Smug affair

[Theonlywayisupagain]

name Change for this.
partner of 20 years left to be with another woman, though at the time was adamant there was no-one else. Few months after split it became apparent to he was seeing someone, has been on numerous holidays with her and is now living with her. We have been split 4 months and have 2 children under 10. Over the past week all arrows point to this having started before we split although they are both adamant there was no crossover. I believe neither of them. The thing I am struggling with is how smug they have both become. They are so blatant and obvious with each other and the kids, acting as though they are a happy family, going on days out and asking for sleepovers. I am not at all comfortable with any of this as the kids only found out we were split up 4 weeks ago. I can not see how it can be good for the kids to have him and her acting like this when they’re and my life has been turned upside down. Me and the kids are the ones having to move out of the family home and she is moving in. How do I emotionally cope with her literally stepping into my life in every aspect but mainly with the kids. What if they would rather live with them as a “family” than with me on my own? I am very worried and upset about it all and every time I think I’ve got a handle on it something new comes up.

Please can people note the OP is not married so has no claim to pension or anything else beyond the CMS and house settlement.
Op you sound v level headed. Please don't get caught up in the "karma drama". They may or may not stay together (mine did with his ow) but it shouldn't impact you one way or the other. Ignore them as far as is possible

Read above - she can't afford to buy him out, so he's buying her out so she can purchase elsewhere.
Seems fair to me!

Which would apply if they're married, but they're not

No we are not married but my pension is better than his anyway.

Petty but couldn’t you refuse to sell to him
so you both have to sell the house and split it?

Also I imagine the OW moving in will cause all sorts of trouble between them…imagine the ghosts of his 20 year relationship at every turn haunting her…ha! You chose the decor, you made it a home with your kids and that excuse of a man…it will probably torment her in reality.

I second this. She's moving in now and feels like she's 'won' but the reality will be just that and he seems like the type to not be that empathetic so I imagine many arguments will happen where she's feels it's not really her home and he will not understand how the colour scheme and carpets affect her 🤣

Having been through similar there is no way I was letting my kids play happy families until I knew she was a permanent fixture! I gave the kids the choice of when they wanted to meet her and they both said not yet. Depends on the age of the kids. Mine will be meeting ex’s new partner soon they will have been together 9 months. Separation is tough for kids and little steps need to be taken.

The second part of this hahaha.. similar happened to me with the next woman moving into my ex home with my exh. Although galling at first I did get to realise it’s not actually that fun for her once the novelty wears off. She’s the one that’s second having to live up to the original… that applies with everything, the house, the in-laws, parenting a new baby where there are kids already and being raised well. Take heart OP!!

Sadly your feelings matter little OP. As infuriating as it is he needs no consent to live his life with his new DP and that includes the DC in their daily life.

what you can control is how you react to it all. This will have a huge impact on your DCs mental health going forward. Don’t bad mouth or show any ill will in front of them - save that for when they are gone. Longer term- build a life you love on your own terms. He’s gone. Nothing you do will change that but you now need to work towards making a life that makes you happy.