Checking his phone

[Biscuitz1]

I like to go through my partners phone while he is sleeping and read his messages.

It's not because I don't trust him, just because I'm nosy.

I know its an invasion of privacy.

Anyway he caught me and is now upset. Fair enough.

Does anyone else do this?

So, you commit a Criminal Offence because you're bored ?

Actually, two offences, one under the Computer Misuse Act 1990, and another one under the Coersive and Controlling Behaviuor Act.

You sound like a catch.

He needs to report you to the Police and leave you ASAP.

I wouldn't boast about criminal behaviour online. If you are reported (and I hope he does) your phone and other devices will be taken and examined. If you lie under caution it won't look very good in court.

My dh has lied about a couple of things so I checked his phone and then told him that I had. Flame me too!

What part of Criminal Offence are you struggling with?

Being in a relationship isn't a defence in law.

You wouldn't access files at work that you had no business need to look at, it's THE SAME type of offence, and is taken just as seriously!

People need to wake up!

If you access ANY electronic device which belongs to another person, and you do so without their permission (no matter what your relationship status is) you commit a Criminal Offence under the Computer Misuse Act.

Onefinemess as I said in my post I told dh straight after.. he didn't fancy prosecuting!

No you don't have a healthy relationship,.

For goodness sake do you hop on threads whenever you see someone checking their partner's phone for proof of cheating? (Not that mine was!)

No. In the same way that I don't read my partner's mail or go through his notebooks and we both have biometric security on our phones and devices.

Not because we don't trust each other after 20+ years, but because everybody is entitled to a degree of privacy (as are the friends or family we may be having conversations with on our various devices).

I think you need to be honest about why you are doing this, you said ‘checking’ not snooping and if this is innocent nosying why have you done it in secret? You say you are happy and trust him, so have you done this before with a partner you haven’t trusted?
My DH and I know each others passcodes, mainly because we use the same ones across devices as there are too many to remember. If I want to look at anything on his phone (usually photos or making a call when my battery is flat or out of reach) I ask, I wouldn’t look when he was asleep and if I was inclined to nosy too I would ask. I wouldn’t be inclined to though, anything interesting enough or relevant to me he would have told me anyway.

Misuse act ok

Control act no
You are just scaremongering
I never told him he can't do this or use his phone

It seems like you all want everyone to be single if the other half isn't perfect.

For the nth time, I know it was WRONG

I didn't, but I wish I had, I may of found out sooner 🤷🏼‍♀️

Criminal offence, seriously 😀

OP you need to consider why you are CHECKING his phone.

Honestly if I was to your partner, I would be OUT.

You can call it nosey all you want, but this is a serious invasion of privacy that I frankly wouldn't stand for.

Right. Sure.
That’s why you didn’t go through his messages.
Hold up…

Really? I'd love to see you phone the police and report that your husband looked at your phone.
It's a strange thing to do because you're bored though OP, why not just scroll through social media, there's hours of crap on there to entertain you. To me this feels like there's something more going on - either you're trying to find out more about him or you're wanting to keep tabs on him. It's not something that someone who feels secure in a relationship does though - or someone with healthy boundaries and respect.
If you suspected he was cheating then I'd have no problem with you checking though - could save a lot of wasted time wondering and worrying.

Ok maybe I don't trust him 100% but I think that's due to me being naturally paranoid.

It all started after he would come home from work late (I'm in-between jobs) and wouldn't touch me as much etc.

He said he is interested but work is stressful so he's just tired more.

Anyway I couldn't help myself so I checked his bank statements and saw that he has been withdrawing cash like £200/£300 etc numerous times.

I obviously can't ask him about it so what should I do.

It's not obviously cheating but still suspicious.

Please don't bother replying with he should dump you or I'm a pycho etc

Only really interested in helpful replies
No keyboard warriors

You’re lucky he hasn’t dumped you tbh, I would have.

Regardless of rights and wrongs, if you're in a relationship in which you're secretly checking your partners's texts and bank statements the relationship is so unhealthy it needs to end.

Ditto if you're in a relationship where you can't ask questions openly and honestly.

Whatever has happened from his side, the relationship is so unhealthy it cannot be good for you to continue with it.

Can't really tell anybody what to do on a public forum. If you don't want to own your behaviour then don't post about it.

So now you're checking his bank accounts, not just his phone? Is being in between jobs making you feel vulnerable and anxious? Perhaps he's pulling away physically due to feeling smothered with all the suspicion and paranoia. It's not healthy for either of you.

Read the Act.

I'm NOT scaremongering.

People need to wake up about this issue.

The law is there to be used. Your opinion doesn't change legal text. If you do this, you ARE commuting an offence. And FYI the police take it VERY seriously.

It's part of their Domestic Viloence framework.

I feel for you OP. You sound quite insecure. I think the first step is acknowledging in a healthy relationship you shouldn’t do these things, nor should you feel the need to.
If you live together presumably you have discussed finances and as long as he is paying his share any extra disposable income he has shouldn’t concern you.
I don’t think it’s weird, my DH prefers cash and easily dwindles his money on our meals out, bottles of pop, snacks/food, petrol when he is out. He pays his share and tightens his belt when we need anything so it fine I don’t need to account for his cash and he doesn’t with mine.
Not wanting to be outing but in my youth I helped someone get out of debt and he ran up more behind my back (think tens of thousands on high interest cards). After separating I spent time on my own, learned to love myself and how to set my boundaries. Happy to say DH fits the bill for me.
I think you need to work on yourself too. I would recommend a book called why men love bitches by sherry argov. It’s about learning to be strong and independent and how to put yourself first. It sounds like you have an understanding and forgiving partner so you need to resolve this before he gets sick.

I think the only way you will be able to ease your paranoia is to talk to him. Ask him if there’s anything going on and say you’re just feeling quite unsure at the moment. You can come clean about checking his phone but he will most likely end the relationship then.