Heartbreak - how do you cope until the feeling passes?

[DollyDaydream92]

I am just wanting some advice on how everyone deals with heartbreak. I’ve had my heartbroken once before but it’s different this time. The empty feeling, feeling nauseated, not sleeping or eating properly. It doesn’t help when they ghosted you (I know the disrespect is all the closure you need) I just feel terrible right now. I know I’m better off on my own it’s just a matter of letting time pass. And how do you stop loving someone? Do you ever stop or do you just get used to it? I need healthier ways of coping than hitting the bottle every night.

in the same situation and it’s torture, I’ve just cried and cried
emotional support from friends helps and I try to discipline my mind away from him but it doesn’t work too well
💐

Hey OP!

You just have to remember that it does get better. It will pass. It's so hard though. Thoughts and a poem by Rilke for you to remember that no feeling is final.

God speaks to each of us as he makes us,
then walks with us silently out of the night.
These are the words we dimly hear:
You, sent out beyond your recall,
go to the limits of your longing.
Embody me.
Flare up like a flame
and make big shadows I can move in.
Let everything happen to you: beauty and terror.
Just keep going. No feeling is final.
Don’t let yourself lose me.
Nearby is the country they call life.
You will know it by its seriousness.
Give me your hand.
Book of Hours, I 59

Absolute clichè but honestly Time.

all you can do is take it each day at a time, try to keep yourself and particularly your keep your mind busy.

go gym, read books , walk and listen to podcast.

do not try to keep tabs on the person eg checking social media etc. delete and block on everything and dont give them a chance to worm their way back in, 90% of the time they do.

its such a horrible thing to go through but everyone does unfortunately.

you will come out of it stronger and wiser.

Time time time x

@brisedusoir what a beautiful poem. Thank you. No feeling is final - I love that. @morethanspice support from friends is the best, I only have one friend so guess it makes it harder, Ive no one to vent to or talk to. The crying is relatable. But better to let tears out now than hold them in. @Covetthee i blocked him on everything as soon as I realised what he’s done, Friday night. I don’t have social media so no temptation there! Last time I felt like this time did cure me. Thank you . I love my walking with my dog. The gym will help. I live down the road from him so it doesn’t help. I’m waiting for the post break up glow up guess I have to put the work in instead of moping in my pjs with wine. lol

And he won’t be back, I found out friday he has got back together with his ex. The sod didn’t even have the balls to tell me, he let her text me and tell me instead. So even if he did come back he’d be laughed out of the door. Everyone is right time is the major thing here. And out of sight out of mind!

He’s a shit and he will do it to her, imagine her messaging you! Geez how badly behaved some people are.

Your reality is whatever you think about. If you stop thinking about him so much then heartbreak stops taking up so much of your reality. Distraction is key. It will get better.

@NooNaNa very true it’s about training my mind! So everytime I think of him I switch it to something else. Also telling myself he’s a massive arsehole helps lol but obviously I don’t want to hold onto bitterness. Actually looking forward to going back to work tomorrow as I work part time so not had it the last few days to distract me. @morethanspice think she just wanted to rub it in my face she’s won. Not really because like you say he’ll do it again.

Exercise...loud music... chocolate.... repeat

@DollyDaydream92 How is this evening? Have you done something nice for yourself today?

This is another lovely poem written in 1555 called I live I die by Louise Labé
I hope it will help you realize that how you are feeling is normal and it is the same feeling women have been having for centuries. Be kind to yourself.

I live, I die: I drown and I burn,I endure at once extreme heat and cold;Life is at once too soft and too hard,I feel boredom mingled with joys.At the same time, I laugh and I cry,And I endure many torments of pleasures,My fortune fades away, and lasts forever,At the same time, I wither and I Bloom.Thus I suffer love’s inconstanciesAnd when I believe I will suffer more,Without knowing, I find myself at peace.Then, when I feel my joy is certain,And I am on top of what I could wish right now,Love casts me back into my former grief.

Wanted to send you love and let you know you aren't alone, going through similar and for me my dog is such a huge comfort, I'm off work (long planned holiday) and feel like I don't want to leave the house so I'm taking her for extra walks, picking myself up a coffee, going to m&s and getting myself a few nice snacks, watching Wimbledon, just little things to try and get me through the day, this is the 4th day since he left and haven't heard a word, I'm not contacting him and I'm not asking the (adult) kids if they've heard anything, trying to hold my head up and keep a shred of dignity for myself but its so bloody hard isn't it? All I can say is look after yourself as best you can, please know you are not alone lovely x

It's so hard. Anyone who is feeling this has my sympathy.
Slightly different, but I once read some good advice on here about obsessing over someone. I'm not suggesting you're obsessing, but if you do find yourself becoming consumed, set yourself points in the day when you can think about them.
So you say to yourself, not now, but at 5pm I can think about them for 15 mins, and allow yourself that 15 mins. It really helped me break this cycle of thinking about them/the situation over and over again.
Sending strength and best wishes.

Excellent advice, thank you for posting this, im going to try this myself! X

Good luck @clareangel I'm rooting for you x

Tough times. I found uplifting music helped . Get yourself a happy breakup playlist. I recommend plenty more fish in the sea by a 60s US girl group, possibly the Marvellettes. Also hard physical work- now is the time to scrub floors and clean windows. Followed by carbs, mashed potato, pasta, rice pudding.
This really does work, I know it sounds unlikely.

Thank you so much lovely xx

Any room on the breakup misery bench for one more? Bit different for me as I broke up with him just before Xmas, felt great finally being free of him until he befriended my best and only friend to the point they spend most evenings together. I decided to block them both a couple of weeks ago which sent me spiralling. Been up and down since then, keeping busy, trying to make new friends etc. but I’ve crashed today and feel totally crap again. I know moving through grief isn’t linear though so it’s par for the course and it’ll just take time but god the lows are crushing sometimes.

I hope you’re ok op. Just know you’re not alone

I feel your pain. Just under 3 weeks ago I received a message from my husband which was meant for someone else. Of course I went looking and found things that made the bottom fall out of my world, after 18 years, 8 of which married, I realised that I never knew him at all. The only way I find to cope is to imagine a box and put all the nasty shit in that and put the lid on. When I want to deal with things I get them out one at a time, do what I need to do then put it back. It helps me not to feel so overwhelmed, plus I have the control over opening or leaving the box depending on how I feel.
It isn't easy and I don't expect it to be but he's had all the tears he's going to have from me and what doesn't kill me makes me stronger.

You got this and the biggest kick in the balls to him is to get your life back together and be whatever you want to be x

Great advice! I have a happy songs cd in car (Wake Up Boo, Love Shack etc!) And it really does help, I sing to the dog - poor thing! You are right about physical work too, I bought a small chainsaw type thing and have been cutting back trees, bushes etc, helps to sleep when you're tired from physical work xx

Just to add, I started counselling which work have paid for as I was so bad, I had to call in sick for the first few days. The counsellor told me to speak to myself as if I were a friend and exercise to curb the adrenaline, both of which have helped enormously.

Definitely room for you too! That really sucks and must have really hurt you, I'm so sorry! Luckily my friends are really pissed at my dh. I've really found shouty songs help me loads, I'm obsessed with Olivia Rodrigo's Good4U, have a watch of the video it's brilliant, turn it right up, especially at the "what the FUCK is up with THAT!" Bit, try it, it really bloody helps! Lots of love xxx

I'm so sorry you have to deal with this and for what he's done to you, you sound so strong and so together ❤ it really is the worst, but how you are dealing with it is inspirational, I'm trying this!! Xxxx

I wish this book had been written years ago OP when I needed it.

It may help you now;-

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Win-Your-Breakup-That-Away/dp/1544522789

When I went through my first big heartbreak I wrote a list of all the small and big things that person did which annoyed/upset/repulsed/embarrassed me. Sure, in the first few days you feel like they were perfect but start small - did they talk over you, overuse a word or phrase, pick their nose, etc?

Then keep reading over it and adding new negatives over time. It starts off as a petty but satisfying exercise then you realise that you no longer feel the same way as you add more stuff. Love changes how you view things. When in love you just see their 'quirks' but as the love fades those 'quirks' become major irritants and you will realise you are free of them.