Marriage is over. I know it needs to happen but I feel sick

[userzH]

Just that really. It needs to be over. Married almost 6 years. Left him coming up to 2 years ago. Tried to reconcile but not living together.

I got my own place about 9 months ago. I say it's my own place. It's actually my grandmothers house which she no longer lives in. However it was in desperate need of repairs and needed so much work doing to it.

ExH has done all the work on it. I've paid for everything but he's done the work free of charge. We planned on living separately still for a while but he would move in properly again in the next few months.

However the old him has been creeping back. He's currently giving me the silent treatment. Haven't seen him since yesterday or spoken to him since. He does this quite often and I hate it. There's always a build up to it. He gets really miserable and snappy with everyone. I walk on eggshells around him. I never know quite what I've done. Half the time I don't think it's me. He just takes it out on me. He has been under a lot of stress lately but one of the things I've said to him is that there will always be stress of some sort but we work through it together.

We have a son together and he's also like this with him too.

When he isn't here, life is calmer. But the thought of being without him isn't nice.

Like I say, he has been very stressed lately and there is a certain situation around him which has affected us both. I went out of my way at the weekend to do something kind of busy I thought would help. I got no appreciation from him at all

Sorry I know I'm rambling. I just have this awful sicky feeling in my stomach that i hate

Yes I did that when the football season finished

I stopped right here to reply. Please do not continue like this. You are disappearing into a vortex of trying to please and appease him. You're walking on eggshells constantly. The damage this is doing to you is incalculable. The longer it goes on, the harder your recovery will be. Take back some control and salvage what little is left of your dignity, self esteem and self fespect. Life without him will be tough but also better, as you will slowly start to get yourself back. Also, do not subject your son to living like this. Having a parent shout AND give him the silent treatment will do lifelong damage.

So now he says he cannot take anymore listening to my tears! He's unreal

@omgsally my son is everything and although it may not sound it, I really am very aware of what damage it can do. He will not be treating my son like anything. I actually think he resents my son deep down and I'm not sure there really will be much of a relationship there through his dads choice. My son adores his dad so this will be heartbreaking for him but I practice gentle parenting and I am really quite tuned in to my kids emotions so I'm hoping I can guide him through as best I can.

I don't know I've I've said this or not but I've had some quite intense therapy (will book a few more sessions). I also joined a women's charity last year where I've done courses on self esteem, boundaries, anxiety, positive thinking etc. My eyes are open to it all through the dark clouds that are him.

I've worked on myself so much over the last year, I don't plan on stopping now

Your eyes are open to it now @userzH Don't let him call all the shots and make all the decisions. We end up being like driftwood. Think how you want the future to look for you and your son

Sending you love, you don't deserve this, Im so glad you have your mum to support you, please know you are not alone, I also had a moment of panic when finally got text from mine after 6 days of nothing asking if he could pick up some suits at x time, i just replied I was out, then went for walk round the shops, couldnt face it either, hope you're OK lovely, thinking of you xx

Thank you so much, will go take a look xxx

I want to smack him on your behalf! How dare he, this is incredibly manipulative and unfair, stay strong, you have seen his patterns and understand what he's doing, you are so strong, thinking of you xx

@clareangel thank you so much. I have moments of sadness, then anger and then wondering if I'm too bloody sensitive again. I know im not.

He has caused all my tears. His text read 'I listened to you all day yesterday and I cannot listen to anymore tears'

I did the same - he came over to get some bits and I did a runner. So uncomfortable seeing him now.

I hope you get through this too. I really do

I've taken my kids to a farm today. Currently sat watching them play surrounded by families. I know I can do this on my own. Life will be easier. It's just sad right now

I just wanted to come back to this thread as it makes me so sad reading it. I carried on trying to make it work for a couple more months. I then ended up calling the police and that was it for good.

Pretty sure he had another woman in the background towards the end. They were public on social media within 4 weeks of me calling the police.

He didn't see much of ds at all. I now allow one day every other weekend. He has now introduced ds to the new gf and her children. He did this in December - 5 weeks after calling the police.

I don't know how to get through this. I was being strong but now I just feel so weak.

I hope everyone else on this thread who was going through similar is doing ok? Would be lovely for you to reach out if you read this x