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Original poster

Checking his phone

73 replies

Biscuitz1 · 03/07/2023 02:32

I like to go through my partners phone while he is sleeping and read his messages.

It's not because I don't trust him, just because I'm nosy.

I know its an invasion of privacy.

Anyway he caught me and is now upset. Fair enough.

Does anyone else do this?

OP posts:
ringsaglitter · 03/07/2023 07:05

Sorry you're getting such harsh messages hun.

Um, please, please stop this behaviour and re-think why you're doing it. It's a very bad thing to do - if you're in a happy, respectful relationship, this shouldn't be part of it. Lot's a love and good luck xxx

MysteriesOfTheOrganism · 03/07/2023 07:13

You say you do it because you're nosy and bored. There are so many other things to do if you're bored. Read a book, learn a foreign language, take up art or some handicraft, jigsaw puzzles, meditation, yoga... There are a zillion things you could be doing. You could even spend time developing your self-awareness to understand why you're being nosy. What do you gain from being nosy? Is it to understand him better? To assuage some insecurity? Why are you doing it?

AhNowTed · 03/07/2023 07:19

Your title literally says you are "checking" his phone.

Not reading cos you're bored.

CHECKING.

Checking for what?

chipsandpeas · 03/07/2023 07:28

if my partner done this to me i would leave, massive invasion of privacy

sammylady37 · 03/07/2023 07:35

chipsandpeas · 03/07/2023 07:28

if my partner done this to me i would leave, massive invasion of privacy

Yep. I would be gone in a flash. Though tbf, I wouldn’t have given anyone the password in the first place.

SquirrelFeed · 03/07/2023 07:39

How do you know he hasn’t changed his password? Still checking?

SallyWD · 03/07/2023 07:43

I think if you're totally honest with yourself it's more than simple nosiness - you're checking up on him!

Nottodaty · 03/07/2023 07:43

It crosses a line & to me it’s a red flag.

Nothing interesting in my phone but it’s mine & I would be upset if my husband just being nosy. He knows the passwords/passcodes but that’s not for him just to have a nose.

What were you hoping to achieve by have a nose?

Hiddenvoice · 03/07/2023 07:43

I checked a previous partners phone. I claimed it was because I was bored or nosey but really I didn’t trust him. I was looking a this messages and seeing if any were deleted or to any girls I didn’t know. He caught me one day, just as I found some flirty messages on his phone. I just had an incline they would be there, it was in my gut. We ended our relationship as we couldn’t trust each other. What he did was wrong but me snooping was wrong too.

I don’t check my dh phone. It made me feel awful when j was doing it before but I also don’t feel the need to do it in this relationship.

readbooksdrinktea · 03/07/2023 07:51

First reply of the thread has it.

determinedtomakethiswork · 03/07/2023 07:59

He is a complete idiot if he doesn't change his password immediately.

user1492757084 · 03/07/2023 08:05

We are older and remember when everyone shared a household phone so it doesn't seem strange at all to know and have access to each other's phones. We share a business mobile and we share another phone when on holidays and we have a household line.

We always know who each other has had contact with and rarely speak about it - except to remind each other of appointments etc. It doesnt seem weird to share these things and actually is nice to talk about sometimes.

Years and years ago couples and families had no phone at all and letters would be shared excitedly or people would travel and visit. I can't understand why life is secret now-a-days. People are too precious. They are very fortunate owning high tech gadgets but obviously become selfish and mean enough to want non transparency with their spouse?

Snugglemonkey · 03/07/2023 08:20

No, because violating someone's privacy is really poor behaviour. It is an act of abuse. I would definitely dump you.

Snugglemonkey · 03/07/2023 08:22

Biscuitz1 · 03/07/2023 04:29

@c1n1c if he did the same, I'd feel the same as him.
I know it's wrong.
We have a healthy relationship and are very open with each other and tell eachother everything.
It's only really when i can't sleep and I'm bored.
The point of this post is to see if anyone else does it too.
We have each other pw and he'd usually ask me to reply to people for him or update his WhatsApp status.

You do not have a healthy relationship!

Dery · 03/07/2023 08:29

As you know, OP, it’s just completely wrong to do this. I’m nosy and I sate my nosiness by coming on MN and seeing what relationship issues people have but I wouldn’t dream of doing this (and I speak as someone who messes up often).

DixonD · 03/07/2023 08:35

Biscuitz1 · 03/07/2023 04:29

@c1n1c if he did the same, I'd feel the same as him.
I know it's wrong.
We have a healthy relationship and are very open with each other and tell eachother everything.
It's only really when i can't sleep and I'm bored.
The point of this post is to see if anyone else does it too.
We have each other pw and he'd usually ask me to reply to people for him or update his WhatsApp status.

And now you’ve messed up and he’ll likely put s stop to that.

DixonD · 03/07/2023 08:36

user1492757084 · 03/07/2023 08:05

We are older and remember when everyone shared a household phone so it doesn't seem strange at all to know and have access to each other's phones. We share a business mobile and we share another phone when on holidays and we have a household line.

We always know who each other has had contact with and rarely speak about it - except to remind each other of appointments etc. It doesnt seem weird to share these things and actually is nice to talk about sometimes.

Years and years ago couples and families had no phone at all and letters would be shared excitedly or people would travel and visit. I can't understand why life is secret now-a-days. People are too precious. They are very fortunate owning high tech gadgets but obviously become selfish and mean enough to want non transparency with their spouse?

You remember handwritten diaries then? That’s how most people view their mobile phones.

JustFrustrated · 03/07/2023 08:52

user1492757084 · 03/07/2023 08:05

We are older and remember when everyone shared a household phone so it doesn't seem strange at all to know and have access to each other's phones. We share a business mobile and we share another phone when on holidays and we have a household line.

We always know who each other has had contact with and rarely speak about it - except to remind each other of appointments etc. It doesnt seem weird to share these things and actually is nice to talk about sometimes.

Years and years ago couples and families had no phone at all and letters would be shared excitedly or people would travel and visit. I can't understand why life is secret now-a-days. People are too precious. They are very fortunate owning high tech gadgets but obviously become selfish and mean enough to want non transparency with their spouse?

So you'd be happy with people reading your diary?

It's not selfish to require privacy. When privacy is taken from people, they usually become less happy. By nature we are private.

I adore DH and I tell him the minutae of my life. However, it is not his place to decide that he will know the ins and outs of my friends relationships, or my medical appointments or my mother's partners medical issues for example. It's other people's choice to decide how much of that they share.

Stop pretending "the good old days" people were better. Because you're wrong.

AhNowTed · 03/07/2023 09:08

user1492757084 · 03/07/2023 08:05

We are older and remember when everyone shared a household phone so it doesn't seem strange at all to know and have access to each other's phones. We share a business mobile and we share another phone when on holidays and we have a household line.

We always know who each other has had contact with and rarely speak about it - except to remind each other of appointments etc. It doesnt seem weird to share these things and actually is nice to talk about sometimes.

Years and years ago couples and families had no phone at all and letters would be shared excitedly or people would travel and visit. I can't understand why life is secret now-a-days. People are too precious. They are very fortunate owning high tech gadgets but obviously become selfish and mean enough to want non transparency with their spouse?

I'm 58 and DH 60.. so "older".

We are not "selfish" to want a bit of privacy and be able to text our friends and family without the other know the fecking minutiae of everything.

Don't be ridiculous.

AdviceNeeded22222 · 03/07/2023 09:15

BreviloquentBastard · 03/07/2023 02:34

No because I'm not a twat.

Pretty much first response nailed it.
I would dump you if I was your partner tbh.

LadyJ2023 · 03/07/2023 09:16

No way would I do that with hubby's or him me, we occasionally share vocally messages we have received etc but nope don't see why you would even do it. And right now glad he doesn't as I have several peoples texts about a surprise holiday away for anniversary in September all arrangements etc lol

ThickSkinnedSoWhat · 03/07/2023 09:22

Aquamarine1029 · 03/07/2023 02:51

Your behaviour is inexcusable. If he has any sense whatsoever he will leave you.

THIS

Shitshowatthefuckfactory · 03/07/2023 09:30

I've been with DH 14 years and never checked his phone.

AdviceNeeded22222 · 03/07/2023 10:01

You do sound like a stalker. It is very disturbing behaviour. Your lack of awareness is astounding.

Specso · 03/07/2023 11:00

If I was him I’d dump you to be honest.

Looking through his phone out of boredom and curiosity is unacceptable and ridiculous. He may have had private conversations with friends about their problems and you then just go reading through it all!

The whole ‘shoulder shrug’ vibe your giving, knowing it’s wrong but doing it anyway and just thinking it’s ok now he’s found out makes you sound like you have no respect.

In answer to your actual question..no, other people do not pick up their partners phone and go through it for absolutely no reason. If they do then they also need to pack it in and ask themselves why they’re really doing it because it’s not boredom.