Negative comments about women

[comehomecathy]

I would like to know how others would manage this situation.

My MiL is becoming extremely critical and borderline bitchy about other women. That includes celebrities. As an example, I mentioned one celebrity in passing and she interrupted me, sounded crazied, saying how this woman was ridiculous, trying to look like a teenager again when this woman is in her fifties, saying about her pathetic lip fillers.
These outbursts just appear so suddenly out of the blue in the middle of a normal conversation.
It's getting to me. I've taken the approach of diverting the conversation or making a more positive reply e.g. when she moans about a particular celebrity woman being fat, I reply that this woman is always so happy and cheerful.
She's doing it more often now, it's so negative and it's making me shut down. In my own house! I need a different approach.

My mum does this. For no apparent reason too.
My theory is that it's a dopamine hit.....hear me out.
My mum is obsessed with the daily mail take in life and follows loose women, GB news and generally all right wing press. I've tried to explain that celeb bashing articles are generally just written as clickbait. The more indignant they can get the reader to feel, then the more hooked they are on these types of articles. Hence the clicks and advertising revenue.
The dopamine hit comes from reading these articles and mouthing off that this person (usually a woman) is indeed a bitch, fat, trashy, pushy etc etc
Poor Holly Willoughby is her current target.

My mom also hates women, like your MIL, she calls women fat and ugly. Can’t stand single and childfree women, hates women laughing 😳, list goes on….

I also tried to be positive, turn subject, call it out, none of it worked.
Two things that did help: redunce the time/place/things what would trigger her to spout this horrors, also I just don’t spend time with her so much.
And then when she starts, no reaction. I stay totally quiet, not even hmhmmmh sounds, dead silence.
That way she didn’t have an audience, attention and got fuel to her hatred.

She hasn’t stopped totally, but it doesnmt drain me as much anymore.
If women like these want to be miserable woman-haters, that’s their business. But I won’t let it make me feel ill.

What would happen if you turned it back on her? Don't try diverting her by making positive comments, ask her outright why she feels the need to be so negative? Why does it bother her? X's lip fillers aren't harming you personally are they MiL? Ask her to justify her unpleasantness - especially on home ground. Nobody needs that kind of second hand negativity!

I came close to turning it back on her by not saying anything, just looking surprised (I actually was, momentarily so wasn't faking it) but I kept the surprised look going while not saying anything, looking at her. She mimicked my expression and then said 'well, she is isn't she?' (she'd called someone a 'mess').
I don't think confrontation is going to work well for me.
Thanks for the suggestions and the explanations of why she may be doing this.

I suspect some of this is down to older women - specifically, the ones who don’t have much of a career and always traded on their looks or pleasing men - getting pissed off that they are now aging and not getting any attention, and are jealous of celebrity women and therefore try to belittle them and drag them down to make themselves feel better!
I didn’t hear any of this stuff from my female consultant colleagues in the operating theatre coffee room, by contrast. We all had more important things to occupy our minds.

Just mention Amanda Holden on here and see what kinds of comments you get back 😬

Funnily enough, that was who she was talking about!

How old is MIL?.If this has suddenly started happening could it be the start of dementia?

Internalised misogyny. Women who dislike other women have been conditioned into it, told that women should behave in a certain way. When they don't comply they get the insults.

Its like when the OW gets the main beating on here rather than the actual husband. Internalised misogyny.

I fell out with a friend over this. The final straw was when she started complaining about women with kids making life harder for everyone else by being part time, and talking about the ‘fad’ for c sections and how she ‘doesn’t agree’ with epidurals as women should have to experience the pain because it’s what they signed up to

She suffered from ‘cool girl’ syndrome, she wasn’t like other women, oh no.

My mums gone like this for some time now. It’s a shame, but she’s truely horrid about people, mainly through Daily Mail conditioning.

“That Meghan….” Is normally where I go make a coffee and ignore it.

Daily Mail has done a number on a lot of older women (and men). Pure poison.

Try telling that to those who read it though! They lap it up without knowing they are being brainwashed to hate.
People like this are quite literally being 'told what to think'
It's no better than North Korea, and even less transparent.

What is wrong with other people having opinions? You aren't the celebs they are getting at. You can't control what others think.

You can't control what others think
No, but the press can.

You’re so right. What’s wrong with misogyny? It’s not doing anyone any harm.

I'd straight up ask her why she hates women. And then say 'mysoginy is so unattractive in women you know'.

My mum sometimes makes odd and unkind comments about women (both RL and celebs). I see it as a jealousy thing. I really don’t like it and I either disengage or tell her to stop it

How old is she? My mum went nasty like this when she hit menopause. It is no excuse but she went from being normal about other women to making terribly comments about them all.

So what label would you attach if negative comments were being made about male celebs? I doubt you would even bother.

I would say selling papers is more of their priority.

My mother has always done it. Women on telly, women in the street, women she works with, women in the village where she lives, my friend's mothers, women in newspapers.
She especially hates fat women and/or women with Northern or what she calls "London" accents.
She's never done it to men.
I used to try to reason with it but now I just ignore her until she stops.

Maybe try reading the book "Hags" by Victoria Smith. It's had excellent reviews. It examined the ways in which older women are portrayed & thought of in our current culture and why they're unhappy. It's supposed to be a very funny book too. I imagine you'd find it throws a great deal of light on what you're asking here.

Look sympathetic and say "oh MIL, it's hard to be happy for other people when we're unhappy with ourselves isn't it?"

"other women probably judge you for "insert something here", no one's perfect MIL, not even you"

Turn it around on her.