2023 12:42

It does sound like he's maybe continued to see other women.

But either way he isn't looking for a relationship with you. Which sucks. But might just be because he isn't actually looking for a relationship with ANYONE.

Lots of players around unfortunately.

I'd block his number op. No need to see or speak to him again. He'll only be trying to string you along and keep sleeping with you without commitment. And that's a messy, horrible road to take.

Original poster
Nousese · 07/07/2023 12:42

Just the mothers from school sometimes i take my son to the park with them. I work all time from home and just two old friends who i meet every month or a couple of months

OP posts:
Original poster
Nousese · 07/07/2023 12:49

It is shame I wasn't planning to have sex with him so quickly as I normally like knowing the person very well and i even told him that i like knowing the person very well and he said he would wait for me. I was really happy when he hold me and then all when that way. We never spend a night together as my son sleeps with me every night and he was even making plans for now in july when my son was going to sleep with his dad we could spend the night together

OP posts:
Watchkeys · 07/07/2023 12:55

I am very upset and feel ill. I know I shouldn't but i am

Start taking notice of your feelings, and why you have them, rather than telling yourself you 'shouldn't' have them. Shouldn't according to what/who?

This guy has treated you in a way that has upset you to the point of making you feel unwell. Do you want someone who has done that in your life, or do you think you ought to step away?

dartsofcupid · 07/07/2023 13:00

‘I don’t think this is fair on you.’

Maybe it’s weird but I’m quite irritated on your behalf! Fuck that guy, OP, sitting there swiping away, fielding your calls, looking at all the new faces. Call them players, users, whatever, he’s a grade A tit, don’t give him the honour of your company, he’s right, it’s not fair on you because you’ve got way better options, you just haven’t exercised them yet. Block him and forget him, life is too short for guessing games.

supercali77 · 07/07/2023 13:05

Hey op, it doesn't really matter how long you wait re sex in terms of whether a relationship develops. Sometimes waiting longer puts the wrong men off early, but that's about it. A man who's interested doesn't care about post baby tummies - most women above a certain age range have them, he's not stupid. If he was still on tinder while you were sleeping together, that says it all really. He's trying to be 'the nice guy' I think, by suggesting you stay on touch. Don't be confused by this. Listen to your first reaction - 'why would I do this?' And don't put yourself through some pretend friendship

pilates · 07/07/2023 13:20

This one is not for you. There are nicer and better ones out there. Only meeting on set days does sound a bit suspicious but don’t waste anymore head space on him.

Original poster
Nousese · 07/07/2023 13:24

Ok thanks. I just thought he was nice and gentleman as he didn't push me to have sex with him. I haven't told my sisters yet but they will be surprised as we didn't expect this. He even said i would mee his daughter eventually, and talked to me few occasions in front of his daughter.he offered me to help to do diy work in my house and I said not as i didn't want to bring him to my house yet. Strange when we have sex it was in the room where his daughter sleeps once a week according to him as it was in the back of the house so the neighbours couldn't hear. I think everything was a lie as why two weeks before me was going to spend whole night with him he tells me the news. Immediately after we talked this Wednesday, I texted him: you even said we could go on holidays together a week ago. Then, he replied: sorry, i am being honest today.

OP posts:
BCBird · 07/07/2023 13:29

Don't waste any more of your energy on him. Concentrate on getting more of a social.life.

toomanyleggings · 07/07/2023 13:31

You pre warned him about your body? Jeez. You need to be holding yourself in much higher regard. No man will think you’re gold if you don’t think you are. He’s lost interest. Move on but don’t text all day long with men you’re dating. Don’t be so available and don’t have sex so soon if it’s going to bring you down like this.

PrayerFactory · 07/07/2023 13:37

OP, you sound very vulnerable. Everything you’re writing is about indications of commitment you believed he was making, very early in the relationship, if you’ve only been seeing him since April.

Just write this off. In future, I think you should focus much more exclusively on your own feelings in the present — do I like this man? Is he good enough for me?

PrayerFactory · 07/07/2023 13:40

toomanyleggings · 07/07/2023 13:31

You pre warned him about your body? Jeez. You need to be holding yourself in much higher regard. No man will think you’re gold if you don’t think you are. He’s lost interest. Move on but don’t text all day long with men you’re dating. Don’t be so available and don’t have sex so soon if it’s going to bring you down like this.

Agreed on the self-esteem.

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 07/07/2023 13:43

I'm sorry this has happened and you're feeling so sad.

Never, ever, ever apologize for what your body looks like especially after doing something so wonderful with it as having children. This comes across and very insecure which is an unattractive trait- if anything put him off it would be that, rather than what you actually look like.

Try to build up your body confidence and self esteem xx

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 07/07/2023 13:45

Try reading a book 'why men love bitches'

Summer2424 · 07/07/2023 14:05

Hi @Nousese bless you ❤
That guy is a loser!!
You will find someone so much better xx
Also, you do not have a flappy wrinkly tummy, you have a mummy tummy and omg that's something to be proud of.
You stay strong ok xx
Sending you lots of happy positive vibes!

InceyWinceySpidy · 07/07/2023 14:14

@Nousese You are placing your entire worth on what men think of you.

He's been "honest" with you at least now, and said it's best you go your separate ways. The fact that you thought you were booking holidays next year, while watching him actively on Tinder while he was dating you, is quite telling. You've clung to, and run away with, anything tiny positive he's said, whilst ignoring all the massive signs that he's not really interested.

The question is why? I think some self reflection, and working on your self esteem would do you wonders imho.