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Original poster

Holiday impasse

28 replies

Fruitflylady · 02/07/2023 19:12

Help please!!
I'm desperate to have a beach/pool holiday with warm water and snorkelling opportunities. Have been looking at a Greek island trip with DH, DS17 & DS12. Both boys would love it but DH ‘doesn’t want to go’ and when asked what his preferred holiday would be he just says ‘I don’t know’. I think secretly he just wants to go camping in the UK, which we’ve done in the past. It’s ok, but the thought of doing that and missing out on my dream beach holiday makes me feel miserable.
We’ve both booked the time off work, but I don’t know what do do now…shall I try and persuade him to come regardless? He would sit at the edge of the pool or beach watching but not joining in. We can do some day trips that he’d probably enjoy.
If I give up on my plan I would resent him. He won’t plan anything himself.
what should I do?

OP posts:
planningnightmare · 02/07/2023 19:14

just book the holiday you would like to have. he either joins or you take a friend. stop overthinking it. life is short.

Riverlee · 02/07/2023 19:17

I agree. Book the holiday. Factor in some day trips which he may enjoy.

if you feel he wants a camping holiday, suggest a couple of camping weekends away, or give him the task of arranging the holiday for next year.

Puravida23 · 02/07/2023 19:17

Well there are 4 of you going, Get DH to put forward his travel suggestion against yours and have a family vote

Ragwort · 02/07/2023 19:17

Have a calm discussion about your holiday expectations and try to reach an agreement (amicably) about holidaying separately... my DH and DS love skiing ... I don't ... I did trail along for a few days just because I assumed 'families should holiday together' but it was so much better when we were all honest with each other and now they go off skiing together and everyone is happy.

filka · 02/07/2023 19:31

Can he go camping (alone) near the location of your beach holiday?

Original poster
Fruitflylady · 02/07/2023 19:31

Thank you, I have thrown out the suggestion that I just take the boys on my own but he didn’t answer. Went off to watch the racing on TV….
Will try and discuss again later.

OP posts:
BHRK · 02/07/2023 19:34

Don’t let him guilt trip you into giving up a holiday that you and your boys would like. Tell him that is what you would like to do and he can come or not, plus does he fancy booking some weekend camping and you can do that as well.

NerrSnerr · 02/07/2023 19:44

I'd tell him this evening that if he doesn't want to talk about it then you'll assume he doesn't want to go and book it without him. You can have a nicer rooms etc if less of you.

I wouldn't want to live with a husband who couldn't have a basic conversation.

Original poster
Fruitflylady · 02/07/2023 19:45

@Ragwort that made me smile; I took the boys skiing at Easter, without DH, as I wanted to give them the experience. They loved it more than I did! DH ‘couldn’t book the time off work’, but in reality he just didn’t want to go on that holiday either.

OP posts:
namechanged221 · 02/07/2023 19:50

Could you do both?
We are doing a 3 day long weekend camping trip plus an abroad holiday too x

SatOnBeckysHill · 02/07/2023 20:00

Does a holiday with just you and the kids sound good?

It does to me!

Bobbybobbins · 02/07/2023 20:58

Crikey OP I would jump at the chance to do this if my DH suggested it. Does he not enjoy holidays in general? It sounds amazing!

Tinkerbyebye · 02/07/2023 21:06

Just book the holiday with the kids and leave him at home bye can go off camping

Hibiscrubbed · 02/07/2023 21:07

Your H sounds boring as shit. Go, take the boys, don’t let your H hamper their life experiences. Good job on taking them skiing.

Original poster
Fruitflylady · 03/07/2023 08:41

@Hibiscrubbed, yes you’re right, he is boring as shit, but that’s a topic for another thread…

OP posts:
ChaToilLeam · 03/07/2023 08:44

God, what a misery he sounds!

Have your holiday. He gets two choices: he comes, or he doesn’t.

Original poster
Fruitflylady · 03/07/2023 08:46

So this morning I said to him I’d looked at the options for me going alone with the boys and found some good deals. I said I didn’t want to make him come if he really didn’t want to.
Response from him: silence
I said ‘any comments?’
Response: more silence, followed by him getting out of bed and going into the shower.
About an hour later he asked when I would be home from work. Said he’d be free then so we can ‘talk’
I’m still set on going on my beach holiday so I think the best outcome will be him agreeing that I will go with the boys and he stays at home. But at least he will now talk about it, let’s see what he has to say…

OP posts:
catscalledbeanz · 03/07/2023 09:07

Fruitflylady · 03/07/2023 08:46

So this morning I said to him I’d looked at the options for me going alone with the boys and found some good deals. I said I didn’t want to make him come if he really didn’t want to.
Response from him: silence
I said ‘any comments?’
Response: more silence, followed by him getting out of bed and going into the shower.
About an hour later he asked when I would be home from work. Said he’d be free then so we can ‘talk’
I’m still set on going on my beach holiday so I think the best outcome will be him agreeing that I will go with the boys and he stays at home. But at least he will now talk about it, let’s see what he has to say…

I honestly couldn't live like this. You speak to him and it's like talking to wall, but more dismissive as you know he hears you and could respond. I can't fathom the level of rudeness to be asked a question and simply ignore it and walk out. Certainly not when the person asking is your wife?!?
And then to book in time when he's free to talk? Leave you hanging all day, whilst he plans his responses with an air of superiority and condescension? Fuck that.

Op holiday with the dc alone. And consider leaving this grey waste of space. Talking to the walls would be infinitely more productive and they'd probably show you more respect than this idiot.

mindutopia · 03/07/2023 10:14

Can you afford it? That's the only good reason I can see for a partner bulking at a holiday. If there is sufficient money for a holiday, then let him know tonight that you are booking it tomorrow and he needs to let you know if he's coming or not.

Dh and I both go on holiday with the dc without each other regularly (animals and farm at home so hard for all of us to get away together). It's fine. I enjoy doing things he wouldn't, so I plan holidays just for me around those things. He can do whatever he wants when he's away with them. If something he wanted to do wasn't for me, I'd be very happy to just stay at home. Thankfully, your dc are grown enough to not really need much supervision and parenting on a holiday, so it should be easy to manage with just one of you. Enjoy your holiday!

squashyhat · 03/07/2023 10:25

Don't waste any more time trying to discuss it. Book it for the 3 of you and surprise the boys when they get home from school.

HopelessEstateAgents · 03/07/2023 10:28

filka · 02/07/2023 19:31

Can he go camping (alone) near the location of your beach holiday?

Bloody love MN. Only on here would something this batshit get suggested.

Of course! Camping alone in a foreign country is EXACTLY what the DH wants and there will be NO PROBLEM taking all the equipment on TUI or easyjet 😂😂😂😂

Xrays · 03/07/2023 10:38

This sounds absolutely miserable. One of the reasons I split up with my ex dh is because I ended up feeling like a single parent anyway doing everything with dd on my own. I wanted to enjoy things together as a family. What is he like the rest of the time?

ny20005 · 03/07/2023 13:46

This was the reason my friend ended her marriage too. She was sick of planning days out & holidays & then he'd not booked the time off work or picked a fight so he could just storm off & not go on the day out - usually when kids were already in the car waiting to go.

Sounds like he only wants to do holidays he wants & doesn't want to compromise ever.

LegendsBeyond · 03/07/2023 13:49

Is he anxious about flying or travelling abroad?

LimeCheesecake · 03/07/2023 13:57

Is it a money thing? Can’t imagine preferring a camping trip to a beach hotel holiday where you don’t need to put on a rain coat and find a torch for a midnight wee - but obviously one’s a lot more expensive.

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